2013: Might as Well End it Here

It's the halfway mark of December, but it might as well be the end of the month and thus the end of the year, because that's how it feels. I'm done with 2013. Here is my take on the obligatory "year in review" post that everyone is doing now.

Don't get me wrong. This has been a momentous year, all except for when it comes to my running. While being fit and healthy is important to me, it just wasn't a top priority this past 12 months. And that's OK. There's always next year. But first, let's take a look back.

We have to start with my goals for 2013, which I didn't bother to announce until Oct. 11, exactly a month after my son was born. My goals were meager, but still mostly unattainable. They were:

• Break 1,000 miles 400 miles 200 miles.
• Weigh 170 pounds 175 pounds 180 pounds
• Return to the Akron Marathon and run two trail races Run a 5K this winter
• Run barefoot 10 percent of this year's total mileage

Let's see how I fared!

You Take the Good
At 13, my barefoot mileage is actually more than 10 percent of this year's 129 miles. I should probably keep my not-running streak going to make sure I maintain this singular running achievement.

However, if you want the real good stuff, you have to look beyond the miles I ran in 2013, because babies be life changing. I ran three times after Baby Viper was born, and that was all in October. Instead, I've been focusing on being a dad, which is way cooler than slogging out a few miles a day.

Baby Viper has put on nearly 10 pounds since he came into the world a month early. He's smiling up a storm, and that wipes away any disappointment I may have in regard to other aspects of my life.

Mrs. Viper and I are adjusting well to life as a couple married with children. We're tired and sometimes cranky with each other, but I sense we're growing stronger and learning to better communicate our needs.

Although I haven't played as much music as I had hoped to this year, I've made great progress in learning to play the fiddle. Once I found I could play in the mornings and not wake up Mrs. Viper and not make my son cry in holy terror, I started to get into a good practice routine. There's still a long way to go, as old-time banjo and fiddle guru Dwight Diller says, "It takes 10 years just to start learning to play the fiddle."

Our holiday gift beer should be ready to taste on Tuesday, though I'll probably let it condition a little longer before testing to make sure recipients won't gag on their homemade Christmas gift.

Which brings me to our debt situation. We've paid off one credit card and 25 percent of another, taking us to more than 8 percent of our total since signing up at ReadyForZero. That's good progress in two months.

You Take the Bad
Unfortunately, the rest of my running and health related goals were a bust. I'm sitting at 129 miles for the year, well shy of my revised goal of 200. My weight continues to hover around 190 pounds, but this past month it's consistently been below that undesirable mark by two or three pounds, so hooray for movement toward that 180-pound goal line. As you are all well aware, I didn't run a single race this year, and it doesn't look like Mrs. Viper and I will get ourselves to a 5K this winter. Maybe the spring?

And There You Have the Facts of Life
OK, so I purposefully kept the bad parts of this review contained in one paragraph while lauding my non-running triumphs, but as Johnny Mercer says, you have to accentuate the positive. I know I'll get back to running eventually. I know things won't always be this hectic. Time won't always feel so crunched. Everything ebbs and flows.

Bottled Up

Last night, the missus and I completed the final stage of brewing for our holiday gift ale. I wanted to bottle the beer on Sunday, but at the last moment realized I was about 20 bottles short. What a rookie mistake!

This having been only our second batch of beer since I purchased the two-stage kit back in 2010, we might as well have been first-timers. Here, I thought I had saved and stockpiled enough bottles from that tasty "Patient Zero" porter.

Immediately upon learning of my gaffe, I sent out a desperate plea for empties to my Facebook friends. The first responders had nothing. The next day, Mrs. Viper started calling local bars to see if they had any bottles to spare. To our surprise, one bartender was quite willing to set aside that day's haul, but she said there was no way they'd have the amount we needed on a Monday. Finally, one of my banjo-playing brethren sent me a direct message saying he could help. Score!

I spent the night washing and sanitizing my cache of brown and green bottles. I had about a dozen that were recently debeered, so I had the extra enjoyment of scraping off labels. Let me tell you something: If you're a homebrewer on the hunt for bottles with easy labels to peel off, seek out the offerings from Bell's Brewery. On a recent beer-buying rampage, my lovely wife picked up three six-packs of seasonal brew, one of which being Bell's Java Stout. Compared to other brands, Bell's labels peel right off with just a bit of warm water. It's like they care about their homebrewing customers.

