Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Watch That 3,237th Step

This is the kind of behavior that makes one cynical. Now, granted, I won't claim to be the furriest bunny in the rabbit hole. But if I see a man down, I'll at least ask if he's OK before I continue on my way.

Enter the Jackass in White Shorts.

Most of what happened is my fault. It was night. I am fighting off a cold (if you call this fighting). I was running on the sidewalk where there were piles upon piles of fallen leaves obscuring the terrain. Let's just say the conditions were favorable.

Two miles into my run yesterday after work, I encountered an uneven sidewalk, at Hereford and Merriman, covered over by wet leaves. The leaves hid an upheaval of pavement, which caught my foot unexpectedly. My body pitched forward and my limbs flailed.

For a moment, I thought I might make it, that my feet would stay under me. That was a short moment. My body tumbled past its center of gravity, and my face aimed for a mouthful of grass, saved from this mid-run meal only by my right palm, which broke the fall.

I pulled myself up, checking for blood -- none. However, my palm was certainly scraped, the skin flap raised like a bunched rug. I looked up to see Jackass in White Shorts run past me without so much as a sideways glance.

What a douche nozzle.

What kind of self-important dick can't even ask a fellow runner -- nay, a fellow human -- if he is all right?

I walked for a few moments to make sure all my pieces and parts were functional, and then I took off after that son of a bitch.

I caught up to within 30 feet of him (quickly, I might add), but I didn't pass him. I wanted him to hear me at his heals. Also, I didn't want to get in front of him and then biff it again.

[Drunkard's note: If by chance Jackass in White Shorts reads this blog, you're an ass-hat and I hope you feel like a bloated turd. Also, you're slow. I'm fine thanks.]


Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Unless @$$hat was running to the hospital with his own severed finger hoping to get there in time to have it re-attached and made viable again, then I agree: He was quite le chapeau de derriere.

If you hurry over to Marcy's blog, though, she knows where they're have a SALE on @$$hats. And if that doesn't cheer you up, then you're not gay and/or not a woman. What's left?

Marcy said...

I would've pointed and laughed. (KIDDING!)

Dude that's jacked up. I hope you at least farted in his general direction or something as equally disgusting. What a tool.

Jess said...

At least he didn't use your lame body as a hurdle.

Razz said...

sorry about that. I was working on a PR.

Vava said...

Man, that sucks! The worst that's happened to me because of fallen leave (so far) is stepping in a pile of hidden dog turd. I hope you are ok.

Maybe the white shorts guy took Jackie Childs' statement too much to heart, "Good Samaritan law? Never heard of it! This is America - you don't gotta help nobody! That's what this country's all about!"

tfh said...

That's the worst! I'm glad you didn't do any serious damage. Do you think that was the same guy in white shorts who was mowed down by a tractor trailer truck? Yeah, I saw this story on CNN this morning "Akron Jogger in White Shorts Mauled by Gang of Cats, Runs Very Slowly Into Road Trying to Escape and is Mowed Down by Eighteen Wheeler. Acquaintances say: 'He won't be missed.'"

Ian said...

Good call on not passing him just in case you biffed it again, because THAT would have been embarrassing.

Sun Runner said...

War wounds, my friend. Display them proudly. At least you didn't get it tripping over something inside your apartment while going to the fridge for another beer. Now THAT would have been embarrassing.

But what I REALLY want to know is: why the hell was that dude wearing SHORTS?

Ms. V. said...

asshat is one of my favorite words...used prolifically during our live Dodger blogs.

such as "the Phillies pitcher was an asshat...", "Joe is an asshat"...

Loving that phrase.

Sorry your hand (and ego) were bruised...

Jess said...

Douche Nozzle is probably an appropriate description

P.O.M. said...

I'm with Marcy, I probably would have laughed. But AT LEAST asked if you were ok (as I laughed).

AddictedToEndorphins said...

Awwww. There are still good people in the world. That's pretty funny though. He was probably not a real runner.

Ms. V. said..., BLoglines has been drinking the Viper brew. MY reader says you have 200 new posts...WTF?

Al's CL Reviews said...

I would have asked if you were ok, and seeing that you were, then laughed.

KimsRunning said... should tell his mother.

My friend slipped sideways while riding her bike around a corner and 8 cars went by before someone finally stopped to help her. And she was bleeding! Some people have no manners.

I would have helped you up and set you back on those quick feet!