Wednesday, August 5, 2009

How Did He Do That?

When I'm not rescuing relationships and restoring romance, I like to buy food for the hungry. While returning from the grocer with my lunch supplies, I saw a man running. Or ambling. Or dying. Or however you might characterize his grotesque movements. He was moving toward me (southbound) as I was about to make a right turn.

My first thought was, This man is going to croak in the crosswalk, and I'm not going to be able to make my turn. This was 8:08 a.m., and I was already running late for work.

The black-haired, rictus-grinned, bare-chested-but-heart-monitored man managed to avoid rigor mortis and made it across the intersection, and I made the turn. I had to hurry to make lunch and ate breakfast on the go.

I left for work at 8:25 a.m., most assuredly bound to be late. I turned onto a street parallel to the one where I saw the aforementioned runner and headed north. About a mile up the road, I saw the very same fit-for-a-mortician runner -- with the very same rictus grin -- dying toward me (southbound). Did he teleport?

I'm still trying to figure out his route. And also, are zombies real?

15 comments:

BrianFlash said...

I've had similar experiences seeing runners in two different places where they seemingly had no chance of covering the distance given the time elapsed.

I try and take strange running routes at times in order to elicit this effect in others...

BrianFlash said...

I've had similar experiences seeing runners in two different places where they seemingly had no chance of covering the distance given the time elapsed.

I try and take strange running routes at times in order to elicit this effect in others...

Nitmos said...

Twins? Clones are weird that way.

BrianFlash said...

Stupid double comment...

Vanilla said...

I thought that BrianFlash was trying to elicit that effect in the comments. I thought it was pretty funny until I realized that he had fat-fingered the publish button.

Vanilla said...

I thought that BrianFlash was trying to elicit that effect in the comments. I thought it was pretty funny until I realized that he had fat-fingered the publish button.

Laura said...

Personally, when I do loops of a course and someone else is going the opposite direction as me, I try to figure out who was running faster in order to see each other again at a particular point. My math skills aren't quite good enough to solve the "if Train A is going 50 MPH and Train B is going 35 MPH when will they meet" problem, so I usually just assume I was much, much faster. It's a nice little confidence booster.

B.o.B. said...

Senility strikes yet another blogger.

The Sean said...

strike him with your vehicle next time. if you still see him then you will know he a)has a clone or b)has amazing powers of regeneration

Ted said...

It is either...

(a) You have been reading too much Stephen King novels
or
(b) dealing with hangover from too much drinking last night
or
(c) need to get your vision checkup.

You might want to rent a movie tonight called "Night of the Living Dead." Quite entertaining.

Ms. V. said...

ha.

Jess said...

You're not supposed to drink before 8 am.

At least, not during the week.

mr loser said...

Of course zombies are real -- how otherwise can one account for all the Browns-Indians-Cavs fans (including me)?

X-Country2 said...

Glitch in the matrix.

Funnyrunner said...

LLOL. I love your first thought and admire your honesty...