All told, we have seven six-packs and two magnum-sized bottles for our gift-giving list. The brew will be ready to drink just after Christmas. From what we tasted last night, it should be pretty good. By my calculations, the beer will be about 7 percent ABV, but it doesn't taste like it. Hopefully, there will be a few extras to keep Chez Viper stocked for at least a little while.

Flashback Friday: A World of No

It's going to be a homebrewed Christmas.

This is how we spent our Sunday. What you see is the beginning stages of the best chemistry experiment I know of, boiling the wort for a holiday ale.

It's hard to believe it's been three years since the last time we brewed a batch of beer, but life has been a bit busy since then. There was marriage, buying our first house, having a kid, etc.

On that most recent life event, becoming a dad has been awesome. Every day I'm amazed at the new life in my life. He has enriched our lives in weighs we can't even quantify. But there's a catch.

As new parents, we find ourselves living in a world of nos. There's no time, no sleep, no energy, no exercise and no money. Yes, Baby Viper has changed everything, as "they" said he would.

It's been so long since my last run, there's no point in even counting. It has gotten to the point where I've considered abandoning this blog and starting a parenting blog, because there aren't enough of those. If I also started a food blog, I could complete the trifecta of most abundant blog categories.

The reality is, I don't have the energy to start up a new blog and try to get you guys to switch over. This one will have to do. It would be different if I were making money from this little hobby. (Oops.)

The lack of money is why we found ourselves brewing beer last weekend.

Even before Baby Viper was born, Mrs. Viper and I were doing our best to save money and pay down the debt we amassed in our more reckless days. Living on the cheap isn't all that new to us, but having a baby in the house has compounded our financial circumstances.

As our son spent nine days in the NICU, parenthood has come with an unexpected deluge of new medical bills to pay on top of the added expense of having another mouth to feed, another body to clothe and another doctor to visit. We are lucky that our family has been able to help us, but still the budget is tighter than ever.

I keep reminding myself that it won't always be like this. It takes a lot of work and patience to pay off debt. We're using ReadyForZero to help us stay on track with our financial goals. According to our plan, we'll pay off all of our credit cards by the end of 2017. We've already paid off one account since signing up in October. It feels good, but we've had to say no to a lot of temptations.

We've had to cut back on most of our entertainment spending. Dining out is down to a minimum. Personal spending is virtually nil. We pay our bills and have just enough for food and gasoline. Christmas is going to be tough.

That's why we decided to make this year a homemade affair. Everybody gets a photo of the baby and something we made. I'm not crafty like my wife, but I have the tools to make beer. Our holiday ale is fermenting as we speak. I'm still not sure what we'll do for our nieces, nephews and younger cousins.

Not being able to spend money has reinforced one of the reasons why running became my exercise of choice. If you don't get caught up in buying all the fancy gear, it's one of the cheapest ways to stay fit. Add in body-weight exercises like push-ups and pull-ups, and I could be super healthy -- you know, if I actually did those things.

Sadly, exercise has fallen by the wayside for both Mrs. Viper and me. She has a YMCA membership that has languished since before the baby arrived. I haven't run in more than a month. I haven't even been walking much since the weather took a frigid turn this past week.

You'd think living cheap would help us lose weight. If we don't buy as much food, we can't eat as much, right? That hasn't been the case for me. Every morning it's the same. My weight stays around 190 pounds, which is 10 to 15 pounds heavier than I'd prefer.

As the holidays approach, the temptation to eat poorly will only increase. We'll have to find more willpower to keep saying no. Saying no is no fun, but it can be rewarding in the long run.

I Still Have a Six-Pack

Just one six-pack. One lonely six-pack. Last night, I cracked open a beer for dinner and saw the sad depletion of a once plentiful bounty of 7 5/6 six packs that the Enthusiast and I birthed just a short time ago. Now only one remains.

I hope you didn't misconstrue the title of this post and think that I meant a six pack of abdominal muscles. Don't be silly. I never had one of those, and I'm much further from having one now if I was ever close before.

I told the Enthusiast about our sad state of affairs, and she said, "Time to start brewing," in a matter-of-fact tone.

After brewing a pre-packaged recipe for our porter, we are feeling adventurous and hope to brew our next batch from scratch. We've kicked around a couple ideas, two of which would honor the Enthusiast's Greek heritage: an Ouzo beer (probably a stout) and a Baklava beer (I'd like to call it "BaklavAle").

[Drunkard's note: Those ideas are totally patent-pending. If you steal them I'm going to punch you in the dick. Or the cooter. Don't think I won't.]

