Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

My running habits remain as patternly as ever. I have no direction. It pisses me off.

Some of you have noticed my increasing crankiness. I find that I'm taking myself too seriously. I'm sure it makes this blog a bore to read.

It is time to plow under this barren earth and sprout anew. Spring is here. A time for rebirth. Time for the cool gloaming to give rise to dewy warmth. And for this slithering one to molt its vituperate shell. It is time to let this dusty old drunk ride off on his barstool into the sunset. Look now to the east.

Booze News
A Newark, Ohio, man has been charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated (OVI) after he crashed a motorized barstool and injured himself. The barstool was built from a riding lawn motor. The man told police his barstool-mobile can reach 38 mph -- no word on its fuel efficiency.

[Drunkard's note: Top image from someecards.com. Barstool-mobile from Gizmodo.]

8 comments:

Xenia said...

Wow, that whole dual gemini personality thing is right on with you, huh?

You still have an open invite to the humiliation challenge if you think it will help at all. And for the record, it's actually entertaining to read your blog when you're cranky. It makes it more fun for me to pick on you.

Sun Runner said...

The guy from that story? Has one of the most awesome names ever.

Stay classy, Viper.

sláinte!

Roisin said...

Drunk driving is never a good thing. The word is still out on motorized bar stools...

Spike said...

it is people who turn a lawnmower into a moving barstool who make this country so awesome. if it helps, while you are sitting around getting lazy, Viper is out there getting better than you.

S said...

Personally I find cranky people funny. And I don't feel bad laughing at them either. Also...I totally understand about the lack of running. I've been feeling it lately...but it's super bad right now since I have a half marathon in about 4 weeks so I'm pretty much screwed. :-)

RazZDoodle said...

Toward the end there, I though you were going to break out another effing haiku. Thank God.

Ms. V. said...

You could never be dull, Viper.

Ted said...

Does this motorized barstool comes with an airbag? He needs to think of safety which is a priority.