Today, for your listening pleasure, I've compiled the Viper's Top 3 Booze Houndsiest Christmas Songs. Yes, I love those old standards like Bing's "White Christmas," Nat singing "The Christmas Song," and Johnny Mathis on "Sleigh Ride." But my three favorite songs are more non-traditional. Except, of course, this first one ...
"Breaking Up Christmas" is an old-time fiddle tune from Southern Appalachia, which described the tradition of going from house to house to celebrate Christmastime. This is a high-test dance tune from yore. And you got to believe there was some moonshine involved. Last year, I was trying to learn to play this tune on my banjo. Here's Tommy Jarrell, a famed fiddler from Surry County, N.C.
"Fairytale of New York" by the Pogues is notable for being the prettiest song to mention "the drunk tank," "an old slut on junk," and "cheap lousy arse" in connection to Christmas. It's got hopes and dreams and love and then dashes all those sentiments to the gutter. What's not to like? Other than, say, Shane MacGowan's smile.
And finally, Tom Waits singing his "Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis" with "Silent Night" as a bookend. This song may seem like a funny tale of woe for the down and out, but it perfectly illustrates just how hard it can be to ask for help, which we all need from time to time. Remember, this is the season of giving. Cheers!
P.S., can you guess my least favorite Christmas song? I'll post it later this week.
Showing posts with label linktastic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label linktastic. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Friday, December 3, 2010
Flashback Friday: Nope, Not Me
I'm trying to use the Enthusiast's motivation to run a half marathon as a stimulus to get out the door myself. As usual, the Ohio winter sneaked up on me, but as I walked Dobson this morning my body started to feel more at ease in the frosty weather.
My silly toe socks have been shipped, and I'm looking forward to closing the gap between where my tights end and my Vibram KSOs start.
It occurs to me now that I could have borrowed my fiancee's leg warmers for this purpose. Then would have been running like a maniac!
How sexy would that be?
Oh well. Lost opportunity.
Back Talk
Wherein you couldn't pick me out of a lineup
Misszippy was hoping she caught a glimpse of me playing the banjo in the recently ended nice weather: "I couldn't get the volume to work so I can't enjoy the pleasure of your banjo! But at least we can finally see what you look like."
Answer: Not unless I shaved my beard and got a different banjo. As Barefoot Johnny O said, that's Barefoot Josh on the gob iron. And David, those are Carolina boys in that video, not Yanks like me. Let this be a lesson to you: Not every banjo player you see online is me. In fact, only one is.
Here's a Yankee banjo player with a name apropos of this blog, Tom Collins:
I'm getting closer to playing "Breaking Up Christmas" without screwing up. Sunday will be the big test, as I get together with my monthly old-time jam mates.
Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates. Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!
It occurs to me now that I could have borrowed my fiancee's leg warmers for this purpose. Then would have been running like a maniac!
How sexy would that be?
Oh well. Lost opportunity.
Back Talk
Wherein you couldn't pick me out of a lineup
Misszippy was hoping she caught a glimpse of me playing the banjo in the recently ended nice weather: "I couldn't get the volume to work so I can't enjoy the pleasure of your banjo! But at least we can finally see what you look like."
Answer: Not unless I shaved my beard and got a different banjo. As Barefoot Johnny O said, that's Barefoot Josh on the gob iron. And David, those are Carolina boys in that video, not Yanks like me. Let this be a lesson to you: Not every banjo player you see online is me. In fact, only one is.
Here's a Yankee banjo player with a name apropos of this blog, Tom Collins:
I'm getting closer to playing "Breaking Up Christmas" without screwing up. Sunday will be the big test, as I get together with my monthly old-time jam mates.
Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates. Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Why the Banjo?
According to your comments on any post where I mention it, you want to hear more about my banjo. Maybe you're just putting me on. But since I've taken an extended physical and mental break from running and don't yet have something fun to talk about concerning booze (soon, though, soon), you're stuck with this: How I started playing the banjo.
Short answer: I like it, and it's fun.
Longer answer: My first banjo was a Recording King "Songster," which I bought online in 2008. I knew nothing about banjos or how they are played, but had read some recommendations for this model as a starter banjo.
Now, if I asked you to name a banjo player, how many of you would think of Earl Scruggs first? I bet quite a few of you. I used to too. Well, wouldn't you know there's a whole method of playing the banjo called "Scruggs' style."
So that's how I tried to play when I first got my banjo: three fingers, metal finger picks. After a good six months of practicing, I stunk at the banjo. Scruggs' style is complicated, and he's really good at it. But I wasn't having fun. So my banjo sat for a while, and I started dating some chick.
But then I started to get mad at myself. I had tried to play the guitar in high school, but had given up on it too soon. I didn't want to do the same with the banjo. And you know how I'm cheap? I didn't want the banjo to be waste of money. So I started to do more research on the banjo. Maybe there was another way.
I like Scruggs OK, but that's not the banjo music that really attracted me to the instrument. The four groups that did me in were Old Crow Medicine Show, The Avett Brothers, The Carolina Chocolate Drops and Great Lake Swimmers. The Carolina Chocolate Drops stood out.
There was something about that groove. I wanted to do that.
It turns out that was called "clawhammer," a down-picking style of playing that goes back way before Scruggs and has roots in the "Stroke style" of play of the minstrel era in the 1800s. My New Year's resolution in 2009 was to get back into the banjo and learn how to clawhammer.
