Monday, April 7, 2008

I Hate Running

What would Monday be without a little bit of crankiness? Sure, the weekend finally came through with some decent weather. Sure, I got in six relatively pain free miles. Sure, I'm feeling a little giddy from an overdose of vitamin D after getting reacquainted with the sun.

But that doesn't stop me from my curmudgeonly ways. Besides I haven't aired my grievances in a while. Herewith are some things I could do without while on the run:
  1. Motorists who think I'm the one hogging all the room.
  2. Exorbitant race prices and crappy T-shirts.
  3. Exorbitant shoe prices and the clothes to match.
  4. The sinkhole at Merriman and Palisades.
  5. Articles that give advice that completely contradicts the advice I'm following from another article from the same source.
  6. Worrying about hydration -- especially when it's water instead of beer -- and having to take a leak every half hour.
  7. Energy drinks. Why not just add a little salt to real fruit juice?
  8. Energy drinks with high fructose corn syrup. Why not get it over with and just inject some diabetes?
  9. When your injury feels like it's getting better and then it doesn't.
  10. The rock that didn't appear in my hand when I needed one to throw at the weirdo girl on the jungle gym who started barking at me when I passed.
  11. Walkers along the park path who walk three abreast and refuse to move over when other people are trying to pass them and then get all snippy when they get the forearm shiver from the runner who clearly said, Excuse me.
  12. Other runners who look slower than me but are not.
  13. Other runners who don't take note of my majestic stride.
  14. Other runners who refuse to make eye contact or wave or get the hell out of the way.
  15. Other runners of the male persuasion who wear too little clothing.
  16. Other runners of the female persuasion who wear too much clothing.
  17. Other runners of the female persuasion who wear too little clothing and then have the audacity to run much faster than the runners of the male persuasion who are just trying to get a look at the scenery.
  18. Other runners who make a big production about their highly regimented or complete lack of training and blab about all day in their blog.
  19. Other runners who always complain about other runners.
  20. Other runners.
I'll leave the rest to you.


Ian said...

Other runners who press the crosswalk button when it's obvious that I am winded and using this crosswalk as an excuse to be stopped.

Great post.

C said...

I'm with you on #11, though I've never done the forearm shiver before. Will do so in future.

thebets said...

#11-Try running in between them as if they are the race tap in a marathon and raise your arms and fists in triumph as you leave them in the dust.

Eric Gervase said...

Yeah... I wish that rock would appear in my hand for the countless people who feel compelled to yell, "Run Forest... Run.."