Thursday, October 30, 2008

That Thing You Do

You know you're guilty. You're a runner and you brag about it. Whether it's verbal or more symbolic, you like to make sure everyone knows about your running. You know you do. And it totally annoys the piss out of everyone you know.

Luckily for you, Dr. Viper is here to point out your folly. Below is a list of those annoying things you do as a runner that aggravate those around you. Remember, knowing is half the battle.

On Clothing
  • You wear running shoes when you're not running
  • You display your finishing medals in prominent places
  • Your latest race shirt is in a weekly rotation
  • You show off your latest running apparel or gadget
  • Right now you are wearing something running related
On Speaking
  • "I was just reading in Runners' World ..."
  • "During my last long run ..." or "When I ran the [blank] marathon ..."
  • When you talk about how far you ran, it was "just" however many miles
  • You talk openly about bodily functions, fluids and flatulations
  • You name-drop your running injuries into every possible conversation
On Eating and Drinking
  • You're always carb-loading
  • You're always hydrating
On Behavior
  • Fiscal responsibility does not include race entries or new gear, gadgets and equipment
  • You think snot rockets are OK in public
  • Your smelly clothes are hanging to dry in your bathroom
  • As soon as someone you know starts running, you start coaching
On Coworkers
  • Quick, how many things in your work area are related to running?
  • How many coworkers know you run?
  • Have you ever compared running to work or vice versa?
  • The answers to these questions? Annoying

There are many ways that you annoy everyone around you. These are just some of the reasons why.


Anonymous said...

Hey, I resemble, I mean resent those accusations. Everyone WANTS to hear about my running. Really. LOL

Sun Runner said...

Oh my god...I think I just peed my pants.

You nailed this so hard it's as if you used a pneumatic nail gun.

On that note, I am going to a costume party at a local brewery tomorrow night.

You get ONE guess as to what I'm going to be wearing.

Laura said...

Does it count if I'm always eating cookies (carbs!) and drinking beer (carbs! hydration!)? It's not to fuel up for my runs so much as it is to make me guilty and force myself to go for a run.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

Think I'm bad now? You should have heard what I talked about when I was in the porn video industry.

I was a gaffer.

(In the porn biz, "gaff" means exactly what you think it does. So does "boom-mic". So does "grip". So does - O, screw it! They all mean "d*ck", okay? Just ask the best boy. (But don't ask how he got that job.))

Razz said...

So wearing my old Brooks Trance 7s and my Lincoln Half Marathon t-shirt to work while munching on a Cliff Bar and swigging it down with my 26 oz. water bottle makes me annoying?

Marcy said...

EEwwwwwhhhhh #3 On Behavior is NEVER acceptable! I sweat too much for that. Gross. *puke*

Ian said...

I'm actually guilty of very few of those, if any. I keep it all to myself and then unleash the annoying on my blog readers.

nwgdc said...

"On Behavior's" #1 is something my wife claimes to be keeping track that she can drop a hondo or five on vera bradley bags at some point in the near future.

by the way, thanks for the comment on my recent race report. you'll be happy to know my wife was positive i was hungover on Sunday morning. I told her I ran 50 MILES and THAT was causing my headache, mild nausea, and car sickness on the way home.

Ms. V. said...

Since I'm currently in a holding pattern, my responses are now "When I ran"...

I wear my long sleeve shirts to work. A lot.

I have a Halloween bowl filled with Clif Shots and PowerBar Energized. I brag about getting Turkey Gravy for a race schwag.

I am guilty of all of those, except really the snot rocket...that's NEVER okay...

I say *just*, when I really want to tell you how freaking hard the little 3 miler was.

HAHA Great post, my friend. We are friends right? That's what you can add...Runners have these fake blogger relationships. Heh.

Carly said...

*hanging head in shame* I am guilty of most of them...except the snot rockets as I always get myself.

I was giddy to use Garmin in everyday language when I first got that gadget.

S said... that mean my co-workers are just FAKING their interest in my training? Dammit.

tfh said...

The other day one of my coworkers I'd never spoken to before prefaced a conversation with, "You're a runner, right?" and then proceeded to ask me a question about sneakers.

I went around grinning for the rest of the day. "I look like a runner! I act like a runner!" I was thinking gleefully.

Now I hang my head in shame. Clearly, I am a complete a-hole of a runner. Worse yet, I am Typical.

Vava said...

I haven't run long enough to fit in many of your characterizations, but I can totally see myself getting there! I always thought I annoyed people because I was taller than everyone else, and pointed it out just in case they didn't realize it. Now I can running to my annoy-weaponry!

As my youngest one said to me once a while back, "I'm gonnan weapon you!"

Nitmos said...

Well, lets see, whenever one of our work projects runs long and seems never ending, I've taken to calling it our Karnazian project. Does that count?

MissAllycat said...

I was smugly saying "nope"..."nope"..."nope"...

and then...


"Yes" to almost every single one after the clothing section.

I'm that girl.

*hanging head in shame*

Jess said...

So true