So, my fellow home brewers, what advice do you have for concocting a beer recipe? I have a couple books to help us, but I would like to hear from you. Light up the comments like a Festivus Pole.

Nobody Even Got Sick

So far everyone is still alive. The list of potential victims would be long. Last week, the Enthusiast and I unveiled our as yet unnamed homebrewed porter. For now, let's call it "Patient Zero" -- just in case.

Our friends were first to try it on Tuesday, a few days shy of being bottle conditioned for the recommended four weeks. Then Thursday we infected our families. Everyone has been kind in telling us that it's good.

I've noticed a tendency for our beer to foam a bit more than I'd like, but otherwise would agree with the "good" assessment. However, I'm disappointed with how quickly our stash has dwindled in one quick week. Three six packs were gone -- p00f! -- just like that.

For good measure, please remember the number 1 (800) 222-1222 in case of emergency.

Down and Out Weekend
Aside from the beer, many other friends and foes went down this weekend. Here's a recap:

• First of all, there was Ohio State's yearly trouncing of Michigan. Bye, Rich Rod. 
• Then the Cavs managed to pull off another win without LeBron. 
• And then the Browns carefully avoided another loss on Sunday. 
• However, food was the biggest item downed, which will require me to get back out there and do what the primary theme of this blog suggests I do: run, maybe? 

Bottled Up and Ready to Go

Finally, the beer is in its final delivery vessels. In just four short weeks -- though, I'll likely crack one open after two -- the Enthusiast and I will be able to drink our porter.

We have 47 bottles. We started filling the 48th, but it was a bit short so we decided to just drink it then and there to get a good taste for what we're in for. It was the Enthusiast's first sampling of the brew. (I've had plenty from gulping it through the siphoning tube.) Her enthusiastic reaction: "It's really good!"

The porter is reading at about 5.25 percent ABV right now, a little lower than I expected. But the taste is enjoyable, even in the warm, flat state it was in last night.

Short Month
Have you guys seen October? It seems to have gone missing, and me having only ran 10 miles the whole month. That may be a new record low.

Falling for Gimmicks 
Early last month, I was sure I had found my new running shoes. I had been reading about New Balance's upcoming Minimus line of minimalist running shoes. This model is due out early 2011, but its predecessor is available now: the MT 101s.

Dollars from my most recent paycheck were earmarked for this purchase, but then I tried on a pair of Vibram FiveFingers KSOs.

My thinking was that I would ask for the Vibrams for Christmas. I convinced myself that these are gimmicky shoes, but I still wanted to try them. I was surprised by how comfortable the KSOs were, and the Enthusiast coaxed my repressed, inner spender to open my wallet.

Of all the new "barefoot shoes" available now, the Vibrams seem to be the closest to what I want for the lowest price. (Have you seen those $160 Terra Plana shoes?) I wanted to be able to continue barefoot-like running through the winter, and I'm hoping these will do the trick.

Return of the Run, I
With new shoes comes new motivation. My first run in the Vibrams had to wait until this morning. My body was a bit shocked by how cold the temperature was. Did you know that it's fall?

My feet felt a little strange with the snug fit of the FiveFingers. The little bit of padding really does have an impact on the difference between true barefooting and running in "barefoot shoes." As Barefoot Josh has said, there is a very wide gap between the two. I was careful not to pound my feet, paying close attention to my form. With just one run, I already like them better than my aqua socks and hippy shoes.

First Taste

If you've ever siphoned gasoline from your neighbor's gas tank, you know that you inevitably get a taste of fine, refined petroleum in the process. Well, that's how I got a taste of the porter last night while the Enthusiast and I racked the beer into the carboy to clarify.

I kind of winced as I pulled the filthylooking wort through the tube, not knowing what to expect. The liquid swirled in my mouth while I decided whether to let myself taste it or not. The Enthusiast held the racking tube inside the primary fermenter as I snaked the vinyl tube into the carboy. The wort started to fill the new container, and then I realized that this dark and murky liquid tasted surprisingly like beer -- real beer.

It was a bit boozy yet, but the flavor was strong and good. The recipe is supposed to be similar to Great Lakes Edmund Fitzgerald, but in its current state the beer tastes a little like the stronger Thirsty Dog Siberian Night, which is a 9 percent ABV imperial stout. The beer should be ready for bottling this coming weekend, and then another two-week wait before we can really drink it down.

I'm looking forward to pairing the porter with Thanksgiving dinners.

