Friday, October 10, 2008

Flashback Friday: Out of Breath

Well, this is it, folks. All I have to do from here on out is make it to the starting line. The Towpath Marathon is Sunday, and I'm feeling charged from all this breathing, hydrating, carb-reloading and electrolyte replacement since the Akron Marathon.

I've got my training and my past races under my belt, and I'm feeling primed and ready to break four hours. And because I know there are a few other bloggers out there getting ready for a marathon this weekend, I thought I'd share some of my veteran advice, gleaned from my own experiences.

Ten things to avoid on race weekend:
  1. Do not fall into an open mine shaft
  2. Do not contract plague or the creeping crud
  3. Avoid, at all costs, Vienna Sausages
  4. If you don't know what Vienna Sausages are, do not find out
  5. Do not go to jail without passing go
  6. Do not go to Camp Crystal Lake
  7. No bear wrestling at your local pub
  8. Hold off on any shoe modifications
  9. Do not play Russian Roullete with any 'Nam buddies
  10. Do not offend the wake-up guy

Back Talk
Wherein I ridicule my readers for their preposterous comments over the past week. This installment features two new commenters, and you know how I like to roll out the red carpet for these special visitors.

New commenter ECrunnergirl starts off on the right foot regarding Tuesday's post: "Amazing man! I'm like you ... a numbers cruncher and goal setter!!! Hang tough and shoot for the moon ... a four-hour marathon is within your reach but remember to enjoy the journey! Best wishes from the East Coast!"

Answer: Numbers cruncher? The East Coast must not be known for its powers of observation. You should see me try to add up my Yahtzee score. I need help remembering to carry the one.

The erratic epicurean on my decision to run a second marathon in two weeks: "[Y]ou're fucking nuts. [I]s that why we're friends?"

Answer: That, and because you're a worthy drinking compadre.

Not-yet-a-marathoner Xenia gives me some marathon strategy pointers: "Does the Towpath marathon have pace teams or are you stuck pacing yourself for this race? If the former, then I can see your strategy working. If the latter, I'm not so sure. Not that I know anything at all about marathoning, but that's my two cents."

Answer: No, there are no pace teams. So thanks for totally jinxing my weekend. I'd appreciate it if you kept your cheap-ass advice to yourself next time.

Sarah thinks maybe I'm too into this whole breathing thing: "I'm beginning to wonder if you should have enrolled yourself in a Lamaze class. Will tomorrow bring breathing exercises part 5? You know, if you hyperventilate and then choke yourself, you can make yourself faint ..."

Answer: Who am I Michael Hutchence? Now that's what I call a new sensation. (Zing!)

New commenter Brooke wants me to play a game: "I've just started reading your blog, and I love it. So I'm tagging you ... check mine for details."

Answer: Thanks for reading, Brooke, and also thank you for tagging me to write six random things about myself and then tag 10 other people to do the same, because I really want to tell everyone about some personal things in my life that I hope will humanize me in the eyes of all my wonderful readers, as I don't think you all really have an appreciation for who the Viper really is in real life, so let me start off by telling you one of my guiding principles: I don't play tag.

Good luck this weekend to all you racers out there. Run well and drink well. Cheers!


P.O.M. said...

I'm so not envious of you right now, as I can just now walk like a normal person. HA! I kid.

My sub-4 race plan included getting shit faced on Thursday night and puking all day Friday. Might work for you, too?????

Have a fantastic race.

Nitmos said...

Since it is your turn to marathon, I guess, well, "you're it!" Tag.

Good luck.

Ian said...

Best of luck in your marathon this weekend. It could be your defining moment, and when a defining moment comes along either you define the moment, or it defines you.

Yeah, I stole that from the movie Tin Cup.

Good luck.

Sun Runner said...

I looked the overly-detailed description of Vienna sausages. (gag). The six pieces of pizza I ate for lunch at work today (more fucking free food) aren't sitting so well anymore. Thanks. I guess I kind of asked fro it, you did warn me, after all...

Jeez, Viper, didn't you ever make yourself black out when you were a kid by hyperventilating and holding your breath? How do you think I got to be so fucking crazy in the first place? ;)

S said...

Good luck this weekend!

Vava said...

Good luck! They have you running around open mine shafts or something?

C said...

You know not to listen to any half-assed running advice from me so stop your whining.

Btw, you're a total liar. You have played tag before. If I recall correctly, Ted tagged you.

Good luck this weekend. And don't leave us hanging on Monday like you did last time. :)

Marcy said...

Vienna Sausages. OMFG just the name makes me laugh. And don't even get me started on when I see the cans in the grocery store. Yeah, I'm 12.

GOOD LUCK HOMIE!! I really really hope you make your goals ;D I'll be rooting for you (or probably heavy breathing with you as we will most likely be running at the same time) Now go kill it! ;-)

B. Kramer said...

@Xenia: you snitch! This update's for you.

chia said...

Does Xenia ever forget like... anything?

I love anyone whose final sentiment on their webpage is "Happy screwing and running:-)"

That's just genius.

Best wishes this weekend Viper. I'm pre-excited for you :-). Thinking fast happy thoughts!

C said...

ha ha!

Chia, I only forget important things, hence why I remembered this.

Laura said...

Good luck, Viper! Will you be drinking tomorrow night as prep? That's my plan for Sunday's half-marathon, so if you're not, I'll have an extra for you :)

Jess said...

gooood luck!!! kick some butt!!

Ms. V. said...


I KNEW I liked you! I love that Seinfeld episode!!!


...If I'd been there in Barcelona, you'd be polishing that medal right now...

~~~taking out medal polish for Viper~~~



Good luck you handsome devil...

the erratic epicurean said...

handsome devil? you can tell this one's never met you in real life. muwahaha.

Unknown said...

How did it go with the Towpath Marathon???

Ian said...

I see you updated your marathon PR over there on the left. Congrats on the new PR! An impressive feat considering you just ran a marathon two weekends ago.