Goose Egg

Shit! Who let November slip by without a run? Oh, that's right. I did.

Fitness and I are on the outs. It's a sad state of affairs. Oh, sure, there were a few walks for a total of 18 miles, but nothing since Nov. 18. (Hey, 18 and 18 — symmetry!)

Behold! I am Sloth Man. See me just sit here, actually.

On the plus side, I managed to play my fiddle more in November than I had in any month since April. But of course, if you cared about that, you'd be reading my other blog.

It seems pointless to list these stats, but in the name of full disclosure and maybe to self-shame, here is last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 0 miles (0 runs)
• Total Time: 0 hours
• Highest Weekly: 0 miles
• Average Weekly: 0 miles
• Average Pace: 00:00/mile
• The Monthly Dif: -11 (11 miles in October)

BONUS STATS!

• Walking: 18.01 miles (9 walks)

So, maybe I'll run in December. Possibly? Maybe not. Maybe it's time to just call it: My 2013 running season is over. Good riddance, right? The good news is now I can get started on my obligatory "year in review" post!

Silent But Deadly

It's just like me to proclaim some big goal and then fall into the abyss. Getting back into a regular running routine has been harder than anticipated. October started out well, but then everything stopped after the 15th.

The urge to run has been strong lately, but not strong enough to overcome my desire to play the fiddle in the wee hours. There's just so little time to devote to my personal interests, and old-time music wins out.

I'm still walking most workdays during my lunch break, so at least I'm getting some amount of exercise these days. My weight has remained constant at about 190 pounds, a non-ideal number that continues to haunt me.

It's November now, and that means the Daylight Savings Time is over, and it's getting dark as you read this. If I'm going to get a run in anytime in the next few months, it's going to be in the lowlight.

The good news is that Baby Viper will soon be big enough for the running stroller. If the temperature doesn't get too cold, perhaps we'll be able to run together.

Here is last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 11 miles (3 runs)
• Total Time: 2.08 hours
• Highest Weekly: 4 miles
• Average Weekly: 2.75 miles
• Average Pace: 11:12/mile
• The Monthly Dif: +8 (3 miles in  September)

BONUS STATS!

• Walking: 32.92 miles (19 walks)

It's amazing how quickly the mileage adds up with just a few walks per week. My routes are between 1.5 and 2 miles on most days. If I eat lunch earlier, I can get in 3 miles. I wonder how long before the cold starts to impeded my motivation.

Well, that's that, folks! It's been a busy few weeks, which is why it's been silent around here. Hope your lives are in tip-top shape. Cheers!

Infantem Interrumpit

There's only one thing to do when you match your worst month of running: blame the baby.

My last run was three weeks ago, the day before Mrs. Viper and I learned we'd be meeting Baby Viper sooner than expected. The rest, as they say, is history.

Despite vowing to return to the Akron Marathon in 2014, it'll probably be some time yet before I figure out how to schedule some time to run in the new normal.

Yesterday I was even tinkering with the idea of waking up early run. I'd probably have to trade feeding shifts with my beautiful wife to make that happen. Right now, I take the 2 a.m., while she takes the 5 a.m. I'd be more apt to wake up early if my son is counting on me for nourishment and then suiting up to run afterward.

Mrs. Viper and I have succumbed to eating crap because it's easier than a healthier diet, but we agreed that has to change pronto. Right after we finish the pastichio, meat loaf and "Ho-Ho" cake her grandma made for us.

I've gotten back to tracking my weight, completing a short strength workout in the morning and walking during my lunch break. At least it's something. It's time to shed this sympathy weight.

Here is last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 3 miles (1 run)
• Total Time: 0.66 hours
• Highest Weekly: 3 miles
• Average Weekly: 0.75 miles
• Average Pace: 13:10/mile
• The Monthly Dif: -9 (12 miles in  August)

BONUS STATS!

• Walking: 15.13 miles (8 walks)

My morning workout consists of pull-ups, push-ups and planks. Lately, I'll complete two circuits of eight pull-ups using four different hand positions (wide, neutral, standard pull-up and chin-up grip), followed by a single set of as many push-ups as I can muster (about 15-20) and one or two planks for as long as possible (45-60 "1,000" count). It's enough to get the blood going. My weight is in the low 190s, about 15 pounds heavier than I'd prefer. Perseverance is the order of the day.

