I've got my training and my past races under my belt, and I'm feeling primed and ready to break four hours. And because I know there are a few other bloggers out there getting ready for a marathon this weekend, I thought I'd share some of my veteran advice, gleaned from my own experiences.
Ten things to avoid on race weekend:
- Do not fall into an open mine shaft
- Do not contract plague or the creeping crud
- Avoid, at all costs, Vienna Sausages
- If you don't know what Vienna Sausages are, do not find out
- Do not go to jail without passing go
- Do not go to Camp Crystal Lake
- No bear wrestling at your local pub
- Hold off on any shoe modifications
- Do not play Russian Roullete with any 'Nam buddies
- Do not offend the wake-up guy
Wherein I ridicule my readers for their preposterous comments over the past week. This installment features two new commenters, and you know how I like to roll out the red carpet for these special visitors.
New commenter ECrunnergirl starts off on the right foot regarding Tuesday's post: "Amazing man! I'm like you ... a numbers cruncher and goal setter!!! Hang tough and shoot for the moon ... a four-hour marathon is within your reach but remember to enjoy the journey! Best wishes from the East Coast!"
Answer: Numbers cruncher? The East Coast must not be known for its powers of observation. You should see me try to add up my Yahtzee score. I need help remembering to carry the one.
The erratic epicurean on my decision to run a second marathon in two weeks: "[Y]ou're fucking nuts. [I]s that why we're friends?"
Answer: That, and because you're a worthy drinking compadre.
Not-yet-a-marathoner Xenia gives me some marathon strategy pointers: "Does the Towpath marathon have pace teams or are you stuck pacing yourself for this race? If the former, then I can see your strategy working. If the latter, I'm not so sure. Not that I know anything at all about marathoning, but that's my two cents."
Answer: No, there are no pace teams. So thanks for totally jinxing my weekend. I'd appreciate it if you kept your cheap-ass advice to yourself next time.
Sarah thinks maybe I'm too into this whole breathing thing: "I'm beginning to wonder if you should have enrolled yourself in a Lamaze class. Will tomorrow bring breathing exercises part 5? You know, if you hyperventilate and then choke yourself, you can make yourself faint ..."
Answer: Who am I Michael Hutchence? Now that's what I call a new sensation. (Zing!)
New commenter Brooke wants me to play a game: "I've just started reading your blog, and I love it. So I'm tagging you ... check mine for details."
Answer: Thanks for reading, Brooke, and also thank you for tagging me to write six random things about myself and then tag 10 other people to do the same, because I really want to tell everyone about some personal things in my life that I hope will humanize me in the eyes of all my wonderful readers, as I don't think you all really have an appreciation for who the Viper really is in real life, so let me start off by telling you one of my guiding principles: I don't play tag.
Good luck this weekend to all you racers out there. Run well and drink well. Cheers!