Well, since you're already here, you might as well drink in what I have pre-mixed for your eyes only, Viper's Thanksgiving Day Running and Beveraging Plan:
- A three- to six-mile run before your Thanksgiving meal will help build a proper appetite for the day. (If it is already too late for such a run, skip ahead.)
- Shower and groom yourself for crying out loud! Nobody wants to share company with a smelly, unkempt lout like you. (Though, you will still be a lout, just a less repulsive lout.)
- After your run, you will be hungry, but you don't want to overeat before you overeat. Have a piece of toast with a glass of porter or stout to stem the hunger pains. (If you are not a beer drinker, a morning cocktail or glass of wine will suffice.)
- Now, you don't want to get too
tankedstuffed before you feast, so until then switch to a lighter beverage that will soothe your stomach but won't deaden your taste buds. A martini or white wine, perhaps.
- Now that you've properly whet your appetite, on to the Thanksgiving meal. Don't forget the toast. (Not to be confused with the toast mentioned in No. 1. However, a proper beverage is suggested for both.)
- After you eat, it is time to switch to a digestive agent. I suggest a horizontal position on the nearest couch, a football game on the television, and a glass of whiskey in your hand. (Suggestion: Finish your beverage before you close your eyes.)
- And in the seventh step, you rest, godlike.
[Drunkard's note: Image ripped from someecards.com.]