Friday, June 20, 2008

Flashback Friday: Now I'm Back to Let You Know I Can Really Shake 'Em Down

Finally, my cherry has been broken for flights with loud, whining babies. I was in the Baby Nexus during my red-eye flight back from Vegas. (Vegas, baby, Vegas? For real!) I had two to the left of me, one on my right.

Here, I had this nice aisle seat, a movie to watch -- well, finish watching -- on my laptop, a good drunk on from a party at the House of Blues (I <3 free booze), and then this woman walks up to me with a kid in a baby seat and the other holding her hand.

"Unfortunately, we're sitting next to you," she says.

It could have been worse. The woman's mother was out of earshot a few rows up with the twin of the youngest child. The Viper believe it or not was Mr. Helpful as the woman was getting the baby seat strapped in and was Mr. Accommodating when she apologized for the hassle.

"Oh, don't worry about it. My brother has twins. They're a handful," I says.

However, I am not now nor have I ever been Mr. Patience. The older child started coughing, a deep, old-man cough. Mom gave the child her cell phone to play with. Shortly thereafter, that phone landed precariously close to the Crumple Zone. Right before takeoff, the child says, "Hi!" As if I had just sat down. That was the last time I thought she was cute.

When the captain turned off the seatbelt sign and said the use of approved electronic devices was now allowed, I put on my headphones and started to watch the rest of There Will Be Blood, a nice family-oriented film. I was blissfully unaware of the sounds around me for the next 90 minutes.

My eyes were bleary after the uplifting finish of the movie and I was ready to sleep. I took off my headphones and put my computer away and put my head down on the tray table and closed my eyes.

When I was young, I had chronic ear infections and often had to plug them with cotton when there was leakage and wear earplugs when swimming. Those nice little lumps of bees wax would have been nice.

The soon-to-be-formerly cute one alternated her coughing fits with moaning and crying throughout the entire four-hour flight. It was pleasant. Increased cabin pressure collapsed the skulls of Mr. Helpful and Mr. Accommodating. Thanks to utter exhaustion and the free hooch earlier, I managed to sleep for an hour or so, but that was that.

Your Comments Commented Upon
Thanks for all those fine comments from the last post. Let me allay your questions and concerns.

Chia asks, "Wait... is Johnny whiskey or bourbon?"

Answer: Johnnie Walker is Scotch. Scotch is whiskey, but Bourbon is also whiskey and then there is Irish whiskey. Johnnie Walker is The Usual for the Viper.

Admitting he was not the runner I passed, Vanilla says, "Since you can't take that bottle with you on the plane you can feel free to drop it by the Planet Hollywood tonight and I'll take care of it for you."

Answer: Fat chance. I finished that bottle and spilled ice all over the floor and then ... erm ... fell asleep in the middle of There Will Be Blood.

Ted asks, "107 degrees???"

Answer: Yes, but it's a dry heat.

Tomorrow As You Know
The Summer Solstice Challenge is Saturday. My mind is ready, but my body is not. My comrade in this idiocy odyssey, Martini, and I will be starting at sunrise in hopes that we'll catch the coolest part of the day. We have our hydration and mid-run fueling plan set. We have passed our failsafe point. We will say goodbye to our friends and ask them to console our families at tonight's Last Supper.

Don't forget to run well and drink well ... always.


Laura said...

I can't wait to hear how the Summer Solstice goes!

As for the travel stories, has some interesting ones. My personal opinion is that there should be a special "children only" section of the plane. Preferably down with the luggage. It's not that I hate kids (actually, I really love them and can't wait to have them), but I think that if your kid isn't old enough not to scream and cry or generally be an annoyance to other passengers, s/he shouldn't fly. Horrible? Maybe. But that screaming when I'm trying to do work/watch a movie/sleep is also pretty horrible.

Marcy said...

I hate kids. Seriously. I have a hard enough time pretending I love my own, you can only imagine how I feel towards strangers :P I know, you wish I was your Mom now, don't you? ;-)

GOOD LUCK Saturday! Xenia had most excellent advice for you in her post today ;-)

chia said...

I wasn't allowed to get on a plane until I was well into my 20's for that exact reason.

Note: There is no such thing as "too drunk to sit in the exit row."

God I miss travelling.

Nitmos said...

Well, enjoy your death march, er, run. How hot was it on the way to Bataan anyway?

Unknown said...

Welcome back to the wonderful Cleveland - A mistake by the Lake ! Just kidding. Good Luck with the Summer Solsitce. I look forward to your report.

C said...

That sounded like my last flight to the states. Poor kid cried the whole seven hours and his sister was a pain in the ass most of the time too. I almost gave myself an in-flight hysterectomy. It was touch and go for a while.

Btw, re: post title--I would not have guessed that you were a Dirty Dancing fan.

Good luck tomorrow!

the erratic epicurean said...

mash is so awesome!!