Within a week, I knew I had made the right choice. I already felt light years ahead of what I was doing with Scruggs' style, and I was having a hell of a lot of fun. I felt like I was actually making music -- music that is called Old Time, a predecessor to what most people confuse as Bluegrass.
By the summer of last year, I was already jonesing for a new instrument, so I started saving my money for the banjo I have now. It was made by a builder in Ohio. Aside from my car, it's the most expensive thing I own. But it's worth it.
This year, I started playing at a monthly jam, where I learned how slow I'd been playing at home. I also took a lesson from Dan Levenson, a prominent teacher and musician in the Old Time way, who gave me some pointers on how to progress and told me, "You'll be scary in a year," if I keep up my playing. So I keep playing.
Short answer: I like it, and it's fun.
Longer answer: My first banjo was a Recording King "Songster," which I bought online in 2008. I knew nothing about banjos or how they are played, but had read some recommendations for this model as a starter banjo.
Now, if I asked you to name a banjo player, how many of you would think of Earl Scruggs first? I bet quite a few of you. I used to too. Well, wouldn't you know there's a whole method of playing the banjo called "Scruggs' style."
So that's how I tried to play when I first got my banjo: three fingers, metal finger picks. After a good six months of practicing, I stunk at the banjo. Scruggs' style is complicated, and he's really good at it. But I wasn't having fun. So my banjo sat for a while, and I started dating some chick.
But then I started to get mad at myself. I had tried to play the guitar in high school, but had given up on it too soon. I didn't want to do the same with the banjo. And you know how I'm cheap? I didn't want the banjo to be waste of money. So I started to do more research on the banjo. Maybe there was another way.
I like Scruggs OK, but that's not the banjo music that really attracted me to the instrument. The four groups that did me in were Old Crow Medicine Show, The Avett Brothers, The Carolina Chocolate Drops and Great Lake Swimmers. The Carolina Chocolate Drops stood out.
There was something about that groove. I wanted to do that.
It turns out that was called "clawhammer," a down-picking style of playing that goes back way before Scruggs and has roots in the "Stroke style" of play of the minstrel era in the 1800s. My New Year's resolution in 2009 was to get back into the banjo and learn how to clawhammer.
Within a week, I knew I had made the right choice. I already felt light years ahead of what I was doing with Scruggs' style, and I was having a hell of a lot of fun. I felt like I was actually making music -- music that is called Old Time, a predecessor to what most people confuse as Bluegrass.
By the summer of last year, I was already jonesing for a new instrument, so I started saving my money for the banjo I have now. It was made by a builder in Ohio. Aside from my car, it's the most expensive thing I own. But it's worth it.
This year, I started playing at a monthly jam, where I learned how slow I'd been playing at home. I also took a lesson from Dan Levenson, a prominent teacher and musician in the Old Time way, who gave me some pointers on how to progress and told me, "You'll be scary in a year," if I keep up my playing. So I keep playing.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
The Minimalist in Me
I got into minimalism back in the early aughts when I began to read the likes of Raymond Carver, Amy Hempel, Gordon Lish, Mary Robison, Chuck Palahniuk and others. One of my favorite professors was a Hemingway scholar, and perhaps the "iceberg" principle was driven in too deep.
The desire to achieve more with less led me to running in 2006. All I needed was a pair of shoes. Now, I am starting to wonder if I need those.
Last year, before the weather got cold, I attempted my first barefoot runs. Soon, I will make more unshod attempts.
All this talk about natural vs. unnatural running, barefoot vs. shoes and minimal vs. stability cushioning has me shaking my head. The debate is pointless. Nobody has the facts. The arguments are based on limited studies, personal experience and opinion. So, here are mine.
I needed shoes when I started running. I need less shoe now. I will probably always need some shoe because of winters in Ohio.
Ever since the Akron Marathon, I have run most of my miles in racing flats. Because I was recovering from the race and entering winter, I ran a lot less. Easing into minimal cushioning allowed me time to strengthen my feet to handle the increased load.
Before I bought the low-profile Brooks T6 Racers, I became skeptical of cushioning. I have three other pairs of running shoes, and only one has logged fewer than 500 miles. I rotated between these shoes while training for the marathon and raced in the lowest mileage of the three. That pair now has logged 450 miles.
By continuing to run in well-worn stability shoes, I pounded the cushioning down until it was ineffective. My feet had to get stronger to make up for the decreased support. From there, I made a gradual shift to the racing flats.
Yesterday, I took yet another step into less shoe. I bought a 12-by-12 inches piece of 3/16-inch thick industrial rubber for $6.04. Here is why.
This minimalist trend has also been good to my wallet. I've spent about $75 dollars on running shoes in the last 22 months, during which I have run about 1,800 miles. And guess what? I haven't used my injury tag since June of last year, before I logged my highest marathon training mileage ever.
My advice for those who plan on running in minimal shoes or bare feet: Don't be stupid. Making a switch like this is like starting over. Your lungs, core and thighs might be ready to go out long and fast, but your feet and calves are not.
Start short and slow. Stop if it hurts.
This all goes back to being an Experiment of One. You are your own test lab. Listen to your body, not the so-called "experts."
[Drunkard's note: Yes, this can be summarized as, "I was into minimalist running before it was cool."]
The desire to achieve more with less led me to running in 2006. All I needed was a pair of shoes. Now, I am starting to wonder if I need those.