Terrible Quarterback Rating

Throwing to a four-foot-nothing receiver resulted in pain and sorrow on Labor Day. My 12-year-old nephew wasn't pleased with my all-day quarterbacking and called me out several times during our brothers vs. brothers duel. Our best play was the flea-flicker, where I could use my size and longer stride to race to two consecutive touchdowns against my brother and other nephew.

But still, we lost because I couldn't connect on all by one of my throws, consistently launching the ball over the outstretched arms of my teammate.

Monday's game was the most exercise I'd gotten in the last week and a half. Mrs. Viper and I are on the home stretch of pregnancy, and things have been a bit frazzled. My running took the hit.

Until my last speedy run, my monthly mileage had been on the upswing, but instead August ended with a total that ties for fourth best (and worst) of the year. Here is last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 12 miles (4 runs)
• Total Time: 2.6 hours
• Highest Weekly: 6 miles
• Average Weekly: 3 miles
• Average Pace: 13:21/mile
• The Monthly Dif: -3 (15 miles in July)

BONUS STATS!

• Walking: 17.27 miles (10 walks)

My walking stats also were down this past month, as some bad weather and a busy work schedule ate into my lunchtime routine.

My shoulder and hamstrings feel the burn this morning, but not as bad as the burning shame of my 55.4 quarterback rating, which still beats any of the Cleveland Browns quarterbacks this year.

Name Change Required?

Welcome to the Booze Hounds Inc. Running Walking Team! My new lunchtime walking routine has been great for clearing the mind and taking a break from the computer screen during my work week. Sadly, walking makes up the majority of my exercise these days.

While it's not spectacular, at least July's running has been a bit more consistent with at least one run per week. Here is last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 15 mile (6 runs)
• Total Time: 3.61 hours
• Highest Weekly: 4 miles
• Average Weekly: 3.75 miles
• Average Pace: 14:47/mile
• The Monthly Dif: +5 (10 miles in June)

BONUS STATS!

• Walking: 23.25 miles (15 walks)

As you can see, my walking stats far outpace my running, but at least I'm doing something. Considering the workouts on my new pull-up bar, perhaps the proper spin would be to say my exercise has become more diversified. Unfortunately, it's not yet translating to the scale, as my struggles to eat better continue.

What has surprised me is how walking seems to keep my legs feeling light on those occasions I go a week or more between runs. In the past, my legs would feel dead and heavy, but now they feel nimble and fresh.

One further note about my running this month, specifically my average pace. Two trips to the par course submarined my overall speed, as stopping at each station sinks my pace to about 20 minutes per mile. Excuses, excuses.

At least I ran more than I did the month before. Improvement!

New Layout Bombs
Boy, you guys really hated that new layout I unveiled in June and then replaced with the current one in early July. My blog stats fell off a cliff, from 639 total visits in May to 244 in June. Ouch! July showed an increase to 365 total visits. You win, OK? Tell your friends I fixed the layout. Cheers!

Reset Button Got Stuck

A month ago, my most recent run was a display of my uncanny ability to stay upright even while executing a one-legged slalom down a slippery slope. Remember this illustration?

This time around, my most recent run was a display of how my uncanny ability to stay upright sometimes slows me down. The problem is that most recent run was two weeks ago, rather than two days.

This seems to be my trend. Good month, bad month, bad month, bad month, good month, bad month. It's like I'm always rebooting the system.

June started off so well, but then my motivation slipped and my running fell into the abyss. Here is last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 10 miles (3 runs)
• Total Time: 2.1 hours
• Highest Weekly: 8 miles
• Average Weekly: 2.5 miles
• Average Pace: 12:36/mile
• The Monthly Dif: -26 (36 miles in May)

Yeah, so that looks terrible. At least I broke into double digits, right?

This weekend presented many opportunities to reflect on my running. Mrs. Viper and I were in Canada visiting family, and two of her cousins were excited to report they are running in the Detroit Marathon (one the half, the other the full).

