Thursday, March 5, 2009

Strike Up the Band, Bring On the Parade

I went for a run. Whoopdeefawkindoo! Where's my limo? Where's the ticker tape?

Yes, it appears my protest worked. My sit out convinced the weather to get its shit together. Last night the temperature was in the 30s -- maybe even 32 degrees! Today, the prognosticating prognosticators prognosticate a 50-degree prognosis.

I'll run twice! In one week!

A roll! I'm on one!

Of course this warm up will only lull me into a false sense of temperate security before the final blizzard of the year drops 37 inches of snow on Northeast Ohio with a cold snap that shrivels my nuts so far up into my body that I'll shoot them out my nostrils the next time I blow my nose and my ass will be the envy of every well digger in the continental United States and I'll lose my toes to frostbite and never be able to run again and I'll have to take up walking on my hands just so that I can participate in local races to get token T-shirts that I will wear just to feel better about my sorry disposition. If only I'd followed my own advice and taken up hula hoop instead of running.

10 comments:

Xenia said...

I see positive thinking has been working really well for you. Fantastic!

So if you shoot your nuts out your nose, does that then become a nut shot? Because that just doesn't sound right.

Roisin said...

I'm going to ignore the nuts. Ignoring.

Yeah, don't get complacent with the weather...I remember once in APRIL when I was a KSU, that a snowstorm dropped a couple of inches on us the day after it was in the high 60's. The Weather can be such a fickle jerk sometimes.

Sun Runner said...

37 inches? Whatever...it's guaranteed to be more like 50.

If Dick Goddard says so, then it shall be. There's a reason his name starts with "God."

Spike said...

hula hoop eh? I'm left wondering why you ever gave up your promising hula hoop career for running?

tfh said...

I bet you could run without toes, and I KNOW you can run without nuts.

joyRuN said...

That was one IMPRESSIVE run-on sentence/paragraph.

Visualization not my friend in this instance though.

S said...

Am I the only one that thinks it would be really fun to see you do a race walking on your hands? Because that's a great visual. You should definitely do it for your next race.

Vava said...

It almost sounds like you'd like for this nostril-nut thing to happen, just on your own terms and not on account of the weather. Then you'd probably get free stuff at every event, maybe even free entry - the motherload of all motherloads second only to free shoes!

IRJessica said...

Some part of this country are runner friendly year round. I'm just saying... : )

chia said...

You either have rather sizeable nostrils or very small nuts. No need to clarify :-)