Last year, before the weather got cold, I attempted my first barefoot runs. Soon, I will make more unshod attempts.
All this talk about natural vs. unnatural running, barefoot vs. shoes and minimal vs. stability cushioning has me shaking my head. The debate is pointless. Nobody has the facts. The arguments are based on limited studies, personal experience and opinion. So, here are mine.
I needed shoes when I started running. I need less shoe now. I will probably always need some shoe because of winters in Ohio.
Ever since the Akron Marathon, I have run most of my miles in racing flats. Because I was recovering from the race and entering winter, I ran a lot less. Easing into minimal cushioning allowed me time to strengthen my feet to handle the increased load.
Before I bought the low-profile Brooks T6 Racers, I became skeptical of cushioning. I have three other pairs of running shoes, and only one has logged fewer than 500 miles. I rotated between these shoes while training for the marathon and raced in the lowest mileage of the three. That pair now has logged 450 miles.
By continuing to run in well-worn stability shoes, I pounded the cushioning down until it was ineffective. My feet had to get stronger to make up for the decreased support. From there, I made a gradual shift to the racing flats.
Yesterday, I took yet another step into less shoe. I bought a 12-by-12 inches piece of 3/16-inch thick industrial rubber for $6.04. Here is why.
This minimalist trend has also been good to my wallet. I've spent about $75 dollars on running shoes in the last 22 months, during which I have run about 1,800 miles. And guess what? I haven't used my injury tag since June of last year, before I logged my highest marathon training mileage ever.
My advice for those who plan on running in minimal shoes or bare feet: Don't be stupid. Making a switch like this is like starting over. Your lungs, core and thighs might be ready to go out long and fast, but your feet and calves are not.
Start short and slow. Stop if it hurts.
This all goes back to being an Experiment of One. You are your own test lab. Listen to your body, not the so-called "experts."
[Drunkard's note: Yes, this can be summarized as, "I was into minimalist running before it was cool."]
Friday, January 15, 2010
Flashback Friday: On the Threshold
I love when seemingly random occurrences form a lattice of coincidences. Like this week, when my YakTrax review on Monday spewed forth a regurgitation of the Puke Threshold.
First, M2Marathon commented in the review that she used the same photo I did on one of her posts from last week that also contained her "Puke Threshold Treadmill Workout," which makes me want to vomit just thinking about running so intensely on such an awful machine. (She claims she didn't know my connection to the Puke Threshold.)
Later in my post's comments, Mike wrote, "I thought YakTrax were what you left behind after crossing the Puke Threshold."
That same day, Nitmos wrote about 2010 being the Year of the Ass Kicker, or YAK for short. YAK made me think of Mike's comment, which led to me writing, "I want to yak all over this post. Curiously, this week has marked the return of the Puke Threshold." Which probably led, in part, to Nitmos's post on Thursday, "Life on the Puke Threshold." In the comments of that post, Chris, whose blog I've never read, wrote, "Had you gone past the puke threshold, Yaktrax on your Asics would have an entirely different meaning." Chris's comment on Nitmos's post is almost identical to Mike's on mine.
All of these coincidences make me wonder where else the Puke Threshold has appeared online. I claim to have invented the term, but did I?
Oddly enough, "puke threshold" appeared yesterday on this forum page for the Savannah Morning News. The comment is in reference to a news piece on "White House openness." However, the Puke Threshold, as we know it, is in regards to running -- or exercise in general -- and drinking alcohol.
My research uncovered this blog post, written in August 2009, where the writer claims to have first used "puke threshold" in relation to running in high school and then later in college in relation to overconsumption of alcohol. However, we have no way to verify if this person's first usage of the term predates my first reference of it in July 2008, though it seems likely.
An online reference to the "puking threshold" that does predate my usage is this forum thread (sixth post down) on, of all things, a Volkwagon enthusiast Web site. The reference is in regards to weight lifting and was posted on June 3, 2008. (Though if the site uses European dating style, it could very well be March 6, 2008.)
Chances are that I wasn't the first to coin the Puke Threshold, but six of the top 10 results of a Google search of the term are all connected to my first reference, which has to count for something. Regardless, I'm always amazed how unconnected people can have the same thoughts in nearly the same time frame. It's like when I thought I invented "dudical."
By the way, if you go all the way back to the first sentence, you will see the phrase "lattice of coincidences." That too is not original, but from the 1984 movie Repo Man.
You see, the lattice of coincidences reveals our cosmic connection. When you reach the Puke Threshold, we all reach the Puke Threshold. So you might want to carry a barf bag the next time you go running, just in case.
One thing about the winter is it has a tendency to lower your Puke Threshold. Unless you are training for race or a professional runner, this season has knack of slowing us down and limiting our activity. Nitmos gave a prime example. I have also noticed that telltale tingling sensation just on my latest four-miler, which was by no means fast, but the added effort of running on hills, in the snow was enough to push me closer to my limits. And I must say, I miss that feeling. Pass the shrimp.
Back Talk
Wherein this already too long post gets even longer.
Xenia questions my integrity about my recent spate of reviews and wonders about my new running partner: "Since you appear to be practicing your Half Fast-esque whoring skills, can we presume there will also be a review of your new furry running partner?"
Answer: Firstly, a whore provides a service in exchange for money, and I got no money (or any sort of payola) in exchange for these reviews. My reviewed items were all purchased, either by me or as a gift to me -- and not by the manufacturer. Unlike that whore, Ian.