We Have Bubbles

Gurgle. The sound reached my ears as soon as the door opened into the room where the bucket of wort sits. Then I saw the bubbles. Those beautiful bubbles meant that the yeast is consuming the malt, releasing carbon dioxide as it creates alcohol. Glory, glory, hallelujah -- we have fermentation!

Gonads of grain. 

The whole process started in June, when I used my birthday funds to purchase a two-stage brewing kit and a porter recipe from Grape and Granary, a beer and wine brewing store in Akron.

However, after reading the brewing handbook that came with the kit, I realized the high summer temperatures were not ideal for making beer.

We shelved the project until last Saturday night. The Enthusiast and I were excited to begin making our first batch of beer. We had no idea what were getting into.

Brewing the wort. 

We got started at around 6 p.m., sanitizing our tools and beginning to heat two gallons of non-chlorinated water in the brewkettle. The instructions said to bring the water up to 150-160 degrees F, and then add the grain in two mesh socks, which looked like gonads when filled.

After bringing the water to a boil (212 F) like a moron, we let the water cool to the proper temperature before adding the grain to start the wort (or pre-beer, as I prefer to call it). We had to keep the pre-beer concoction between 150 and 160 F for 20 minutes, stirring the whole time.

After steeping this dark tea-looking liquid, we removed the gonads of grain and brought the mixture to a boil. Then we removed the heat to add the malt and bittering hops. From there, we began a 45-minute boil.

Malt makes wort look nasty. 

With 15 minutes left in the boil, we added flavoring hops. With two minutes left, we added the aroma hops. And then the annoying part began.

The next eternity was spent waiting for the wort to cool to proper temperatures. We placed the brewkettle in our kitchen sink and circulated cold water around it until it was 120 F or so.

At that point, we transferred the wort into the primary fermenter and put it back in the sink, adding refrigerated water until the bucket was 4.5 gallons full.

But wait, we're supposed to have five gallons. I ran out to the grocery store for an extra gallon of water. The wort was supposed to cool to 60 to 70 degrees before we could add the yeast, according to the directions that came with the recipe. We waited. And waited.

We kept refilling the sink with cold water and added ice, but our sink wasn't deep enough to really cover the bucket. I stuck it outside, where it was 40-some degrees, and we waited some more. By 11 p.m., the wort was still 80 degrees, which is where it was an hour before. Finally, I consulted another source, which said to add the yeast after it was below 90 F.

Yadda, yadda, yadda, we got the fermenter sealed by 11:39 p.m., with a starting gravity of 1060. Tomorrow, we transfer the wort to the secondary fermenter (or carboy, for those of you who like brewing jargon), where it will sit for another week before bottling.

Tiny bubbles of joy. 

Waiting for Bubbles

We didn't know what we were getting into. It only needed to boil for 45 minutes. How long could it take? Longer than my first marathon, for starters.

Saturday evening, the Enthusiast and I started brewing our first batch of beer from the kit I got back in June. More than five hours later, we had five gallons of dark wort ready to become a robust porter. Now, we're waiting for the bubbles to appear in the airlock to indicate fermentation has begun.

I hope we didn't fuck it up.

I keep worrying that the yeast was old.

Later this week, I'll return to this subject with photos to share, but for now I offer these lessons from the weekend:

1. When the recipe says to bring the water to 150-160 degrees F, don't bring it to a boil (212 F). It takes forever for it to cool back down. 
2. Make sure you have extra distilled water.  
3. Have something else to do to kill the time you spend waiting for your brew to reach various temperatures. 

This week I vow to run some. 

Tuesday Tasting: Future Flavors

I don't have a new beer tasting for you today. However, I present you with what is to come. Behold: the future!

Two-stage brewing kit and porter recipe

With my remaining Flag Day funds, I stopped by the Grape and Granary and picked up my latest DIY project, a home brewing kit.

The kit includes a primary and secondary fermenting container, tubing, gaskets, whoseits, whatnots, thermometer, hydrometer, cleaning supplies, brewing manual, a bottle capper and caps. The store also sells its own prepackaged beer recipes, so I chose a porter for my first beer. The only thing I still need to buy is a brewing kettle (a five-gallon stainless steel pot).

I've already read through the brewing manual--some sections twice--which is more than I can say for this poor backburner'd book. In the coming weeks, I'll be updating on you on this latest experiment at Chez Enthusiastic-Viper.

I'm pretty sure nothing will explode. But I can't guarantee that the apartment won't have a foul odor while the wort transforms into delicious (I hope it's not poison) dark beer. Cheers!

For those of you who brew your own, feel free to impart your wisdom to a couple of first-timers.