Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Kiss My Arse

You would think that a blog that professes the benefits of a tipple ever so often would sing the praises of a holiday that has become by and large all about drinking. Not so. You will not see St. Patrick's Day wished happily here.

That is because this day brings out the amateurs. Oh, let me get dallied up in green and pretend to be of a culture I'm not while getting piss wasted on green American beer. Fuck that.

I'd rather celebrate my Scots-Irish heritage by kicking some faux Irishman off his bar stool, pissing in his green beer and kicking back a snort Bushmills and a pint of Guinness while wishing I'd ordered a suitable Scotch whisky instead. Just like my forefathers.

Today I'm wearing a plaid shirt and an orange hoodie. God save the queen. Kiss my arse.

18 comments:

Vanilla said...

For once we agree. I'm 100% Scottish by blood and you won't find a trace of green anywhere near me today. I'll likely have a drink or few this evening, but nothing out of the ordinary for a Tuesday.

RazZDoodle said...

I'm with ya. I'm half-Irish and I completely agree with you! I'm sportin' the black shirt, tan pants, and Guinness socks. Nobody appreciates it.

Xenia said...

So to honor your heritage do you at least celebrate Burns' Night and St. Andrew's Day?

P.S.--You forgot the 'y' on the end of 'every' in the first sentence and you need an 'of' before Bushmills. You're welcome.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

*SIGH*

What a rebel!

I agree with the anti-green beer rant, though.

Shouldn't it be "Kiss Me Arse"?

What's St. Paddy's day without a virtual brawl? HAVE A HAPPY ONE, ANYWAY!

S said...

Not to sound like a COMPLETE loser for knowing this...but REAL Irish people wear blue on St. Patrick's Day. Since that's what St. Patrick used to wear. :-) So yet another reason to hate the green wearing people. Also, green beer just sucks.

Viper said...

@ Xenia: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061203125945AAKHRfk

Roisin said...

Try being in Chicago. I had to dodge puddles of vomit on my way to work. At 7:45 AM.

I've got my Mayo kit on today and will be drinking Jamesons this evening.

tfh said...

I'm not Irish, but I wish I were. Not so I could wear green and wear "kiss me" pins, but mostly because pissing in some faux Irishman's green beer sounds like fun. Unfortunately, sounds like I'd end up on the wrong end of that little game...

Xenia said...

My bad. But seriously, you couldn't find a more authoritative website than Yahoo Answers?

X-Country2 said...

I don't think us non-Irish people actually want to be Irish. They can keep their pale skin and small hands. I think we just want an excuse to drink.

joyRuN said...

A warm mushy post to lift my spirits on this cloudy day.

Would that Scotch whiskey cheer you up?

Jess said...

This is the way I feel about St. Patty's day too. It's amateur hour just like New Years...seriously, back off my heritage people.

Ms. V. said...

My, you're in a lovely mood today.

Nitmos said...

Why is this a holiday?

Al's CL Reviews said...

I'm just glad Porters and Stouts are too dark to make green.

Why f up a beer that is already good.

carpeviam said...

I too am Scottish. I feel that wearing green and "celebrating" St. Patrick's Day is an insult to my Scottish heritage. My 9th and 10th great grandfathers would be rolling in their graves if I did. ;)

Sun Runner said...

Verily, I concur with your assessment of SPD as a day of amateurish drinking, or drinking done by amateurs. The Ann Arbor News ran the obligatory front-page picture of three U of M bimbos chugging green beer while wearing sparkly green hats in some bar at 7:00 in the morning. Please.

People who are committed to their booze drink all year round. And people who are committed to their beer drink beer that's too dark to dye a putrid shade of green. What a crime against beer. Just drink Guinness, for God's sake.

Sláinte! (a day late)

the erratic epicurean said...

amateur night indeed. i stayed in with good beer, good friends and good stew.