The Line in the Proverbial Sand

Yesterday, while driving to the local tuxedo rental venue to pick out what to wear come a year and 15 days, the Enthusiast pointed to the blue line along the curb on Market Street.

"Look, they repainted the line," she said.

This thin blue line reminds me of the Errol Morris documentary that the Akron Marathon is just a few short weeks away -- 30 days, in fact.

Driving to and from work, I have also noticed fresh white paint markings for the Buckeye Half Marathon this Sunday.

These lines will guide my running. Alert me of turns. Signal the miles I've run. Point me toward the finish. They are the lines in the sand that I must have the courage to dash through like a cliche if I am to meet my goals, a sub-1:49:09 half marathon and a sub-4:00:00 marathon.

Flashback Friday: Two-a-Day and 'Where the Fuck Are Your Shoes?'

The lumbering hiker was squeezing under a fallen tree on the trail at Hampton Hills last night as I approached from the other direction. As soon as he saw my feet, he started acting like a bully.

Him: "Where the fuck are your shoes?"
Me: "Left them in the car."
Him: "Here, let me step on your feet so you don't make that mistake again."
Me: "Yeah, OK."

Then he told me to find the fucking park ranger and tell him to grab a fucking chainsaw and clear the fucking tree from the path. Had it not been for that fucking tree, I could have just blown past him and ignored his jackass comments. "By the way, it's clear the rest of the way," he said as I climbed through the fallen foliage and left him to swear at his silent wife and dog.

I was more concerned with the sharp pebbles on this part of the trail, trying to avoid stepping on the ground so it wouldn't hurt. The hills (and perhaps my five-miler yesterday morning) had tired my legs, making it difficult to maintain a high foot turnover rate. I longed for the smooth, soft soil awaiting my feet at the end of the run.

I finished the circuit three minutes faster than I ever have barefoot or in my Hippie Shoes (aka huaraches), and I was 30 seconds faster than I was in shoes this year--and possibly ever. When I emerged from the woods, I saw the profane hiker sitting on a picnic table with his wife and dog. I walked confidently across the gravel parking lot to my car. He kept his fucking mouth shut.

Back Talk
Wherein we set the bar only as high as it needs to be to beat our previous best.

Our Comrade BrianFlash thinks my marathon race pace goal shouldn't be too fast or too slow, but just right: "I like the Surgei Bubka approach to setting PRs--beat each one by a whisker so you can set another during the next race.

"I say--go 3:59:59!"

Answer: It seems I've inadvertently already applied Bubka's strategy in my last 5-K. Perhaps I'll run as hard as I can at the marathon and then wait in front of the finish line if I'm early. That way I know how fast I could have been, but still save a PR for next time.

Happy Hour is almost upon us, teammates! Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!

A Hard Look at the Middle Miles

I'm a fast starter and an even faster closer. Those middle miles? I just try to hang on until I get close enough to the finish line to kick. I want that to change.

Last night's four-miler was a scheduled tempo run. I wanted to kill those middle miles. My plan was to ease into my pace slowly, kill-kill-kill and coast back home after about 32 minutes.

Oh, and I wanted this all to feel effortless. I don't want to work too hard for my speed.

My form was my main concern. I tend to get all long-strided, jostly and loud when I speed up.

I'm on this foolhardy mission where I try to run like I'm barefoot while I'm wearing shoes and trying to be as silent as those annoying waifs who blow past me at my local running paths while I jump two and a half feet out of my skin because they didn't alert me to their presence.

On this run, I focused on keeping my shoulders back, my feet under me, my turnover fast, my stride smooth, and my footfalls stealthy. That was a lot to think about that first mile, as I tinkered with my form until it felt right.

Once my form felt smooth, it was time to start pushing the pace. I had eased into a comfortable rhythm, but I knew it wasn't too speedy. I started using lightpoles as interval markers to ramp up my effort.

This route includes the Bastard Garman Hill, which seems less bastardly in comparison to Memorial Parkway. However, that tune will change after 21 miles come marathon time. Once I turned onto Garman, I tried to maintain my lightpole interval effort until I hit the hill.

After the hill, I hit the home stretch. I kept my effort level high, but a bit more relaxed until I reached my neighborhood and started coasting to a 32:29 finish. An 8:07 mile pace. Not too bad. My goal is to get my tempo pace into the high sevens. Can I do that without effort?

Now, It's My Turn

The Enthusiast has her half marathon training plan. Now, I need to get my own training in order.