We talked about barefoot running a bit and the importance of good form. I felt a twinge of jealousy and shame for not being some sort of shining example of the modern runner. Instead, it felt as if I were some elder statesman, long retired from the game.

And then, yesterday, my father-in-law ragged on me for getting too big for my breeches, literally. "That's what happens when you stop running," he said. No argument there.

Once upon a time, I harbored hopes of running a trail half marathon this year. With only eight weeks until Leave No Trace, it would have to be completed with a modest goal. Of course, I've run a half marathon on less training.

At the moment, though, I'm not feeling very hopeful. I don't want to get caught looking too far ahead, when instead I should be focusing on one step at a time.

Order of Operations

The muscles around my rib cage cramped. The mattress wouldn't go so easily, but the guest room needed to be cleared. There's a baby on the way. But maybe this project should have been completed before my run.

Another case of going accidentally too far, my run Saturday evening proved that my ability to judge distances remains poor. It turned out a figure-eight along the Buckeye and Valley Bridle trails from the Pine Lane parking lot would not fit inside a 40-minute window.

If there's one thing I learned on this run it's that my ability to stay upright may be my crowning achievement as a trail runner. After some recent thunderstorms the ground was a bit wet, which went on to prove that my Merrell Road Gloves don't have the greatest traction.

Me not falling.

On the first descent, right after passing two women with dogs, my foot slipped sideways, but I caught myself on the high bank of the hill.

But the real adventure was on the final downhill, where I went full-on one-footed slalom for a few feet.

The rest of that hill required much slower navigation, and still that wasn't the end of the slipping. Even so, never fallen on a trail run.

Another thing I learned is when I do almost fall, I make sounds like an ape. I don't know what that says, but there you have it.

And so thus went my first run in June, which means it's time to look back at last month's mileage. Here is May's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 36 miles (13 runs)
• Total Time: 8 hours
• Highest Weekly: 12 miles
• Average Weekly: 9 miles
• Average Pace: 13:17/mile
• The Monthly Dif: +24 (12 miles in April)

Yeah, so that looks better. All those trips to the Sand Run Parcours Trail slowed my average pace, but it still showed improvement if only by eight seconds per mile. Improvement is improvement, though, and I'll take it wherever I can.

My weight still bothers me, but oh well.

After my slippery run, I decided to clear out the room that will be the nursery, considering today Mrs. Viper and I are on our way to IKEA to buy baby furniture. Let's just say I slept well Saturday night.

Maybe in May

It's May already. The new normal indicates that life will never slow down again, but rather increasingly accelerate toward infinity. Therefore, look back at your own peril. We're already losing time to make up lost ground. Here's April's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 12 miles (5 runs)
• Total Time: 2.99 hours
• Highest Weekly: 6 miles
• Average Weekly: 3 miles
• Average Pace: 13:25/mile
• The Monthly Dif: +6

If you're up on your math skills, you'll see that I doubled last month's mileage, which impresses exactly no one. Despite recent trends, I'm feeling hopeful for May's running.

Well, at least for this week.

With an average of 1.25 runs per week, it's hard to gain any sort of momentum. Regular runs early this month started to result in improved times, but still it wasn't enough to effect change on the bathroom scale.

Mrs. Viper dropped some knowledge on me last night, telling me she's observed why I've gained more weight than she has during her pregnancy. To wit, when I stop running, I start eating like a trash compactor.

She had heard tales of my prodigious appetite, but had only really witnessed it in the form of snacking. I'll take down a bag of chips in record time. But those used to be isolated instances, whereas my current habits have exacerbated this quality.

In college, I developed a bit of a reputation among friends and family of being able to eat A LOT without really showing signs of it on my frame.

By the time Mrs. Viper and I met, however, my appetite had become less gargantuan, which can probably be traced to the fact that I was conscientious about what I was eating to fuel my body for running.

It's not that I'm eating particularly unhealthily right now, she said, but I'm eating way more. I'm having a hard time with portion control. Maybe this will be a turning point.

Horses Are Hard to Ride

The problem with "getting back on the horse" is how difficult it can be stay on at first. Let's just say, there have been relapses. Failure to log my food. Failure to not eat like crap. Failure to reduce sugar intake.

There was, however, some activity logged. So at least there's that.