Secondly, Dobson has yet to run with me. Aside from getting involved with my stretching, he is still getting used to walking in a straight line when we take him out. My sources tell me I should wait until he's six months old before I start running with him.
Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates. Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!
First, M2Marathon commented in the review that she used the same photo I did on one of her posts from last week that also contained her "Puke Threshold Treadmill Workout," which makes me want to vomit just thinking about running so intensely on such an awful machine. (She claims she didn't know my connection to the Puke Threshold.)
Later in my post's comments, Mike wrote, "I thought YakTrax were what you left behind after crossing the Puke Threshold."
That same day, Nitmos wrote about 2010 being the Year of the Ass Kicker, or YAK for short. YAK made me think of Mike's comment, which led to me writing, "I want to yak all over this post. Curiously, this week has marked the return of the Puke Threshold." Which probably led, in part, to Nitmos's post on Thursday, "Life on the Puke Threshold." In the comments of that post, Chris, whose blog I've never read, wrote, "Had you gone past the puke threshold, Yaktrax on your Asics would have an entirely different meaning." Chris's comment on Nitmos's post is almost identical to Mike's on mine.
All of these coincidences make me wonder where else the Puke Threshold has appeared online. I claim to have invented the term, but did I?
Oddly enough, "puke threshold" appeared yesterday on this forum page for the Savannah Morning News. The comment is in reference to a news piece on "White House openness." However, the Puke Threshold, as we know it, is in regards to running -- or exercise in general -- and drinking alcohol.
My research uncovered this blog post, written in August 2009, where the writer claims to have first used "puke threshold" in relation to running in high school and then later in college in relation to overconsumption of alcohol. However, we have no way to verify if this person's first usage of the term predates my first reference of it in July 2008, though it seems likely.
An online reference to the "puking threshold" that does predate my usage is this forum thread (sixth post down) on, of all things, a Volkwagon enthusiast Web site. The reference is in regards to weight lifting and was posted on June 3, 2008. (Though if the site uses European dating style, it could very well be March 6, 2008.)
Chances are that I wasn't the first to coin the Puke Threshold, but six of the top 10 results of a Google search of the term are all connected to my first reference, which has to count for something. Regardless, I'm always amazed how unconnected people can have the same thoughts in nearly the same time frame. It's like when I thought I invented "dudical."
By the way, if you go all the way back to the first sentence, you will see the phrase "lattice of coincidences." That too is not original, but from the 1984 movie Repo Man.
You see, the lattice of coincidences reveals our cosmic connection. When you reach the Puke Threshold, we all reach the Puke Threshold. So you might want to carry a barf bag the next time you go running, just in case.
One thing about the winter is it has a tendency to lower your Puke Threshold. Unless you are training for race or a professional runner, this season has knack of slowing us down and limiting our activity. Nitmos gave a prime example. I have also noticed that telltale tingling sensation just on my latest four-miler, which was by no means fast, but the added effort of running on hills, in the snow was enough to push me closer to my limits. And I must say, I miss that feeling. Pass the shrimp.
Back Talk
Wherein this already too long post gets even longer.
Xenia questions my integrity about my recent spate of reviews and wonders about my new running partner: "Since you appear to be practicing your Half Fast-esque whoring skills, can we presume there will also be a review of your new furry running partner?"
Answer: Firstly, a whore provides a service in exchange for money, and I got no money (or any sort of payola) in exchange for these reviews. My reviewed items were all purchased, either by me or as a gift to me -- and not by the manufacturer. Unlike that whore, Ian.
Secondly, Dobson has yet to run with me. Aside from getting involved with my stretching, he is still getting used to walking in a straight line when we take him out. My sources tell me I should wait until he's six months old before I start running with him.
Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates. Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
They Make Fun Because They're Jealous
Razz, Vanilla and Nitmos (and sorely lacking Amy) have a new LoungeCast at the Runners' Lounge blog. And, boy howdy, this thing is a real doozy. These guys prove once again that they are the Keystone Cops of podcasts.
But thanks to me, this so-called "Laugh Tracks" isn't a total bust. In the second segment, Vanilla answers the question I posted on his blog, which helpfully encouraged better content for the podcast and boosted his comment tally.
And now, I will helpfully bestow mercy on all of you -- provided you haven't already listened to the LoungeCast. Allow me to ruin the best part:
Vanilla: "This question comes from Viper ... yadda, yadda, yadda ... he asks, 'How do you re-tie your shoes mid-race without slowing down?"'
Razz, Nitmos and Vanilla: "Yadda, yadda ... Velcro ... yadda ... regurgitate Runner's World ... yadda, yadda ... tie your shoelaces better beforehand ... yadda ... double knot ... yadda, yadda, yadda ... we all agreed this was a stupid question."
Thanks for avoiding the question guys. You said nothing about mid-race procedures for re-tying your laces. I bet Amy would have had a better -- and funnier -- response. Good news for you, dear readers, is that this segment is relatively early in the podcast. After the break for the "running lexicon," the rest is virtually unlistenable.
But thanks to me, this so-called "Laugh Tracks" isn't a total bust. In the second segment, Vanilla answers the question I posted on his blog, which helpfully encouraged better content for the podcast and boosted his comment tally.
And now, I will helpfully bestow mercy on all of you -- provided you haven't already listened to the LoungeCast. Allow me to ruin the best part:
Vanilla: "This question comes from Viper ... yadda, yadda, yadda ... he asks, 'How do you re-tie your shoes mid-race without slowing down?"'