Last year, my marathon time improved by about 18 minutes. I owe much of that success to Hal Higdon's training plans, which I used as a basis for my own schedule. I love the long run progression on Sunday with Saturday's run being half the distance at race pace. However, one of the main adjustments I made in 2009 was to add weekly track sessions.

The results were there, but my ultimate goal time was not. I believe I missed my sub-four-hour marathon because I didn't run enough hills, a mistake I plan to rectify this year.

Monday's Tallmadge Memorial 5-K proved to me that running hills does improve speed. However, I don't believe the opposite is true.

If you compare my 2009 5-K to this year, my performance was basically the same (three seconds apart). However, my training leading up to the race could not have been more different.

Here's what I did in May 2009. Here's what I did in May 2010. I ran less and I ran slower this year, but I raced equally well.

The difference? Hills replaced the track and another year of experience on the race course. I hope to carry over these same principles to the marathon.

Instead of sprint intervals, my training will focus more on tempo and race pace runs to keep me up to speed. I'm adding another 20-miler and plan to peak at 50 miles per week instead of 43, as I did last year. And I'll be running as many hills as I can stomach. Flat ground is useless.

More hills, more miles and more experience are my keys to unlocking the door to the four-hour marathon. But can I shave off another 18 minutes? I can try.

Maybe This Should Be a Flashback

As the rain has washed out some desire to run so far this week, my mind is starting to flashforward to my 5-K on Memorial Day. Last year, I set my current PR and whipped my competition in the famed Very Funny-Viper Challenge.

Leading up to that race, I set eight prioritized goals and accomplished the top two. Leading up to this year's event, I'm already thinking hard about my goals and the accompanying strategy to achieve those goals.

This year's goals are pretty much the same as last year's:

1. Beat my PR (22:29)
2. Beat Funny Mike's PR (22:28)
3. Beat Martini (22:15 in 2009)
   
4. Beat fourth place in my age group
5. Beat everyone in my age group
6. Beat everyone of the female persuasion
   
7. Beat everyone else in the field
8. Beat everyone else, ever

As I said yesterday, I haven't done any track work this year. I also haven't raced yet. I have no idea how fast I'll be on May 31. But if I can beat my PR, then Mike's PR should fall as well. (The challenge isn't over yet, pal!) I have never beaten Martini, but last year's race showed me I can get close in a shorter event. I finished 13th in my age group in 2009, but I've since moved up a bracket. My time would have gotten me ninth (just 14 seconds behind Martini) a year ago. Beyond those four goals is a pipe dream.

The Strategy
I've been training on the biggest hill I know of, getting faster and stronger on the descent, flying down and then trying to maintain that pace over two flat miles and saving enough power to climb back up to the top of the hill. That's basically my plan on race day.

The first mile is about a half-mile downhill followed by a half-mile uphill. The second mile is mostly downhill. The final mile is mostly uphill. This being my fourth consecutive year participating in this race, I feel like I know when to push and when to conserve.

I'm going to bomb down the hill at the start and do my best to keep up with Martini. I'll try to hold my ground during the half-mile uphill and then try to keep my pace consistent as I save my strength for the final uphill. As long as I keep Martini in my sights, I believe my kick will finish him.

/delusional rambling

Flashback Friday: 46 91.5 Miles to Go

My weekly giant slalom interval improved by another 1:28 over last week. My goal is to keep my pace even on the downhill of Memorial Parkway and the flatland of the Towpath.

I bombed down at an 8:10 mile pace. I stopped for a quick drink of water at the entry to the Towpath and then ran an 8:11 mile out to my turnaround, followed by a 7:52 back to the bottom of the hill. Success!

My uphill pace is also slowly improving. My first attempt was roughly a 12:21 mile pace, and I ran up yesterday at a 10:44 pace.

My overall effort was a solid 8:50 per mile. I've also gotten better at not almost falling on the descent.

Back Talk
Wherein I get my own words thrown in my face. Who knew you people actually paid attention?

Xenia proves she knows how to dig up shit from the past in regard to my 60-mile goal: "Didn't you want to hit an average of 20 miles per week? If so, then your 60 mile May is insufficient. You suck big hairy monkey balls at math so I thought I'd help you out. No need to thank me."

Answer: No, I won't thank you, but a curse word comes to mind for reminding me of this post. My running log's "Yearly Goal Progress" reads -151.6 miles. My average weekly rate so far is 11.7 miles. If my math is anywhere near correct (unlikely), I will have to average 105.5 miles each month from here on out. Another curse word come to mind.

Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates. Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!

That New Runner Feeling

The Viper nosedived into the end of 2009 with a two-week hiatus from running. However, on New Year's day, I got off my slack ass and went out for a four-miler. My long layoff led to that lead-in-the-pants feeling that reminded me of my first days of running, back in 2006. I was winded and my legs felt rusty, but it was exhilarating to be out there again. So exhilarating that I haven't gone out since. Which brings me back to last month's monumental drop-off in running.

Here is December's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 28 miles (5 runs)
• Highest Weekly: 20 miles
  
• Average Weekly: 8.5 miles
  
• Average Pace: 9:41.71 per mile
  
• Longest/Fastest Run: 8 miles, 8:49 pace
  
• The Monthly Dif: -44 miles (72 miles in November)

Check out that Dif! December was easily my lightest monthly mileage, leaving me 30 miles shy of my 1,000-mile goal.

Moving right along: It's 2010 now. Happy New Year! Here's to forgetting the failures of last year and setting our sights on new failures goals for the next 12 months.

Press the "Reset" button.

So, is this the part where I post some New Year's resolutions and goals for 2010? Why, yes, it is.

PRs I Want: All of Them
In 2009, I set new PRs in the 5-K, 10-K, 15-K (a new distance for me) and the marathon. I sacrificed a PR in the half marathon in favor of running a disciplined race in preparation for my failed attempt to break four hours at the Akron Marathon.

This year, I'm sacrificing nothing. Greed prevails. I want it all! I'm shooting for PRs in every distance I race, and I will once again attempt to break the four-hour barrier in the marathon. I will announce my racing schedule at a later date.

Yearly Mileage
OK, so I fell short of 1,000 miles this year. That's no reason to not set the bar higher for 2010. I averaged 18.6 miles per week last year, and I learned that running more during marathon training helped me edge closer to my racing goal. That's why I will try to average 20 miles per week this year. That jumps my yearly mileage goal up to 1,040. Time to get to it!

New Teammate
This year, I also will be breaking in a new running partner. Check him out here. Any suggestions are appreciated on how to best get him started in his running career.

These are the potential failures you have to look forward to in 2010. Stay tuned. Cheers!

My Failing Bank

My nifty running log, an elaborate Excel spreadsheet I found by googling "running log," has a data field for "Yearly Goal Progress," which calculates how many miles I am ahead or behind my goal of reaching 1,000 miles this year based on my monthly average.

During the height of marathon training, I banked a ton of miles and have been well ahead of my goal for most of the year. Since the marathon, however, my running has been spotty. I've watched the miles I saved up dwindle away like a leaky 401(k). To make matters worse, I got sick on Friday and haven't run since last Tuesday.

From a high of 140 miles in reserve, I've squandered my mileage funds, and now I am a mere three miles ahead of the game. That is, if I keep up my current pace. I've got 20 miles logged as of the halfway mark of December, and I need another 18 to limp across the goal line. I should probably get running, unless I can get a bailout ...

Let this be a warning to you, don't tempt fate.

Retackling 1,000 Miles

Last year, one of my running goals was to run 1,000 miles, which I done did, logging my 1,000th mile on the final day of the year. You all remember when I freaked out about my mileage this time last year. December 2008 arrived when I still needed to run 116 miles to reach my goal.

Sorry, but this year's quest to top 1,000 miles won't be quite as dramatic. Here we are again on the first day of December, but this time I'm only 58 miles from my goal--exactly half as many miles as last year. All I need to do is run 14.5 miles per week. Hell, I don't even need to match November's output. Easy as eating pie! Who wants to see if this hubris bites me in the ass?

Here is November's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 72 miles (15 runs)
• Highest Weekly: 21 miles
  
• Average Weekly: 18 miles
  
• Average Pace: 9:34.25 per mile
  
• Longest/Fastest Run: 8 miles, 8:20 pace
  
• The Monthly Dif: +22 miles (50 miles in October)

Check out that Dif! I'm back on the horse. Maybe I just needed October to recuperate from the marathon.

Breathless

It's official: my marathon fitness is gone.

Sunday's jaunt through Sand Run was at a reasonable pace, but my lungs were paying the price. Afterward, I was bound and determined to get back to my core workouts, which I've neglected for the last two months.

