I've got my training and my past races under my belt, and I'm feeling primed and ready to break four hours. And because I know there are a few other bloggers out there getting ready for a marathon this weekend, I thought I'd share some of my veteran advice, gleaned from my own experiences.
Ten things to avoid on race weekend:
- Do not fall into an open mine shaft
- Do not contract plague or the creeping crud
- Avoid, at all costs, Vienna Sausages
- If you don't know what Vienna Sausages are, do not find out
- Do not go to jail without passing go
- Do not go to Camp Crystal Lake
- No bear wrestling at your local pub
- Hold off on any shoe modifications
- Do not play Russian Roullete with any 'Nam buddies
- Do not offend the wake-up guy
Back Talk
Wherein I ridicule my readers for their preposterous comments over the past week. This installment features two new commenters, and you know how I like to roll out the red carpet for these special visitors.
New commenter ECrunnergirl starts off on the right foot regarding Tuesday's post: "Amazing man! I'm like you ... a numbers cruncher and goal setter!!! Hang tough and shoot for the moon ... a four-hour marathon is within your reach but remember to enjoy the journey! Best wishes from the East Coast!"
Answer: Numbers cruncher? The East Coast must not be known for its powers of observation. You should see me try to add up my Yahtzee score. I need help remembering to carry the one.
The erratic epicurean on my decision to run a second marathon in two weeks: "[Y]ou're fucking nuts. [I]s that why we're friends?"
Answer: That, and because you're a worthy drinking compadre.
Not-yet-a-marathoner Xenia gives me some marathon strategy pointers: "Does the Towpath marathon have pace teams or are you stuck pacing yourself for this race? If the former, then I can see your strategy working. If the latter, I'm not so sure. Not that I know anything at all about marathoning, but that's my two cents."
Answer: No, there are no pace teams. So thanks for totally jinxing my weekend. I'd appreciate it if you kept your cheap-ass advice to yourself next time.
Sarah thinks maybe I'm too into this whole breathing thing: "I'm beginning to wonder if you should have enrolled yourself in a Lamaze class. Will tomorrow bring breathing exercises part 5? You know, if you hyperventilate and then choke yourself, you can make yourself faint ..."
Answer: Who am I Michael Hutchence? Now that's what I call a new sensation. (Zing!)
New commenter Brooke wants me to play a game: "I've just started reading your blog, and I love it. So I'm tagging you ... check mine for details."
Answer: Thanks for reading, Brooke, and also thank you for tagging me to write six random things about myself and then tag 10 other people to do the same, because I really want to tell everyone about some personal things in my life that I hope will humanize me in the eyes of all my wonderful readers, as I don't think you all really have an appreciation for who the Viper really is in real life, so let me start off by telling you one of my guiding principles: I don't play tag.
Good luck this weekend to all you racers out there. Run well and drink well. Cheers!
17 comments:
I'm so not envious of you right now, as I can just now walk like a normal person. HA! I kid.
My sub-4 race plan included getting shit faced on Thursday night and puking all day Friday. Might work for you, too?????
Have a fantastic race.
Since it is your turn to marathon, I guess, well, "you're it!" Tag.
Good luck.
Best of luck in your marathon this weekend. It could be your defining moment, and when a defining moment comes along either you define the moment, or it defines you.
Yeah, I stole that from the movie Tin Cup.
Good luck.
I looked the overly-detailed description of Vienna sausages. (gag). The six pieces of pizza I ate for lunch at work today (more fucking free food) aren't sitting so well anymore. Thanks. I guess I kind of asked fro it, you did warn me, after all...
Jeez, Viper, didn't you ever make yourself black out when you were a kid by hyperventilating and holding your breath? How do you think I got to be so fucking crazy in the first place? ;)
Good luck this weekend!
Good luck! They have you running around open mine shafts or something?
You know not to listen to any half-assed running advice from me so stop your whining.
Btw, you're a total liar. You have played tag before. If I recall correctly, Ted tagged you.
Good luck this weekend. And don't leave us hanging on Monday like you did last time. :)
Vienna Sausages. OMFG just the name makes me laugh. And don't even get me started on when I see the cans in the grocery store. Yeah, I'm 12.
GOOD LUCK HOMIE!! I really really hope you make your goals ;D I'll be rooting for you (or probably heavy breathing with you as we will most likely be running at the same time) Now go kill it! ;-)
@Xenia: you snitch! This update's for you.
Does Xenia ever forget like... anything?
I love anyone whose final sentiment on their webpage is "Happy screwing and running:-)"
That's just genius.
Best wishes this weekend Viper. I'm pre-excited for you :-). Thinking fast happy thoughts!
ha ha!
Chia, I only forget important things, hence why I remembered this.
Good luck, Viper! Will you be drinking tomorrow night as prep? That's my plan for Sunday's half-marathon, so if you're not, I'll have an extra for you :)
gooood luck!!! kick some butt!!
HAHAHAHA............
I KNEW I liked you! I love that Seinfeld episode!!!
JEAN PAUL? JEAN PAUL????
...If I'd been there in Barcelona, you'd be polishing that medal right now...
~~~taking out medal polish for Viper~~~
HEY SET YOUR MENTAL ALARM!!!!!!!
:)
Good luck you handsome devil...
handsome devil? you can tell this one's never met you in real life. muwahaha.
How did it go with the Towpath Marathon???
I see you updated your marathon PR over there on the left. Congrats on the new PR! An impressive feat considering you just ran a marathon two weekends ago.
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