Thursday, December 4, 2008

Death Becomes Him

Dying was going along just fine until I up and decided to run last night--the first time in three days. It was more like a decongestrun with all the snot-rocketing. I put in a pretty good effort for four miles with too many lightpole intervals to count.

It felt good to get back out there. However, I was disheartened when my running log didn't even recognize me when I entered my digits. Hey, buddy, I'm retired, it groaned. (It actually groaned.)

It seems I may have been a bit hyperbolic about my health status. I don't seem to be headed to the Great Tavern in the Sky after all. You can stop calling dibs on my shit. (Besides, if anyone gets my possessions, it'll be my illegitimate children.)

I still have a thick, disturbing discharge from my nose, but from what I can gather it is not a yeast infection of the sinuses. Nor do I have a yeast infection in my stomach lining or any other place.

I am also happy to say I was wrong (and quite libelous) about beer. We have kissed and made up. Sadly, despite my strict rationing, I have only a pair of Yuengling Porters remaining from the case the erratic epicurean brought me from her voyage into the desolate Pennsylvania outback. Thankfully, I have a mostly unconsumed bottle of Tullamore Dew in reserve.

Mile Tracker 1,000: 112 miles to go.


Carolina John said...

it's great to get out there and "run" that sinus crap right out of your head. i've had to do the same things a few times.

and last night i started the Johnnie Walker Black at 4:30 pm in your honor. and because I work from home and my boss wants me to work for the 4th weekend in a row. that sucked too.

C said...

So I was right. Again. Unsurprising, I know.

It's disturbing to think of you having children, legitimate or otherwise.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

"[T]hick, disturbing discharge from my nose."

My money is on brain-matter. To me "thick" and "disturbing" immediately trigger the word-association "Viper's brain". The fact that it's coming out your nose just confirms it.

Here in NJ, I can pick up a case of Yuengling Porter (and any other Yuengling I desire) at even the worst-stocked likker store.

Way to run through the sick. Your illegitimate children would be so proud.

Marcy said...

Thanks for clearing up the whole yeast infection thing. Penile yeast infections can happen ya know. And then I'd have to call YOU trashy because the the biggest way to get it is well . . .I'll spare you :P

Ian said...

You kissed and made up with beer? Come on, admit it. You totally had make up sex didn't you.

tfh said...


Dying of a yeast infection would be humiliating.

Whereas sending out massive snot rockets and writing about it is a matter of pride and dignity.

Brooke said... And to think I was just pulling out of being on the verge of puking (always fun at work!) from all the wine last night (always a good idea to drink a bottle of wine at 11pm when you have to work at 7am!)..*shudder*..of course I'm sure alcohol and I will be fast friends again by tomorrow! One of these days I'll start acting my age...

the erratic epicurean said...

i honestly can't believe you've made the porter last this long. aside from the 4 chesterfield ales i used in my meat mania chili i cashed my entire case in like a week and a half. poop!

Aileen said...

So glad you and beer made up. All would appear to be right with the world.

Sun Runner said...

Do the state of Ohio a favor and don't reproduce, mkay? The last thing we need is your pickled genome in the gene pool. Think of the (non)children!

Michigan thanks you for your consideration in this matter.

Oh and BTW before you take a stab at me in a similar vein, it ain't happening. Ever. The world is a safer place without my spawn in it.

Jess said...

You're lucky beer isn't suing you over such slander.

Ms. V. said...

You had me at:

I still have a thick, disturbing discharge from my nose.

Mmmmmm. Yum.

akRunner said...

So what you are saying is that the NE Ohio cold makes you feel better and clears the nose?!?! Well. I'm going to have to try this medicine since I think everyone in this part of Akron is sick.

Sun Runner said...

re: If I could lighten myself by subtracting body parts, I'd be faster too.

I'm sure it wasn't that, it was the 40-ish pounds I lost afterward that made the difference. ;)

Jess said...

Glad you're not dying!