Monday, June 18, 2007

Flag Day with a Vengence

The capper to this weekend's annual Flag Day celebration was when the two drunks decided they needed a picnic table. Last call had kicked them out of the bar, but the fun was not over. She said let's take it, and he grabbed a side. They wobbled it about 50 yards when a police cruiser drove past and made a U-turn.

They tried to walk away casually, but the officer was having none of that. He ran their licenses and told them to take it back. A man on his cell phone narrated the scene to the person on the other line. Had the drunks made him move when they took the table? The police officer berated the two, called them the "scum of the Earth" and asked them how old they needed to get before they stopped doing this sort of thing. Was this a veiled wish for a happy birthday? He let them go, but said there would be trouble if they were spotted again.

From Thursday through Sunday, the viper struck and struck and struck again, racking up large bar tabs and running amok. Some how, running stayed on schedule.

Mileage: 16 (6 Thursday, 10 Sunday)
Tab: 1 pitcher Labatt Blue, 1 pitcher Stella Artois, 1 pitcher Great Lakes Dortmunder, 2 shots Jameson ... (memory burn) ... 1 hefty pour of Bushmills in next morning's coffee ... 12 pack Labatt Blue, 12 pack Warsteiner velum (the lighter variety), 1 pitcher Labatt Blue ... (more memory burn) ... run in with police ... Bloody Mary next morning ... 3 Labatt Blue bottles, ~1/3 bottle Johnnie Walker Red Label ... 1 Magic Hat #9 22 oz., 2 Miller Lights (disclaimer: at Cleveland Indians game), 1 Great Lakes Burning River bottle, 1 Labatt Blue pint.

A Drunk's Operation
It appears that gastric bypass surgery will make you a much cheaper date. Doctors have concluded that having the procedure will reduce your tolerance. Those who have had the operation can get legally drunk on one glass of wine. (Source)

So, does insurance cover this?

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