Thursday, February 12, 2009

I Understand Your Impatience

This week I got an e-mail from a race director. I knew it was from a race director because the e-mail address had "racedirector" in it. I know you all know how much of a bad ass I am, but I didn't realize my reputation had spread to organizers of the U.S.A. Masters Indoor Track & Field Championships.

The e-mail I received (mistakes included, names omitted) follows:
Here is an invitation for all athletes 30 & over to enter USA Masters Indoor Track & Field Championships

Thank you,

For more information, call XXX XXXXX XXXX (###-###-####) or write

POTOMAC VALLEY TRACK CLUB ( invites all athletes 30 & over nationwide to participate in the 2009 USA Masters Indoor Track & Field Championships, to be held for the first time ever in the Washington DC area, Friday-Sunday, March 20-22, on the world-class indoor track at Prince George's Sports & Learning Complex in Landover, Maryland.

Numerous American and world age-group records have been set at this meet in the past, which was held 11 of the past 13 years at Boston's Reggie Lewis Center. Athlete compete side-by-side with the nation's and best in their age groups.

Already registered are two-time Sullivan Award finalist Philippa Raschker, 62, of Marietta GA; five-time Olympic trials qualifier (800 meters) Alisa Harvey, 41, of Manassas VA; 1976 Olympic high-jumper Jim Barrineau, 53, of Burke VA; 20-time world age-group champion Larry Colbert, 71, of Bowie MD; US M50-54 high jump record holder Bruce McBarnette, 51, of Sterling VA; Kathryn Martin, 57, of Northport NY, Bengay’s Outstanding Masters Athlete; USATF 2008 age group masters track & field athletes of the year Christel Donley, 74, of Colorado Springs CO, and Oneithea Lewis, 48, of Oakland Gardens NY; and USA Olympian John Tuttle, 50, of Villa Rica GA.

The meet also includes top competitors from Bermuda, Brazil, Great Britain, Mexico, and Canada, including 1988 Olympian Renee Belanger, 46 (6th at 800 Meters in Seoul), and Earl Fee, 80, who has set records in every age group he has entered and has announced his plan to assault the world 800 meter record in his new M80 division.

Events include 60 meters, 60m hurdles, 200 meters, 400 meters, 800 meters, one-mile, 3000 meters, 3000m racewalk, long jump, high jump, triple jump, pole vault, shotput, weight throw, and superweight throw.

All athletes 30 & over are invited to enter by mailing the entry form at or or entering on-line at

For full information about the meet, please see

Thank you
XXX XXXXX XXXX, secretary
Potomac Valley Track Club
Now, I understand why this race would want me to compete. And obviously, I would totally destroy those old farts listed above. However, there's just one problem: I am not 30 and won't be until June. Maybe next year.

One hint: If you want to attract a venerable runner such as I to your event, then you'd better consider adding a Beer Mile or a Rum Relay. Or at least provide proper hydration stations.


joyRuN said...

Maybe you can tell them that you've got the liver of a 50-year-old.

tfh said...

Ooh, watch yourself. Some of those old farts are probably the same wizened centenarians who fly past me in the local road races. They'll drive you to drink, that's for sure.

Marcy said...

They think you're an oldie HAHA! Actually who am I kidding, I'm with you on the B-day front. In fact, if I remember correctly our B-days are very close to each other . . .within a week or so. (yeah don't ask me why I remember that)

Aileen said...

Rum Relay...I could get down with that. In fact, maybe you should suggest something of that nature to the organizers? It's classy.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

LMAO @ joySashY!

Perhaps they'll offer a Red Rum Relay? But doesn' that spell "Murder" backwards? So the losers would all be killed and only the winner would get the rum?

No, wait. It's actually "Yaler Murder" backwards, which makes no sense.

Forget I mentioned it.

Jess said...

They probably just sent it to all you losers born in '79 knowing you'd turn 30 this year. Sorry you missed being born in the cool year. '78 baby!

Jess said...

I got this letter too and I'm not going to be 30 for another 8 years. Obviously they were really impatient about me.

Some guy named John said...

I'm not absolutely sure about this, but I believe that USATF rules specify that you are eligible for masters' competition in the year you reach the specified age. In other words, your age for USATF masters eligibility purposes is 2009 minus your birth year.

So, if I'm right, you ought to go show those old guys a thing or two!

Ms. V. said...

You're only 29?