I extracted my balance ball from its corner and dusted off the cobwebs. I spread out my mat. I even brought my dumbbells in from the trunk, where they've been stowed since I moved. The bar and weights were frigid to touch as I stacked on the two five-pound weights. I sat upon my ball, leaned back and sat up 10 times. I moved to the mat and laid face down, planted my palms next to my chest and pushed up 10 times. I picked up the dumbbell with my right hand--it still retained its chill--and curled 10 times, then switched hands and repeated. I went back to the ball and started the whole process over again, and again.

Two days later and the dull ache from punishing my sloth still lingers. I feel like a wad of cookie dough. My winter maintenance plan has gone seriously awry.

Flashback Friday: Compensating for a Small Goal ... you thought I was going to say something else, didn't you?

After taking it in the comments last week from some of you, I have readjusted the pacing goals for my weekly track workouts. I was still training with pacing in mind for the 10-K earlier this month. But now it's time to focus on the marathon and my four-hour goal.

I will now shoot for 1:45 or less per 400 meters instead of 1:40. And when I do 800-meter repeats next week, I will shoot for 3:35 or less instead of 3:25, which would have only meant a 50-percent FAIL had I made this adjustment last Thursday. Let's see how my new pace goals panned out for me.

And now the statistical rundown:

• Intervals: 9 x 400 meters
  
• Goal pace: Sub-1:45 per interval (7:02 per mile)
  
• Lap 1: 1:38.33 (6:34 per mile)
  
• Lap 2: 1:41.18 (6:46 per mile)
• Lap 3: 1:42.14 (6:50 per mile)
• Lap 4: 1:36.35 (6:26 per mile)
• Lap 5: 1:35.94 (6:22 per mile)
• Lap 6: 1:45.77 (7:02 per mile)
• Lap 7: 1:42.28 (6:50 per mile)
• Lap 8: 1:46.33 (7:06 per mile) FAIL
• Lap 9: 1:42.9 (6:50 per mile)
• Average pace: 1:41.25 (6:46 per mile)
  
• Total distance: 6.2 miles

[Drunkard's note: Total distance includes one mile warm up, 400-meter recovery laps and one mile cool down.]

Sorry, Nitmos, just one this week. Here's the monumental link again for your viewing pleasure.

Back Talk
Wherein apparently we have to review the material we've already covered this year.

Xenia is just jealous that I have good supporters on my kick-ass training runs: "The only problem with the cyclist support crew is that they won't be there on race day."

Answer: 1) Actually my cyclist supporter will be there on race day, just not following me on a bike, 2) I will also have my usual cheering section(s), 3) I will have about 10,000 fellow runners to keep me company throughout the race, 4) I will have great crowd support as Akron does a great job cheering on the marathoners, and 5) my previous experience at this race should help.

Funnyrunner and Morgan are so unfashionably late to the party in their questioning of my running without socks and having to groom my blisters.

Answer: I've answered this before. I'm not going to go over sockless running again.

Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates. Have a finely brewed weekend, and good luck to all you racers. Run well and drink well. Cheers!

Not Since Tuesday

Clearly, we have not taken the 1,000-miles-in-2008 goal very seriously around Team HQ. Or perhaps Nitmos's slothful influence has permeated our ranks. Either way, I haven't felt much like running.

My weekly mileage has plummeted like JFK Jr. these past few weeks, nosediving from 21, to 10, and finally to only three miles last week. Meanwhile, the beer intervals have picked up steadily with the arrival of Christmas Ale and Black Chocolate Stout. The only marathon on my mind has been of watching consecutive episodes of Three Sheets.

This morning's slugometer reading showed the result of all my not running with a higher numeral in the tens place. It's just winter weight, I know, but my first thought was I must run today.

Therefore, I unveil the Viper's Winter Cool Down Running Plan. The 1,000-mile goal remains, but it may be more difficult now because of my recent slacking.

My attempt to stick with three days and 21 miles per week has failed. I just don't have the desire to run double-digit miles right now. But still, if I am to reach my goal, I must run 174 miles before January 1, 2009. That's 87 miles per month. That's 23.2 miles per week. That's 3.3 miles per day.

The distance is not so daunting when it's broken down into daily miles. This reality recalls the streaking idea I had last month. Although I'm not sure I'm willing to run every day, consecutive days -- and certainly more than three days per week -- will be necessary.