Razz, Nitmos and Vanilla: "Yadda, yadda ... Velcro ... yadda ... regurgitate Runner's World ... yadda, yadda ... tie your shoelaces better beforehand ... yadda ... double knot ... yadda, yadda, yadda ... we all agreed this was a stupid question."
Thanks for avoiding the question guys. You said nothing about mid-race procedures for re-tying your laces. I bet Amy would have had a better -- and funnier -- response. Good news for you, dear readers, is that this segment is relatively early in the podcast. After the break for the "running lexicon," the rest is virtually unlistenable.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Flashback Friday: 2008 Best Guest Appearances
Here you have the first of maybe only one pre-written post while the Viper is on holiday.
Now, I know, dear readers, you all love visiting Team HQ to read about the Viper's travails of the running and boozing variety. However, a few times this year you could find me elsewhere on the superwebs. I give you, the Viper's Best Guest Appearances of 2008.
The Runners' Lounge requested an exclusive interview with me after I ran two marathons. Learn how I got my moniker and find out just how serious I am about this whole running and drinking thing.
Xenia paid homage to me by casting my likeness in her epic blog series The Wizards of Blogland. You can read the first segment of the story, but it doesn't really start to get interesting until Part 2.
You've never seen post-race photos of me? Why, then you haven't checked out the erratic epicurean, who snapped this candid shot of me after the Akron Marathon with my recovery beverage.
Ms. V also has a photo of me--in spirit.
This isn't really a guest appearance, but Marcy wrote about her screw shoes experiment and flavored contraceptives, my comment to which then inspired joyRuN to admit to having a "blogfatuation" with me, and then MCM Mama and Sarah admitted to similar feelings in joyRuN's comments. It's a tough job being so adored.
Back Talk
Wherein I lazily respond to your pedestrian comments of the week.
Carolina John says my 32 miles last week puts me in good shape to reach my mileage goal this year: "Now if you can just pull together a couple of 33-mile weeks, you'll have your 1,000 on the year. It's amazing to be that close, dude!"
Answer: Two 33-mile weeks in a row? Are you mad?!? I only need four miles per day (or two 28-mile weeks, plus 12 miles in the final three days of 2008).
Blyfinn was as disgusted as I was when Vanilla said eating his hat was just an expression: "I don't know where this whole 'just an expression' is coming from. What happened to the time when you could take a man for his word?"
Answer: Next thing you know people will start doubting the photographic proof that he did indeed take a bite from his favorite hat.
P.O.M. misread when I wrote "holiday-related consumption": "At first glance I thought you said, 'holiday-related constipation.'"
Answer: Actually, I might have the opposite problem.
Happy Hour is nearly upon us! Well, upon you. I've been happy all day. Have a fine weekend, and if this is my last post until next year, enjoy your holidays and happy New Year! Run well and drink well, teammates. Cheers!
* * *
Now, I know, dear readers, you all love visiting Team HQ to read about the Viper's travails of the running and boozing variety. However, a few times this year you could find me elsewhere on the superwebs. I give you, the Viper's Best Guest Appearances of 2008.
The Runners' Lounge requested an exclusive interview with me after I ran two marathons. Learn how I got my moniker and find out just how serious I am about this whole running and drinking thing.
Xenia paid homage to me by casting my likeness in her epic blog series The Wizards of Blogland. You can read the first segment of the story, but it doesn't really start to get interesting until Part 2.
You've never seen post-race photos of me? Why, then you haven't checked out the erratic epicurean, who snapped this candid shot of me after the Akron Marathon with my recovery beverage.
Ms. V also has a photo of me--in spirit.
This isn't really a guest appearance, but Marcy wrote about her screw shoes experiment and flavored contraceptives, my comment to which then inspired joyRuN to admit to having a "blogfatuation" with me, and then MCM Mama and Sarah admitted to similar feelings in joyRuN's comments. It's a tough job being so adored.
Back Talk
Wherein I lazily respond to your pedestrian comments of the week.
Carolina John says my 32 miles last week puts me in good shape to reach my mileage goal this year: "Now if you can just pull together a couple of 33-mile weeks, you'll have your 1,000 on the year. It's amazing to be that close, dude!"
Answer: Two 33-mile weeks in a row? Are you mad?!? I only need four miles per day (or two 28-mile weeks, plus 12 miles in the final three days of 2008).
Blyfinn was as disgusted as I was when Vanilla said eating his hat was just an expression: "I don't know where this whole 'just an expression' is coming from. What happened to the time when you could take a man for his word?"
Answer: Next thing you know people will start doubting the photographic proof that he did indeed take a bite from his favorite hat.
P.O.M. misread when I wrote "holiday-related consumption": "At first glance I thought you said, 'holiday-related constipation.'"
Answer: Actually, I might have the opposite problem.
Happy Hour is nearly upon us! Well, upon you. I've been happy all day. Have a fine weekend, and if this is my last post until next year, enjoy your holidays and happy New Year! Run well and drink well, teammates. Cheers!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Running Roulette: Track or Ice Rink?
You lose.Well, most of you lose.
Vanilla, you were over. Xenia, how about you eat some crow. Brooke, your lucky streak has ended. Nitmos, you might as well uncross your fingers; gambling just isn't your sport.
