Dr. Viper Saves Your Marriage

So, I get this e-mail from this guy David, whose permission I did not ask to print his name so at least I'll be courteous and withhold his last name. Those of you who have e-mailed me know that I don't commonly reply because I don't want to be pen pals with any of you. But this one tugged at the ol' heart strings -- and snapped off a few of the cold, dead ones.

David wrote:

Mr. Viper,

I've been reading your blog for about a year and enjoy your stories and comments -- thanks for writing.

I noted in your last post that you ran a 20-miler with a cycling companion. I've been considering asking my wife to ride while I ran my long runs, but wasn't sure how well that would work.

[Yadda, yadda, yadda deleted]

I'm heading toward 60-mile weeks -- which means I need to include my wife if I want to stay married.

Any comments/wisdom/advice would be much appreciated. I don't know, maybe this whole thing is a bad idea ...

Thanks,

David

Well, people, I'm here to tell you that this whole thing is a bad idea. Don't you know that you're not supposed to share your passions with your significant other? And spending two to four hours alone with that person? Also a dumb move. What are you going to do, talk to each other? Why, that could lead to a closer relationship and better understanding between you two.

Regardless, here is my priceless advice. But don't say I didn't warn you.

The biggest challenge for the biker is your slow-ass pace. The biker should expect to ride about half as fast as normal to match your running pace. I run between 6-7.5 mph, which means two to four hours in the saddle during those long runs. That makes for one painful ass, but that's why they make those silly-looking padded shorts.

Recommended gear:

• Silly-looking padded shorts
• Bike computer that measures miles per hour and distance
• Rack/bag for extra water bottles, food, etc.
• Mirror for road running/biking
• Hand-held water bottle or belt (you both need your own water)

Benefits of running with a biker:

• Unloneliness of a long-distance runner
• Pacing control
• Motivation
• Distraction from brutal mileage
• Let's face it, it's nice to have your own mule for extra supplies

Things to watch out for:

• Traffic
• Taking up more space as a biker/runner unit
  
• Getting passed with no room to move over
• Avoiding collision with biker/runner
• Tire-popping pot holes
  

David also had a few specific questions:

• Is your pace compatible with the cyclist on long, steep uphills? On steeper grades, yes, a runner can keep pace or outrun a bike. However, the biker should ride ahead for the bigger hills to maintain momentum. The runner can play catch up.
• What does the cyclist do on long downhills (when gravity wants to carry them away from you at 15 mph)? Depends on the hill and traffic. If it's convenient, the biker can brake to the runner's speed.
• Do you have the cyclist carry fluids/gels? If so, do you exchange on the go? Yes, have the biker carry extra water, sports drinks, gels, etc. (See recommended gear above). Exchanging on the go is possible, but if the runner is grabbing something from a bike-mounted bag, be sure not to disturb the biker's balance.
• Do you have any advice for negotiating traffic? Communication is key. If one of you hears/sees an approaching car, cyclist, speedier runner, etc., tell the other and fall in line. The biker should pedal ahead and the runner should slow down and move behind the bike when passing or being passed. Make sure you follow the five-second rule when you are passing others.
  

One final note: Make sure the biker knows how much you appreciate the company and remember that the biker's ass hurts as much as your legs do. David, your wife may ask you to give her a butt massage after a long run. Don't complain about it.

And there you have it. Marriage: saved. Running: enriched. If any of you have further suggestions, please say so in the comments. Cheers!