Friday, with the office closed for un-Orthodox Good Friday, I logged some time on the Buckeye Trail, a 30-minute out-and-back run on a sometimes soggy slurry of a path. A game of beat the clock helped me rediscover "Beast Mode," as one final hill stood between me and the final buzzer of my watch alarm.

My run began at the Blue Hen Falls trailhead in Boston Township. The trail starts off with a steep downhill along craggy asphalt that's in the process of being reclaimed by nature. At the bottom is a bridge over a creek with the overlook to the small falls to the right and a rude uphill straight ahead.

I started my timer at the bridge with the goal of making it back to the car before the buzzer sounded. My confidence was immediately boosted when my legs responded well to that rude incline and upward my legs chugged without the need to walk.

My legs were feeling stronger than during other recent runs. Was this a sign of progress? My running schedule has followed more of a biweekly basis, but I walk daily and have added a circuit workout once or twice a week.

The latter exercise includes squats and lunges, which I used to be allergic to but recently discovered that the principle of short strides also applies here. In the past, I would lunge too far and would soon discover my knee hurt from the stress. Don't overstride, people.

My alarm sounded at 15 minutes to signal my turnaround point, which of course coincided with having just descended into another valley. Climbing back up the hill resulted in the first of many walk breaks of my short run.

This section of the Buckeye Trail crosses an overhead utility right of way, which marks about three-tenths of a mile from the parking area. My watch showed less than five minutes to go. This was going to be close.

The hill to the falls was much less rude going down. But that craggy asphalt was hell going up. My apologies to the families who were just trying to enjoy a nice spring day. Beast Mode is not pretty.

Each step that beat the buzzer propelled me ever upward. My legs strained. My lungs screamed. My face contorted. Those poor, poor passersby.

The parking lot neared. Just a bit farther. But then the alarm went off. Close, but no cigar.

Still, though, I was happy with the effort. Running to the alarm provides strong motivation to run hard, but it also governs my distance based on my ability. I've always been a mile marker, but now I enjoy marking the minutes.

Saturday was another good weather day. My legs were tired, but I wanted to run. Instead, I took the dog for a long walk through the surrounding neighborhoods. It was good recovery and good exercise too.

Unfortunately, I followed that up with a terrible diet for the rest of the weekend. This week, I'll do better.

Flashback Friday: Eliminate the Negative

In the past, the start of a new month heralded a running recap of the prior month. Considering that recap consists of very little, let's just skip it, OK guys?

If that rat bastard Phil was right, spring should be here any day now, despite a weather forecast showing nothing remotely like an end to winter. If and when that actually happens, you'll see some running. I miss the trails.

As if Northeast Ohio wasn't north enough, Mrs. Viper and I are headed up to Canada tomorrow for some Greek dancing and to visit family. That will probably be the extent of my exercise this weekend.

Back Talk
Wherein strangers talk about the weather

Redhead has hit the proverbial wall: "Over the last week I officially hit my breaking point with this weather. Fuck living in the north."

Answer: Rule No. 1 of living in the Great Lakes region — Never admit defeat. You're just asking for another Super Storm blizzard.

Jess also envies the Viperous bunker: "Snuggling up and watching movies sounds pretty rad to me! Could be worse: You could be channeling 'The Shining.'"

Answer: What's wrong with channeling "The Shining"?



Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates! Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!

The Final Freeze of February ... Hopefully

This is usually the last hard month of winter in Northeast Ohio. "Usually" being the operative word, as there have been years when we've had major snowstorms well into March. But let's stick with the usual.

The bunker has been stocked with blankets, warming spirits and the occasional chocolate stout. After a brief warm-up, an extended cold snap has refrozen the North Coast. Knowing that heat rises, I've often retreated to the attic to practice the fiddle, rather than venturing down the icy roads and sidewalks to run a few miles.

Yes, it's February now, and I have yet to run a step, but let's remember how well I started off the New Year. Here's January's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 21 miles (7 runs)
• Total Time: 3.7 hours
• Highest Weekly: 9 miles
• Average Weekly: 5.25 miles
• Average Pace: 10:24/mile
• The Monthly Dif: We're starting over

These numbers far exceed December's stats and put me on a good footing for 2013. Now, if the weather would cooperate a bit.

