Thursday, July 12, 2007

Lessons from the Street

Sometimes budget constraints lead us drunks toward less savory adventures in boozing. Often, cheap beer is the first choice. But what are we missing when we decide an 18-pack of Miller High Life cans is just what Dr. Penny Pincher ordered? For the answer, we should consult our greatest yet overlooked resource in alcoholism on the cheap: winos.

These degenerates embrace the fact that they can't afford that sixer of high-octane indie brew. While we so-called sophisticated booze hounds would look for the option that saves face, the wino chooses the option that gets them shit-faced.

Often, their choice is malt liquor or fortified wine. One of my favorite inventions is the energy drink cum malt liquor, such as Sparks. This 6 percent ABV beverage combines the effects of caffeine and alcohol with all the flavor of cherry battery acid. A perfect companion for the drunkard who has some late night romping to do.

However, a new beverage mixture has just come through on the booze wires. My colleagues, I introduce you to Fhrampagne. Thank you, J.J. Maher, this recipe sounds delightful: a combo that brings malt liquor and fortified wine together. In this example is MD 20/20 and Steel Reserve. The ideas just spring to my head. Boone's Farm and St. Ides. Ripple and Colt .45. But wait! Let's take it one step further: Night Train and Sparks. I shall call it, the Red Line Express.

You're welcome.

Beer Run
Last weekend, I ran a 10K the morning after a happy hour gathering. My tab showed six beers, plus all the delicious Coors Light I had at the post-happy hour festivities. In past races, I've abstained from drinking the night before to improve my speed. This time, I didn't' and placed second in my age group with a 53:21 finish. Perhaps I'm on to something.

Tab: It's been too long since the last post to calculate.
Mileage: See above.

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