Friday, January 16, 2009

Flashback Friday: Negativity Prevails

It's not supposed to warm up to zero degrees until afternoon today. I have run a grand total of three miles this week -- nine this year. The last time it was above zero when I was able to run? You guessed it: last Monday, when I trudged through the snow.

Cleveland meteorologist Dick "In Goddard We Trust" Goddard says it should get warm again (as in, reach 20 degrees) on Sunday. I'll believe it when I feel my toes again, and then maybe I'll run.

Martini tried to goad me into running this morning before work, but I told him I'd see him in hell before that happened. After all, it's warmer there and I could run any time I wanted.

[Drunkard's note: That is, the hell of biblical fame, not Hell, Michigan, where it is not warmer than here. And yes, I've been there.]

I haven't heard from Martini today. I can only imagine his fate. Some future society will undoubtedly discover his ice-encased body on the banks of the Cuyahoga River where there was once a bike and hike trail.

"It appears this primitive species ran on pure ethyl alcohol," the future equivalent of archeologists will mistakenly say when they discover that the Martini-cicle's innards were already preserved in booze long before the body was frozen. "And from the looks of this ancient timing device, his mile pace was quite slow. No wonder he's extinct."

Meanwhile, I heard that some of you (and you) are running the P.F. Chang's Rock 'n' Roll Arizona Marathon this weekend. I also hear that you get to see Smash Mouth there. Boy, that sucks. I'd complain to the organizers. Isn't running a marathon is punishment enough for one day? Good luck Vanilla and Razz and whomever else. I hope it's a hell of a lot warmer in Arizona than it is in Colorado and Nebraska.

Back Talk
Wherein my answers are questions.

Sarah uses some fuzzy math to defame Baltika: "51 ounces of beer for $2.79 works out to beer that is worth less than six cents an ounce ($0.0547/ounce, to be exact). That's some mighty cheap beer. I'm surprised it tasted like anything at all. Where's your beer integrity, man?"

Answer: Have you never heard the expression "don't knock it until you try it"? Cheap does not equal bad.

Turi has some advice about running in this muck: "I used 'screwed shoes' a couple weeks ago for the first time -- 20 percent slush, 80 percent concrete, and they were fine. Only slippery on manhole covers."

Answer: What do "screwed shoes" have to do with anything? I was asking about "YakTrax." And please, keep the slippery manhole talk to your own blog, pervert.

Happy Hour is nearly upon us. Have a fine weekend. Stay warm with hooch. Remember, good booze will not freeze. Run well and drink well. Cheers!

14 comments:

Xenia said...

The study of your friend's carcass would fall more to my future colleagues than it would to anthropologists.

I was walking through Dublin airport the other day and found myself to be in what I think you would consider heaven, with a Guinness store on one side and a whiskey store displaying Jameson on the other. The only reason I even know that's a whiskey is because of you. I guess even the drivel you write can be educational sometimes.

Have a good weekend.

nwgdc said...

That turi and his promiscuity. Sheesh.

Sarah said...

Dick Goddard is STILL on TV? My God(dard)...when are they going to let that poor man retire?

Hell, Michigan, is a mere 15 miles away from where I live. And this morning, where I live was colder than Hell.

Finally, I think my heart seized up when I visited your "fuzzy math" link and found that of the 174,000 possible Google results for that phrase you picked the one in which it was George W. Bush who spoke the phrase. How could you, man, HOW COULD YOU? I have never, nor do I ever, wish to be so closely linked to Dubya. OK, fine, my father and he were in the same class at Yale. But that's as FAR as it goes!

AK said...

I'm with you. I ran on Monday when it was relatively warm outside. I headed indoors on Wednesday on an indoor track, but it was an experience I don't want to repeat. 10 laps for one mile...

I hope next week gets the message that it's supposed to be warmer.

Viper said...

@Xenia - Damn it! I second guessed myself. I originally had archeologists, but then I thought "if I get this wrong, Xenia will be all over it." I guess I was right.

@Sarah - That link was picked just for you. That's what happens when you divulge you political allegiances on your blog.

Sarah said...

Sigh...It was this post, wasn't it? I guess I'm just getting what I deserve, having defected from Ohio in order to live in Michigan as well as defecting from the Republican Party (that's what happens when you go to college where I did).

tfh said...

Did you ever read the T.C. Boyle story about Alaska where the guy accidentally kills himself by drinking alcohol in way cold temperature? If not, that was a total spoiler, but something about innards preserved in booze made me think of it...

MCM Mama said...

Too bad you don't live around here - it's been above zero all week. Not much above, but above. And I'm way to much of a wimp to be out there running.

Roisin said...

Goddard used to live next to my grandparents. Fact.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

I heard that one time, Sarah (D-MI) got all drunk on Baltika and she ended up in the back of her dad's car with Dubya and they went all the way and then the next day he not only didn't call, he also told everyone that Sarah (D-MI) was "politically easy" and that's why she hates Dubya and hates Baltika and also, incidentally, hates fine Corinthian leather of the type they had in her dad's car's back seat.

It's just what I heard. I don't know if it's true.

Sarah said...

The closest I've ever come to the scenario you describe above is when I got drunk on gin and tonics in college and had relations with someone from Harvard. And it was nowhere near any cars.

Jess said...

Yeah, it's been cold here in Florida too. It was a frigid 50 degrees this morning when I got up. I thought they were gonna cancel school because of the cold!

Marcy said...

"slippery manhole talk to your own blog, pervert"

HAHHAHAHAAAA I just spit out half of my water. That was sweetness!

Xenia said...

Eh, you were closer than most people get. At least you didn't confuse it with paleontology.

But why would you be concerned about me correcting you? I'm sure the people in your real life have to do it all the time. You should be used to it by now. :)