Your bets were unwisely placed. I fell not once last night during my snowy speed intervals. ("Speed" being used very loosely.) The thing I did do once was hit my goal pace range (3:38-3:48).
Note to self: Slippery surfaces are not conducive to fast running.
(Yes, Sarah, you told me so. You were right. But don't get too cocky. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.)
The only reader who had faith in my balance and coordination was TFH. The backhand of that compliment is that she called my planned 3 x 800 session a "sissy workout."
"You need the snow to make it worthwhile," she wrote.
Well, I guess then it was very worthwhile. There was plenty of snow. By the end of the second 800-meter interval, I was shaking off ice clumps from the bottoms of my shoes. I'll blame my slow splits on the added weight to my feet.
The Numbers:
- Intervals: 3 x 800 meters
- Lap 1: 3:46
- Lap 2: 3:51
- Lap 3: 4:03
- Falls: 0
- Totals: 3:53.3 average (7:49 pace); 4.2 miles (includes warm up, recovery laps and cool down)
But I never really thought I'd fall. Unlike you.
What most of you failed to remember was how I spent my youth playing ice hockey, which I only mentioned here, here, here and here.
I guess I've kept it pretty quiet.
The truth is I'm pretty stable on the ice. I started ice skating seriously when I was 8 years old. (See that? My ice-skating skills are legally allowed to drink.) The ice arena was my babysitter. It was also once my employer.
Skating to me is like riding a bike, more so than actually riding a bike. I might fall when there are a couple of leaves on the ground, but not so with ice.
And yes, Vava, this does mean I'm as sure-footed as a mountain goat. Ice doesn't faze me.
(Pause, to knock on wood.)
So, Marcy, to answer your question, the way I roll in the winter is indeed sans YakTrax or "whatever gripping dealy." I wear my regular running shoes. Nothing special.
I keep hearing about YakTrax, and I've been talking about screw-shoes for like a year now. In reality, I probably won't pursue either until I really bite it on the ice.
Question of the day: What is the Irony Score of running on an icy track that is behind an ice arena? What if said ice arena is the very same ice arena where I learned to ice skate?
I think J. Peterman would call that perfect irony.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
'Tis the Season
The Express Ship to Blackout Island has returned. Last night, I had my first taste of this year's batch of Great Lakes Christmas Ale. I must say, it's a fine crop!It is much better than last year's edition, which I found it to taste too much of alcohol, overwhelmingly sweet, and brought upon the mid-sip hangover a bit too roughly. This conundrum soon led me to abandon the Christmas Ale in favor of Brooklyn's Black Chocolate Stout (another fine seasonal, which I've already sampled this year to my delight).
This year, however, the Christmas Ale is much smoother, with a much more subtle sweetness. I have yet to thoroughly test its intoxicating capabilities, as I limited myself to half my usual quota. Regardless, the potent elixir eased me into gentle numbness before I slipped off to Never Ever Land. This morning was met with no residual effect whatsoever. The Viper approves.
Foxy Lady
Some people like to run with animals on a leash. Others like to run with animals clamped to their arms.
An Arizona woman encountered a fox while running on a trail near Prescott, Ariz., as reported by the San Francisco Chronicle. The fox bit the woman on the foot and then went for the woman's leg. She grabbed the fox, and it bit her arm. No big deal. She then finished her run with the fox still affixed to her arm.
When she got back to her car, she pried the fox off her arm and tossed it in the trunk and took it be tested for rabies, which it apparently had because the woman and an animal control officer, who was also attacked, were inoculated against the virus.
[Drunkard's note: I totally snagged this story from With Leather. And Nitmos also scooped me on the story. So much for that journalism degree.]
Look at Me!
The Booze Hounds Running Team made another appearance at Running Is Funny. You should click the link so you can get linked back here because, clearly, running is funny because of me.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Sick and Tired of Running
It has not been a successful week for running. Yesterday I succumbed to taper sickness. It's as if my body said, Hey, look, he's slowing down. Time to get a cold! Fuck you, body.
I think the cold was coming on Sunday, when I was out for my long run, which was supposed to be 12 miles, but trimmed to 8 miles. And then it probably didn't help matters when I sat outside listening to the radio while Hurricane Ike's remnants blew through Akron, tearing down tree limbs and outing the power so I couldn't watch the Cleveland Browns lose again.
I felt icky Monday afternoon, but didn't really notice until I got home from a busy deadline day at work. The good thing about that was it meant I could take Tuesday off. Which I did, skipping my usual Tuesday run.
But now of course, I'm freaking out about the race. I'm tapering too much! I'll be TOO RESTED! My training is G-O-N-E! I won't even make the first 5K. I'm DOOMED!
So, yeah, how's everyone else?
Around the Intertrons
I think the cold was coming on Sunday, when I was out for my long run, which was supposed to be 12 miles, but trimmed to 8 miles. And then it probably didn't help matters when I sat outside listening to the radio while Hurricane Ike's remnants blew through Akron, tearing down tree limbs and outing the power so I couldn't watch the Cleveland Browns lose again.
I felt icky Monday afternoon, but didn't really notice until I got home from a busy deadline day at work. The good thing about that was it meant I could take Tuesday off. Which I did, skipping my usual Tuesday run.
But now of course, I'm freaking out about the race. I'm tapering too much! I'll be TOO RESTED! My training is G-O-N-E! I won't even make the first 5K. I'm DOOMED!
So, yeah, how's everyone else?