The good news is that the temperature is supposed to get up into the high 30s tomorrow, which may help break my hibernation cycle and allow me to build some momentum again. Maybe Punxsutawney Phil's prediction will be correct and spring will come early, but after last year's snafu I'm wondering if he's a year behind.

Flashback Friday: No November Rain

Chances are I've already run as many miles as I'm going to run this month. With a soiree tonight, there's no time to get in one last workout to avoid tying my lowest monthly mileage of the year. (Done with fewer runs!) So be it.

December is tomorrow. November is all but over. Here's the month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 6 miles (1 run)
• Total Time: 1.5 hours
• Highest Weekly: 6 miles
• Average Weekly: 1.5 miles
• Average Pace: 15:29/mile
• The Monthly Dif: -18 miles (24 miles in October)

These paltry numbers don't preclude me from logging some mileage this weekend, when the weather forecast looks favorable. Of course, it's going to have to fit around my search for a fiddle for Christmas, but that's another story.

My  goal  intention for the remainder of the year is to be a "weekend warrior" in terms of running.

Also of note for November: This was the only month when I recorded only one run, and this monthly recap has fallen on a Flashback Friday two months in a row. How about that?

Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates! Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!

Flashback Friday: A Weekend to Return

Until Frankenstorm wiped out Halloween and a week's worth of running, my mileage had started to creep back toward the realm of near-respectability. Sadly, my last run was Wednesday of last week when Martini tried to hill-kill me.

We finally got a break from the rain, and the forecast this weekend looks favorable to get back to running.

This year continues to speed toward its end regardless of my slow progress in achieving my revised goals. November is here, and I have yet another month of improved running. Here's last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 24 miles (6 runs)
• Total Time: 5.3 hours
• Highest Weekly: 11 miles
• Average Weekly: 6 miles
• Average Pace: 13:15/mile
• The Monthly Dif: +7 miles (17 miles in September)

Time has returned after a long, long hiatus! Except for one short neighborhood run, 90 percent of my mileage was completed on trails. There's a race at the end of the month that Mrs. Viper and I have talked about running, Home Run for the Homeless, a four-mile run that I DNB'd back in 2007. We'll see what happens.

Back Talk
Wherein we revisit our cultural heritage

Jess wonders about our Super Storm Sandy entertainment: "I never watched Twin Peaks when it aired originally, I think I was in like 6th grade, so wasn't age appropriate. Is it good? Or is the falling asleep business indicative of its quality?"

Answer: Twin Peaks is my favorite TV show ever. This falling asleep business has more to do with how close to bedtime we decide to start watching the DVDs. We're also considering a trip down memory lane to the Brat Pack era. Last night, we watched St. Elmo's Fire.

Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates! Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!

Honorable Mentions

Because yesterday's Akron Marathon post was already overlong, I didn't want to tack on even more information, but wait there is actually more.

Two additional runners participated in the race who deserve some mention: my sister and my friend Martini.

My sister ran the second leg of the marathon relay (4.8 miles), after being conned into it at the last minute with 10 days until race day. She sent me a frantic text message to ask for training advice. My sister is a bit of a gym rat, but not much of a runner. This was her first race, and she finished much faster than she expected.

Once a frequent training partner, Martini has left me in his dust. He ran this year's marathon in 3:16 and change and was disappointed. Yeah.

At any rate, kudos to them even though they're not readers here.

Guess what, it's October now. Can you believe it? For the first time in a while, we can discuss some improvements in relation to my running in September. Here's last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 17 miles (4 runs)
• Total Time: N/A
• Highest Weekly: 10 miles
• Average Weekly: 4.25 miles
• Average Pace: N/A
• The Monthly Dif: +11 miles (6 miles in August)

Time was still a non-factor, and it may remain so until whenever speed seems relevant again. Despite an almost three-week break, my monthly mileage was almost triple August's paltry number. All but one of those runs was barefoot, which means that 12 percent of my total mileage this year has been completed without shoes.

Considering how woefully short I am of my 1,000-mile goal this year, I've revised my target to 533 miles -- one more mile than last year's total. A little bit of the maths tells me I'll need to average more than 63 miles per month and almost 16 miles per week to reach that height.