So here goes The Plan:

• Monday: 3 miles
• Tuesday: 4 miles fast (track or fartlek)
• Wednesday: 3 miles
• Thursday: 4-6 miles tempo
• Friday: Happy Hour!
• Saturday: 3 miles
• Sunday: 4-10 miles LSD

This plan charts me for 21-29 miles per week, putting me on a reasonable pace to break 1,000 miles this year, but with plenty of scheduling wiggle room.

So Now What?

Last night, I was a good recovering marathoner. I really felt the urge to run, but I decided I'd put my joints through enough these past two weeks. Instead, I did some low-impact cross training to flush out the lactic acid before watching the Cleveland Browns mangle the former best team in the NFL. (Booyah!) Today, I feel surprisingly refreshed.

Now that I've got that marathon PR bug out of my system, I'm feeling directionless. I need a new challenge. Of course, I'm planning to race at least one more time to complete the chore that is Vanilla's Shave Your 5-K Challenge. But I need more than that silly drivel to keep me going through the year and into 2009.

Hide and Seek
First, I must find a 5-K so I can win that challenge. I already shaved two minutes off my 25:37 stubble time, but I need to get back to the track. The last time I ran intervals was a month ago. I need to wake up my fast-twitch muscles with some Yasso 800s.

So far, I've found only two 5-Ks in the area -- Nov. 23 and Nov. 27. Both are a bit of a drive. But unless something more convenient appears out of the racing abyss, one of these will have to suffice. But neither will keep me motivated for long. But I think perhaps I have one more PR in me.

We're Going Streaking!


Various runners over the past couple years have gone streaking, and I'm fond of streaks myself. Not necessarily running around with my danglies exposed, mind you, but I've done some other streaking. For instance, I once decided to go on a drinking streak, making it 30-some consecutive days slightly soused. And though I despise the Yankees, I've always thought Joe DiMaggio's 56-game hitting streak in 1941 was one of the cooler records in baseball history. (I also like that it ended in Cleveland.) Perhaps I should attempt my own running streak.

The Six-Minute Mile
This might be my most preposterous idea for a personal challenge. I have never, ever even sniffed a six-minute mile. Not at a race. Not at the track. Not ever. The closest I've come is a 6:52 mile pace during an 800-meter interval. (My fastest mile to date is 7:16, which I logged during my puketastic 10-K in July.) Perhaps this new ludicrous speed should be my goal to finish the year.

Or perhaps, I'll go for the trifecta. Why not?

Welcome to 2007 2008!

I know the last week has been almost unbearable without me. At least I did you the favor of one last Flashback Friday for 2007. And now, here we are in 2008, during which we shall all mistakenly put 2007 on anything we add the date to for the first few weeks.

I think this will be a good year--especially for my running and boozing livelihood.

But first, a little about good ol' 2007. I capped the year with a final long run on Monday. Seven to end '07, which put me at 817 miles for the year. In 2007, I wore out my first ever pair of running shoes, gave up on another pair and now am alternating between two other pairs. I participated in six races and PR-ed in all but one. That includes my first half and full marathons. After each of those races--and uncountable times between--my liver conquered its own workouts for an equally successful year.

To kick off the New Year, I participated in a very Viper biathlon. First, the seven to end 'o7, then a fifth to bridge the New Year and finally a three-mile recovery detox special to start 2008. As I mentioned, I've spent my racing budget for the month. However, as you can see, I did not spend my liquor budget ... yet. (Thank you for your concern, Ted.)

Caol Ila is a new Scotch for me. I selected it after my local booze mart was out of my favorite flavor. I must say, the newbie held its ground. Caol Ila is pronounced "cull eela," which is hard enough to say as it is. I kept slurring it to come out somewhere between "cool ewok" and "Kaw-Liga," like the Hank Williams song. I got the 12-year, which has a rich, smoky flavor yet goes down smooth. Give it a try.

I have yet to plan this year's racing schedule. However, I think my first race will be a 15K in March. I've never done a 15K, so I'll be starting the year off with a PR. My other goals include running 1,000 miles, breaking 50 minutes for the 10K and breaking four hours in the marathon. I'd also like to run an out-of-state race, but that will depend on my work schedule and finances.

Well, happy New Year all. Thanks for reading. This year has plenty of running in store with many trips to Blackout Island along the way. I hope you'll join me as I try to run faster and drink stronger. Cheers.

[Drunkard note: Sorry, ladies, for the photo. It was the first one that showed up when I searched for "happy new year" and I'm too lazy to find something less gender biased. Gentlemen, you are welcome.]