Around the Intertrons
- Holy cow! Vanilla finally succumbed to our pestering and signed up for a marathon!
- Laura is trying to track me down and beat me in the Akron Marathon. Mayor Don Plusquellic has already declared a booze emergency for that weekend.
- Nitmos has discovered a new form of running: Akimbo Running. As with most of anything Nitmos suggests, I suggest doing the opposite.
- Another runner with a pee story, but Xenia makes it seem classy.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Thoughtless Thursday
Even after some focused thinking, I have constipation of the cerebral cortex. No matter how hard I try I just can't get anything to drop. I promise at the end of this post you will know why today I have poop on my mind. And now, Team Booze Hounds is proud to present its semi-regular link dump:- Top Chef meets MacGyver in a seedy hotel room. (OK, maybe not so seedy.)
- Douchebaggery on the open trails and Top Gun allusions.
- How to spot a female runner. (Maybe it's the shoes.)
- Reflections of two years running.
- Novel thoughts on giving up smoking, starting to run and writing.
- David Sedaris on giving up smoking and his new book. (Or if you don't have time for that, a shorter segment of Sedaris on The Daily Show.)
- The James Dean of running and other Mt. Runmore hopefuls.
- Fartlek and poop, a surefire way to get crappy comments. (Hey-Oh!)
Coincidentally, the last link was not the first instance of poop today.
[Drunkard's note: Be warned, I might use naughty words.]
Setting: Office kitchen area, near coffee pot and water cooler
Time: In the morning, when did you think?
Scene: Viper is making coffee when a coworker comes in with a gallon jug of some foul-smelling concoction that she claims will cleanse her body if she doesn't eat and drinks this so-called lemonade for eight days straight.
Me: WTF is that?
Her: Don't laugh. It's supposed to clean out my system.
Me: Will it make you take big shits?
Her: Actually, no, I have to take laxatives.
Me: Seems like something that's supposed to clean you out should make you take big shits?
Her: It's supposed to get rid of toxins.
Me: That's what shitting does.
Now, I hear her gag every time she takes a sip. I love exotic cures.
OK, kiddies, show and tell is over. Back to business.
p00p!
Monday, May 12, 2008
Bullety MonDaze
Thanks to everyone who stopped by in honor of my one-year anniversary. I hope you enjoyed the flashbacks. To celebrate the occasion Team BHI got off the wagon and ignored the pre-race detox plan like a good little drunk. As punishment, my 8 miles on Sunday were hungover and in the rain.I'm not feeling cohesive today, so you'll have to deal with my list mentality. Let the bullets fly:
- OK, seriously, what do you think of this new layout? Xenia says it's more cheerful than she imagines I am, which admittedly is a valid point. I only picked it because it's called "Snapshot Tequila." For some reason it spoke to me. Give me your thoughts, now!
- All this tapering makes me want to punch babies.
- The Viper is a
cheapskateconscientious shopper. Today, I ordered a new pair of shoes, two tech shirts and a pair of shorts for less than $90 from Joe's New Balance Outlet. There you will find some choice prices on last year's inventory. (Vanilla, I think even you'll find something compelling.) - Decisions, decisions ... speaking of shoes, I don't know which shoes to wear during the Cleveland Half Marathon. I've only raced in New Balance, but last year I got a pair of Brooks Adrenaline GTS 7 (for free!) after the Akron Marathon. The Brooks have proven to be a worthy alternate. Do I stay in my comfort zone and wear my New Balance 767s or do I go all variety-is-the-spice-of-life and wear the Brooks?
- Does the above point make me a shill?
- I was half a pound heavier than my goal race weight at this morning's weigh-in. Without my high mileage, I have to be extra disciplined about my food and booze intake this week.
- The Cavs play the Celtics tonight in Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Semi-Finals. That won't encourage me to drink or anything.
- Can anyone say "liquid diet"?
- It seems a bunch of people raced this weekend. (I see Amy and Chia and Laminator and Laura and Marcy and Nitmos and Razzdoodle and Topher and Vanilla and Xenia. And probably about a zillion others I'm too lazy to find.) Many of you took part in Nancy's 10K on the 10th, another stellar virtual event. I'm tapering, so the 10th was a rest day. I did 8 miles on the 9th and 8 miles on the 11th instead. Besides, I heard no beer was provided. No beer = no Viper. But great job, virtual racers! You're all virtual winners!
- On a completely non-running, non-boozing note: As most of you dear readers are also fellow bloggers, I figure you must have some interest -- if only a fleeting one -- in writing mechanics. Renowned writing coach Roy Peter Clark of the Poynter Institute has begun a new book called the "The Glamour of Grammar" as a follow-up to "Writing Tools: 50 Essential Strategies for Every Writer." I'm not afraid to admit I've had a man-crush on Mr. Clark since my college days. Visit his Writing Tools blog on Tuesdays and Thursdays to read segments of the new book as he writes them.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Around the Track Tuesday
Today kicks off my stupid self-styled half marathon training plan with some track work. Although, I will likely not run on a track because the only good option nearby is at the University of Akron and without a parking permit I'll get towed. The schedule calls for 3x800s at 3:38 pace. My plan is to run hard for intervals of 3:38. Cheating? Maybe. Get bent.
