Wednesday, May 6, 2009

En Garde!

This week I was challenged to a duel. And I accepted.

After reading my Monday post, Mike at Running Is Funny suggested we face off during our respective Memorial Day 5-Ks. The winner gets well nothing at all really except bragging rights.

Mike's 5-K PR is exactly one minute faster than mine, which -- contrary to his blog title -- isn't funny at all. And his most recent 5-K was 20 seconds faster than my PR. Still not funny.

Despite his record of being faster, I've got youth on my side, as I'm about 20 years younger. And I'm not coming off an injury. And all my scientific research tells me I'm on the upswing of my running life, while I'm just going to propagate the potential lie that Mike is on the downswing, as his old brittle bones are letting the back of the pack catch up to him.

I've run two consecutive 20-mile weeks with another on the way, and Mike has run 12 miles (allegedly) in the last six weeks. I ran six repeats of 800-meter intervals at an average 7:35 mile pace last week, while Mike ran a 1.75-mile loop at 8:10 pace yesterday.

My biggest advantage, however, is you, my dimwitted readers.

Many of you have already played into my hand by rooting against me at Mike's site. I would expect nothing less. Keep it up. I love nothing more than playing the villain. Even if you start rooting for me, I'll know you are lying. Your negativity feeds my fire. I can feel your anger. Yes! Yes!

[Drunkard's note: Insert diabolical laugh.]

14 comments:

Xenia said...

'Despite his record of being father...'

Dude, is this some weird Darth Vader/Luke Skywalker thing or something?

Vanilla said...

Don't respond to Xenia's question Viper, you'll just end up getting photoshopped into some Star Wars character at Xenia's blog.

What is it with you and Star Wars?

Viper said...

Oops. Apparently, daddy didn't love me enough and it seeps out in my typos. Thanks.

Roisin said...

Sick. Very, very sick.

Xenia said...

Sorry, Star Wars is just on the brain lately. How about this for a better analogy--Viper as the demon spawn Damien and Mike as Gregory Peck in The Omen.

Much more apt, I think. Go, pseudo-Gregory Peck, go! :)

Viper said...

Yes, Xenia, that's the ticket. There were sequels with Damien, none with Gregory Peck. Now, that is an omen.

FLATOUT JIM said...

BRAGGING RIGHTS?

I think the winner should get to bitch slap the loser. Loser pays the plane ticket.

Mike said...

No. No. Think of it as one of those 1970s kung fu movies where the ancient master is challenged by the young guy's drunken monkey style.

Xenia said...

Sonofabitch, I suck at analogies! Let's go with Mike's. It's way better and also super funny re:
'monkey style'. Heh.

Jess said...

I'm sure you will fail in this endeavor. But I enjoy watching you try. It's endearing.

Spike said...

Viper, to be fair, you don't stand a chance. Maybe Mike is your daddy!

Nitmos said...

I doubt either of you finish.

Two DNF's.

Then we all win. Well, except you two.

funnyrunner said...

You crack me up... I'm just googling around at running blogs... when I should be working...

joyRuN said...

You're a little scary.