That'll be tough, but more doable than 219 per month and 54.75 miles per week to reach 1,000.

Plans for the remainder of the year are still in discussion. There's a Halloween race Mrs. Viper and I are considering, as well as a Thanksgiving Day race. We're trying to motivate ourselves to remain active with rewards, such as a new backpack for short hikes, running shoes and other items we usually deem too expensive.

How was your September, teammates? Any plans for the last quarter of the year? Cheers!

A New Low

The good news is Mrs. Viper and I completed our first week of training for the Akron Marathon Relay. The bad news is that last week's running wasn't enough to avoid a new low in monthly mileage.

For those keeping track, this is two months in a row of new lows. Let's get to the numbers! Here's last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 6 miles (2 runs)
• Total Time: N/A
• Highest Weekly: 6 miles
• Average Weekly: 1.5 miles
• Average Pace: N/A
• The Monthly Dif: -17 miles (23 miles in July)

To start our training, we haven't been keeping track of time, but that will change once we're feeling confident enough to suffer the blow of how we're slow.

So far, all of my training runs have been barefoot. The biggest challenge was yesterday's four-mile run on the Towpath, which features a surface full of tiny pebbles with some recently fallen buckeyes added in for kicks. My feet felt numbed from the excessive stimuli for a good half hour after we finished.

This was my longest run since I ran five miles on July 4.

To save us from doing too much too soon, the training plan consists of a rest day after each run day. Once my wife gets the OK from the doctor, we'll probably add some tennis into the mix as cross training.

Countdown to Race Day: 25 days!

Hitting Bottom

Perhaps it's a good thing that it's already August. July started off strong, with a 10-mile run to cap a 25-mile week, but then the bottom dropped off.

My running schedule was delayed a bit that second week, as my next run wasn't until the hottest Independence Day ever, then I hit the busy parcours the next day, and then nothing for three weeks.

The run-less streak finally ended last Friday, with my Crazy Eights routine. By that time, however, the damage was done. Here's last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 23 miles (5 runs)
• Total Time: 4.71 hours
• Highest Weekly: 7 miles
• Average Weekly: 5.75 miles
• Average Pace: 12:17/mile
• The Monthly Dif: -24 miles (47 miles in June)

Yep, that's my lowest monthly mileage of the year. Those stats are just depressing, especially in light of supposed marathon training.

The other day, I attempted to devise a quick-ramp-up plan to get into 20-miler shape, but then I lost the motivation Monday to get started. The run was delayed until last night. My body still hurt a bit from my intense workout over the weekend.

The three-mile barefoot run was enjoyable, but the thought of trying to turn around and run five miles today seemed like a recipe for injury.

The thought occurred to me that I'm not respecting the distance. I think I can just fake it and be able to run 26 miles in two months. Am I just fooling myself?

Instead of taking control of my running and making a decision about the marathon, I've instead acquiesced to the "whatever happens, happens" scenario. Like some John Irving character, I'm putting off a choice and instead doing nothing, hoping that it'll all sort out itself.

Yesterday, I read that the Akron Marathon only has 100 places left open for the full, and right now the budget says an entry fee is out of the question until later. I'm starting to accept how this will likely end.

Dog Days of Summer Running

June ended on an upward trend with the completion of last week's planned mileage and marking my highest weekly total all year. That said, June's tally looks like a crap sandwich with really good bread, as my last four weekly totals were 23, 7, 10 and 25 miles.

July arrived with a 10-miler Sunday morning with Mrs. Viper riding her bike alongside me on the Towpath as the temperature climbed into the mid-90s before we were finished. That run pushed me over 300 miles for the year.

It felt good to begin the month on the right foot. Here's last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 47 miles (10 runs)
• Total Time: 10.81 hours
• Highest Weekly: 25 miles
• Average Weekly: 11.75 miles
• Average Pace: 13:47/mile
• The Monthly Dif: 0 miles (47 miles in May)

My monthly mileage stayed the same, but my pace continued to get slower. For three months in a row now, my average speed has decreased by at least one minute per mile. Part of that may be due to one of the toughest runs of my life Saturday.