And now, because I'm too lazy to write more, check out these posts from around the Internet tracks:
And now, because I'm too lazy to write more, check out these posts from around the Internet tracks:
- We've stirred up some buzz about chip timing this past week. Following up his blog post last week, Vanilla has a good article at the Complete Running Network about chip timed races that are just glorified gun timed races. You can add those to the list too. [Drunkard note: For the record, I agree with Candis that this sort of thing should be advertised.]
- Dean at ZerotoBoston has been leading up to his inaugural run of the Boston Marathon with unheard-of daily posts. Unfortunately, his frugal travel choices bit him in the ass when Skybus went teets up. Qualifying for the race is starting to look easy.
- Don't click this link to Nitmos' blog, Feet Meet Street. It has the most terrifying picture I've seen in some time. I warned you.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Tales Out of School
Fine, I don't quit. I did say it was a fabled moment of clarity.
Gentle readers, you are too clever to fall for my April Fools ruse. That, or my utter lack of respect for your powers of observation bit me in the ass when I used the "bald face lies" tag.
Ohionative must be a real Ohio native. Akron, Ohio, has the sort of dreary disposition that demands you seek salvation at the bottom of a bottle. There's no way I'm staying dry here.
Just take a look at Akron's cultural contributions over past few decades. Chrissie Hynde still loves to whine about the city she abandoned being gone. Devo's apocalyptic vision of society was honed here. Everybody's favorite fuzz blues band, the Black Keys, got bummed out here. If you want to get down, we know how to get down.
Alcoholics Anonymous was established here with good reason. Akron is a mecca for drunks and former drunks alike. Every June a throng of motorcycled teetotalers speed down my street on their way to see Dr. Bob's house during a three-day celebration they call Founder's Day.
The fact that Akron is home to the Goodyear blimp seems like some sort of sick joke.
No, I will not be corking the bottle. And therefore I also won't be changing a darned thing about this blog or bore you with my banjo practice sessions (one hour yesterday evening before ... wait for it ... going to the bar for a nightcap).
Signed and Driven
I actually had news to report yesterday, but instead I wanted to waste your time. So here it is: I signed up for my next race. I'll be running the Cleveland (half) Marathon again on May 18. I'm already a little behind on my training. Awesome.
You're a Wuss and Here's Why
This guy is making you look bad and he can't even see that slack-jawed look on your face as you watch him run seven marathons in seven days. However, I'm right on top of this hard-ass. I ran three miles in the last three days.
Cheers!
Gentle readers, you are too clever to fall for my April Fools ruse. That, or my utter lack of respect for your powers of observation bit me in the ass when I used the "bald face lies" tag.
Ohionative must be a real Ohio native. Akron, Ohio, has the sort of dreary disposition that demands you seek salvation at the bottom of a bottle. There's no way I'm staying dry here.
Just take a look at Akron's cultural contributions over past few decades. Chrissie Hynde still loves to whine about the city she abandoned being gone. Devo's apocalyptic vision of society was honed here. Everybody's favorite fuzz blues band, the Black Keys, got bummed out here. If you want to get down, we know how to get down.
Alcoholics Anonymous was established here with good reason. Akron is a mecca for drunks and former drunks alike. Every June a throng of motorcycled teetotalers speed down my street on their way to see Dr. Bob's house during a three-day celebration they call Founder's Day.
The fact that Akron is home to the Goodyear blimp seems like some sort of sick joke.
No, I will not be corking the bottle. And therefore I also won't be changing a darned thing about this blog or bore you with my banjo practice sessions (one hour yesterday evening before ... wait for it ... going to the bar for a nightcap).
Signed and Driven
I actually had news to report yesterday, but instead I wanted to waste your time. So here it is: I signed up for my next race. I'll be running the Cleveland (half) Marathon again on May 18. I'm already a little behind on my training. Awesome.
You're a Wuss and Here's Why
This guy is making you look bad and he can't even see that slack-jawed look on your face as you watch him run seven marathons in seven days. However, I'm right on top of this hard-ass. I ran three miles in the last three days.
Cheers!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Great Success?
If this sensation continues you won't be getting that book review sooner. An unheard of morning run tired out the knee that went pop Sunday but no pain to speak of. The only problem is the appetite is fierce and the oatmeal for breakfast is far gone. How do stale Peeps rate as a recovery food?
On Injury
It appears that though the new Runners' World advises me to break the habit of self diagnosis my self diagnosis was correct. A little rest and a little ice and a little medication and a loud adjustment made me all better. I am my own medic. And I will remain so until my legs fall off.
On Discipline
I meant to run last night. I made a schedule to follow for the next few weeks to build up mileage. However a special delivery of a new toy sidetracked my intentions. I am not now nor have I ever been a morning runner. But to make up for skipping last night I made myself get up early today. I am in training mode and must remain faithful to the mileage and perhaps more importantly the intention of each run. I stand with the raised fist of solidarity and declare, No more junk miles!
On Injury
It appears that though the new Runners' World advises me to break the habit of self diagnosis my self diagnosis was correct. A little rest and a little ice and a little medication and a loud adjustment made me all better. I am my own medic. And I will remain so until my legs fall off.
On Discipline
I meant to run last night. I made a schedule to follow for the next few weeks to build up mileage. However a special delivery of a new toy sidetracked my intentions. I am not now nor have I ever been a morning runner. But to make up for skipping last night I made myself get up early today. I am in training mode and must remain faithful to the mileage and perhaps more importantly the intention of each run. I stand with the raised fist of solidarity and declare, No more junk miles!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)