Monday, January 12, 2009


There is a whole six-pack of Coal Porter from Atlantic Brewing Co. undrunk in my fridge if that helps explain what happens to you when you are Baltika'd. There is also an uneaten hamburger and sweet potato fries in the trash of a local eatery that helps explain it too.

I saw it on the shelf of my local grocer, a 51-ounce plastic bottle of Baltika No. 9 Extra Lager (8 percent ABV), and I could not resist the promise of its glory -- not at $2.79. I was enroute to watch the Cleveland Cavaliers dismantle the Boston Celtics and decided I would also need the sixer of Coal Porter for the occasion, but in the end I was too Baltika'd for more beer.

The taste was slightly sweet, but it was a light and tasty lager to be sure. At such a delicious price, it may supplant Bitburger as one of my favorite cheap beers. And this Russky brew will knock you silly. Baltika!

Check out this episode of Three Sheets in Moscow for more on this beer.

However, the next morning I had a bit of a bastard behind the eyes, which continued to worsen throughout the day. I was starving, but nothing (see hamburger) tasted good until I had about six mini deli sandwiches at 5 p.m. Baltika ...

I won't blame the Baltika completely. There were other forces at work. I started the evening with Christmas Ale, followed with a tumbler full of Glenlivet, before the Baltika. The dreaded beer-liquor-beer combo is sometimes an evil bitch.

Needless to say, my running this weekend was totally Baltika'd.

[Drunkard's note: I'd like to give credit to whomever mentioned Baltika in either their blog or in my comments, but alas my pickled little brain just couldn't recall whomever that whomever was.]


Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Might I also humbly suggest, as a useful neologism in addition to "Baltika'd", the verb Viperhentilate - as in, "The sight of that 51-ounce bottle of Baltika No. 9 Extra Lager on sale for $2.79 pert near caused me to Viperhentilate!"

So: Viperhentilate, intr. verb: To lose one's breath or to begin breathing quickly and excitedly at the prospect of a good beer bargain or at the prospect of getting to try out a new, exotic beer. In other words, hyperventilate but with strict and rigid beer applications.

chia said...

Glaven might be the coolest person on Earth.

joyRuN said...

Weirdness. This didn't come up as an update until a few minutes ago, though you seem to have posted this a LONG time ago.

Google Reader seems to be similarly Baltika'd.

I'm surprised you can still develop "a bit of a bastard behind the eyes".

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

joyRuN is right. I stumbled on this post totally by accident last night while working the reference desk and at that point it had already been up for hours. But it hadn't registered yet - Friday Flashback was your latest post, allegedly.

You might want to look into that.

What does chia mean "might"?

nwgdc said...

Can I also be looking for the big red fist when searching the shelves of my local grocer, in addition to the word "Baltika," or is the fist part of the bastard hanging out behind your eyelids?

Jess said...

Yeah, you didn't show up in my reader until this morning. Your page certainly seems to be suffering from the beer-liquor-beer hangover.

Sun Runner said...

51 ounces of beer for $2.79 works out to beer that is worth less than six cents an ounce ($0.0547/ounce, to be exact). That's some mighty cheap beer. I'm surprised it tasted like anything at all. Where's your beer integrity, man?

Nitmos said...

I thought you were announcing to us that you were joining the communist party. Which would have only confirmed my suspicions.

Al's CL Reviews said...

I wish I liked lagers.

But I'll take the Coal Porter off your hands anyday.

Aileen said...

I've got nothing to say except that I heart Glenlivet.