Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Stop Hating on Akron

Akron, ain't she purdy?

On my past two posts, I've gotten some flack about the Akron Marathon, which has really bunched up my panties in an uncomfortable way.

In particular, some supercilious new reader commented on Friday's post, "Akron. A marathon in Akron? Why?"

Well, I'll tell you why, Ms. Jerky Pants. And I'll tell you with another list because that's how creative I am.

10 Somethings Why a Marathon in Akron
  1. I live in Akron, duh!
  2. My boss pays my entry fee
  3. Do you get the Goodyear blimp flying over your marathon?
  4. The great course support helps to avoid pants-shitting
  5. I've already mentioned the route, but you can see for yourself
  6. Superman that, yo!
  7. I don't want to get a DUI by driving some place else to run
  8. Similarly, I don't want a DUI from driving back after post race celebrations
  9. I like free shoes
  10. Don't trust me? How about Runner's World?
Now, the question is, why am I wearing these panties?

Back Talk: Special Blue Line Edition
There was plenty to say about Monday's post.

That same supercilious Ms. V from above also asks: "You DO know that Akron is the birthplace of Alcoholics Anonymous, right?"

Answer: Do you think I fell off the wagon yesterday?

Vava says: "Akron also gave us Chrissy Hynde of The Pretenders, so it can't be all bad!"

Answer: Chrissy Hynde can take her fancy restaurant and dive off the All-American Bridge for all I care.

[Drunkard's note: I take offense to her characterization of people in Akron and Northeast Ohio. Oh, wait, you were saying something in support of Akron ...]

Big asks: "I don't understand, does the blue line go through the 15 (or so) bars, or just past them? That would seem to make a big difference."

Answer: It depends on the runner.

Adam asks: "But why is the blue line needed? Is Akron the Bermuda triangle of marathons? Do countless runners inexplicably go missing without the line's guidance? And why hasn't someone repainted the line to guide everyone off the course?"

Answer: Apparently, marathoners are directionally challenged. Even the Olympics had a blue line.

(Source: Associated Press photo via Miami Herald.)

Ted asks: "Akron??? The birthplace of rubber tires - Goodyear! Does the road feel rubbery?"

Answer: As a matter of fact, yes, some of the roads are rubbery.


S said...

How do you get your boss to pay your entry fee? Geez...I'm trying to raise money for a diabetes run and I can't even get mine to give me $5. Must be nice. Also...the superman guy was super cute. :-)

Kristina said...

Forget the free shoes--free tampons in the porta potties? Sign me up!

Ms. V. said...


I like that you think I'm cool and haughty, but I wasn't hating on Akron. I actually like Akron.

Hey I'm training for only my first Half, so what do I know?

Rock on, Viper.
I support thee.

Ms. V. said...

~~~lifting eyebrow~~~

Ms. V. said...

~~~lifting eyebrow~~~

Unknown said...

This is hilarious!! I do know that Akron or even Ohio gets a lot of bad raps. So do New Jersey where I live now. My folks live in Aurora and my bro lives in Hudson. Don't get me wrong, I still think Akron is a terrific place. Well, sort of. :-)

Aileen said...

Ahhhhhh Crakron...I do miss the lovely scenery.

Razz said...

gotta love a town where the university's nickname are the Zips.

Anonymous said...

Crakron also the home of DEVO, the first boxed breakfast cereal, and the first perfectly spherical marble. Where would the world be without such a lovely All American City?

Ms. V. said...

It's taken me this long to read all the links. I was just wondering if I was a jerk runner, or a silly reader.

BTW, I'm not a new reader...just a new commenter.


B. Kramer said...

@ohionative - don't forget the Dum Dum ... how perfect is that?

@ms. v. - then you should expect this abuse ... welcome to the team.

Nitmos said...

I don't know why everyone is treating Akron so harshly. It's not like you are Toledo or something.

Sun Runner said...

Ah, Akron...where, in the fall of 1991, I spent a heady few hours in a lecture hall at the University of Akron taking three single-subject SAT II tests (because clearly taking the regular SAT twice wasn't enough) for my college applications.

If I hadn't already committed to Detroit on October 19 I think I may have gone for the Akron race. It sounds amazing.

It's not like you are Toledo or something.

...or Detroit. Now with even more poverty!

tfh said...

That RW piece made the marathon sound pretty cool! (OK, I admit, I skipped down to #10 as soon as I saw "Don't trust me...")

Ms. V. said...

I expect it, and welcome it.