This weekly feature is called Flashback Friday, so let me tell you what I remember from past Leap Days: not a goddamn thing. Call it a tradition.
OnMilwaukee.com designated February "Bar Month" and has been running a series of articles about boozing. Unfortunately, I only saw this final edition. It's fitting that a city that smells like shitty beer and vomit would have a magazine that tells its readers how to more efficiently booze at high volume.
What caught my eye was the section about shotgunning. Sure, everyone knows how to pop a hole in the end of a can and guzzle the beer down, but the author tells us there is another "lesser-known, but way cooler" way.
Take a straw and wave a lighter over the top-third. Bend the straw into the shape of a seven, and make sure you can breathe through it. Then, put the long end of the straw into the bottle, with the short end folded over the side. Put your mouth over the bottle opening, with the short end of the straw sticking out. Tip back the bottle and watch its entire contents magically shoot down your throat in about two seconds.Sounds complicated. I'm generally a DIY kind of guy, as my budget is rather limited. But -- and maybe it's the beer I had for lunch talking -- this doesn't sound like it would work. Something about the lighter and the crease in the straw tells me that air would be restricted from entering the bottle to create the necessary pressure. But maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps I need to conduct some field tests.
A short length of rubber tubing would work far more effectively. Or I could just purchase the Head Rush. I can attest to its effectiveness. And it's fairly inexpensive. [Drunkard note: Now, you see where I got the tube idea.]
Frankly, I don't think that the author's "Eight Unique Ways to Consume Alcohol" are all that unique. Or appealing.
Of course, as a more mature drinker, I have strayed from such guzzlerly behavior. I'm more into fast-paced sipping these days. And in this wintry economic climate, I need to stretch those dollar bills.
OMG! IZ SHORTZ TIEM!
You all know how I love to write about the fine Northeast Ohio weather. Well, guess what, it's going to be in the 40s this weekend. Wowzers! Heat stroke here I come.
All This Talk About Milwaukee Reminds Me of Something ...
[Drunkard note: No comment.]
Enjoy your weekend, teammates. Run well and drink well.