But first, let's pick up where we left off on Friday, when I had hoped to make up for the skipped mileage from Thursday's shortened sweat-fest.

With a half-day at my disposal and after a mid-afternoon thunderstorm cooled things off, I went for my first barefoot run since the end of May. The three-mile jaunt around my block was so much fun that I decided to try running barefoot on some trails for my five-miler the next day.

After logging nearly 20-minute miles, I have just one question. Why is there so much gravel in the world?

Here, I was worried about kicking a rock or a root. I only kicked one rock, immovable though it was, but the gravel was the most daunting terrain. Of the five miles I "ran," three had to be over gravel, or so it seemed.

The parts that weren't gravel at the Pine Grove and Ledges trails were a joy. The parts that were gravel, however, can go right to hell.

Flashback Friday: My Birthday Month Arrives

June is here already. In two weeks I'll be another year closer to a new age group. In eight days it'll be 16 weeks until the Akron Marathon. My training is about to begin. Good thing I finished May on the upswing, after logging my lowest monthly mileage in April.

For all of last month, I focused on running trails. My speed has not improved, but I'm feeling smoother and more confident in my abilities. Without further ado, here's last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 47 miles (11 runs)
• Total Time: 9.32 hours
• Highest Weekly: 19 miles
• Average Weekly: 11.75 miles
• Average Pace: 12:37/mile
• The Monthly Dif: +9 miles (38 miles in April)

My average pace slowed by a whole minute this month, but more than 93 percent of my mileage (all but three miles) was logged on trails, where my average pace clocked in at 12:44 per mile. However, last night's four-miler resulted in an 11:40 mile pace.

After the long, steep uphill at the beginning of the Riding Run trail, I decided to see how long I could push the pace, yet trying not to actually push. My goal was to run easy, but quickly.

The southbound leg of the trail features a wide and relatively smooth terrain with a gentle, upward slope. My legs felt as if they were made of carbon fiber, lightweight and sturdy.

Soon the trail turned to the east, which meant downhill and lots of tree roots, but let us pause to castigate some fellow trail users.

When the two of you are stopped to chat and you see someone running toward you, do you think you could move off to the side to allow him to run by without having to contort his body to avoid contact? Could you, please?

Let me point out that clearing where you could have stood all day long without blocking this narrow bend in the path.

These are the people that make other people want to eat the faces off those people's faces.

Anyway, my foot caught a root soon after my encounter with the living dumb, causing me to ponder slowing down to navigate this more technical terrain. A wise choice, considering the next person I saw was a lady who slipped onto her ass, and she was just walking her dog.

After the run, I decided to do 10 burpees, and ohsweetbabylordjeebus those hurt. Surprisingly, I'm not sore today. I guess I need to work harder to hurt myself.

Back Talk
Wherein some people revel in others' misfortune

Redhead got a kick out of last weekend's successful trail run: "I wish I had taken a pic of Jamoosh's face when I asked him how the run went. :) LOL! Glad you guys had fun and survived."

Answer: I bet he wouldn't have smiled.

Happy Hour is nearly upon us, teammates. Have a finely brewed weekend. Run well and drink well. Cheers!

April Showers Bring May Showers

We better be seeing some May flowers with April's showers coming late in the month -- so late that thunderstorms are forecast for the rest of the week. Oh well. At least we got some springtime heat with the rain.

My activities seem to have faltered in April. Both my running and banjo playing were negligent. Perhaps I just needed a mental break from increasing mileage and improving my old-timey acumen.

Whatever the cause for my dropoff in mileage, I've continued to improve my trail running prowess. Here's last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 38 miles (eight runs)
• Total Time: 7.36 hours
• Highest Weekly: 21 miles
• Average Weekly: 9.5 miles
• Average Pace: 11:37/mile
• The Monthly Dif: -27 miles (65 miles in March)

My average pace slowed yet again this month, but more than 75 percent of my mileage (all but nine miles) was logged on trails, where my average pace has been slower than 12 minutes per mile for the past two months.

If my pre-training plan were to resume this week, the schedule would prescribe four runs for a total of 21 miles, with a long run of 12 miles. While the first three weeks of April resulted in a total of 13.6 miles -- not one of those higher than single digits -- my final week got back on track.

