Friday, March 14, 2008

Flashback Friday: Losers' Parade

What kind of car is this? That was the subject of the latest Team Booze Hounds contest. As the photo to the left shows, my car was buried under a tiny bit of snow last weekend. All that our entrants had to go by was the passenger side rearview mirror and the general shape of the vehicle. The winner would receive a generous helping of jack and/or shit and gain bragging rights for his or her vehicular manslaughter acumen.

I thank all our participants. And I'd like to congratulate you all for being losers. Pat yourselves on the back!

You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of car they drive. But what do the guesses of our contestants say about their perceptions of the Viper?

Laura was the first entrant with what she admitted was a random guess: a Saab. She didn't specify what model, so I just went with what I thought she would like me to drive, a Saab 9-3 (I think the one pictured is a 2003). The overall shape is very similar to my car, but the guess is dead wrong. Laura must think I'm some uptight neo-yuppie who is concerned about safety. Seriously, who drives a Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaab? Not me. Maybe she mistook me for Jerry Seinfeld.

Vanilla came in second, with his wildly inaccurate Toyota Prius. "It suites you," he wrote. I don't think so, pal. This so-called "green" car is a an overpriced scam that has spawned the environmentally friendly hybrid SUVs. Nope, not for this cheapskate. I'd consider an alternative fuel vehicle, perhaps a BAC-powered car. That, I could see it. But seriously, a hybrid? Give me a break, Nell Carter.

Ted was anxious to win the coveted prize and submitted two entries. First, was the 1972 Ford Pinto.
I must say, that's a beauty of a guess. Wrong, but a beauty nonetheless. But Ted didn't feel secure in his first choice and for some ungodly reason decided that I am some soccer-mom-stalking minivan owner, guessing that my vehicle is a Ford Winstar.
What the eff? Ted, what did I do to offend you? I guess I seem like a Ford man.

Well, Laura, Vanilla and Ted, you're all wrong. You guys don't know a darned thing about automobiles. None of your friends or loved ones should ever trust your opinions on motor vehicles ever again, ever.

But the question still remains, what does the Viper drive?
It's a prototype.

Happy Friday happy hour, all. Don't forget to run well and drink well. Cheers!

1 comment:

Unknown said...

ROFLMAO!!!!! Oh man, it is evidently that you are some soccer-mom-stalking minivan owner! Admit it!