With 21 miles on just three runs and a long of 11 miles last week, I'm poised to jump back into my planned routine. One thing that has helped is bringing my running clothes to work so that I can just head straight to my chosen venue during the week, but the weekends have been a different story.

Instead of running, those first three weekends were spent dealing with a bout of norovirus, shopping for a lawnmower and celebrating Greek Easter, and then giving in to even more crappy weather and demotivation. But then it clicked.

Despite surpassing my fitness limits Sunday, it was great to finish a long run after such a layoff. Perhaps this renewed sense of accomplishment will motivate me to get out the door again this weekend and those to come. 

Some Cruel April Fools' Joke

The month of April started off OK, with a morning drive with my wife, family visits, a short run to cap off another successful pre-training week, Chipotle for dinner, an Old Fashioned made "the way dear ol' dad used to," and the second episode of this season's Mad Men. Then, by the end of the episode, I was feeling bloated and queasy. A few hours later, I was yacking into the toilet. Another couple hours of tossing and turning, and I was doing it again.

Going through the events of the last day, I tried to come up with a reason for my sudden sickness:

• Too much running?
• Chipotle poisoning?
• Old Fashioned intoxication?
• Mad Men madness?

After the first bout of nausea, I went downstairs to attempt to sleep on the couch. Mrs. Viper came down the next morning not feeling well herself. We thought maybe food poisoning since we both had it and both had the steak from Chipotle. We barely ate anything yesterday. The doctor told us it wasn't food poisoning, but a virus.  Now I'm wondering who got us sick.

Kind of a shame to end the weekend like that.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday featured some good running. Despite a series of mishaps to start Friday's run, my three-miler turned out to a be one of my quickest of the year. I wore my new reflective vest for the first time and decided to try out the chest pocket to carry my phone.

I didn't make it past my next door neighbor's house before turning around to grab my running belt. By the time I got back out the door and down the road just enough not to turn back, it started raining. I wished I had a hat and my gloves, but oh well. Then my sock started slipping below my heel, but oh well.

When I finished, I was surprised to see the fast pace. My run benefited from "rain speed."

rain speed n. 1. unexpected quickness due to downpour, 2. when the desire to get out of rainy weather causes one to move faster than normal.

Saturday's long trail run was one of my more awesome runs of the year. I took a slightly new route on the Buckeye Trail and looped over to the Valley Bridal Trail for eight miles. The scenery was excellent, I saw many deer along the way, and I'm pretty sure I saw a Sasquatch. It was a perfect way to wrap up March's mileage.

Sunday's three-miler should have been slower, because my legs were tired and were clearly in need of recovery. Nevertheless, I wrapped up another good week of running.

With all that said, March went out like a lamb and April arrived with showers. Here's last month's statistical rundown:

• Total Miles: 65 miles (15 runs)
• Total Time: 12.12 hours
• Highest Weekly: 17 miles
• Average Weekly: 16.25 miles
• Average Pace: 11:11/mile
• The Monthly Dif: +18 miles (47 miles in February)

My average pace slowed again this month, but all my longer runs have been on trails, where my average pace is 12:18 per mile. March also included my first race of the year -- also on trails -- the Dirty Dash 10K.

April's pre-training plan has me getting up to double-digit long runs, finally. This week I have four runs planned for a total of 18 miles, with a long run of nine miles and at least one run on trails.

An Old Fashioned Guy
BrianFlash inspired to make some cocktails this weekend. I'm usually a beer or straight Scotch man, but his musings about Bourbon got me thinking about Old Fashioneds. I picked up some Elijah Craig, bitters, maraschino cherries, and oranges, then set about to make some beverages.

Just press the button marked booze.

Mrs. Viper also picked up a bottle of Mr. & Mrs. T's mixer, which was surprisingly tasty, although I don't care for the high fructose syrup content.

Farewell Caballo
If you missed my update from Sunday, Micah True (aka Caballo Blanco) was found dead Saturday after being reported missing when he didn't return from a run in the Gila Wilderness in New Mexico. Christopher McDougall, who introduced the world to the man who started the Copper Canyon Ultra Marathon, which was the central storyline of Born to Run, has this tribute on his blog.