Tuesday, January 7, 2014

New Workout: Frozen Car Lunges

Are you interested in a workout that strengthens your legs, core and arms all in one shot? Of course you are! Here's what you do:
  1. Live in Northeast Ohio during an historic cold snap, wherein a "polar vortex" brings minus 30 degrees windchill and prevents your car from starting while it is parked in a one-lane driveway and blocking your auxiliary vehicle.  
  2. Spend half the morning trying to get the dead car to start by making repeated trips outside to crank the starter to no avail. 
  3. Maneuver auxiliary vehicle, which will start right up no problem, into position to attempt to jump the dead battery. Again, this will fail.
  4. Determine that you need a new battery, which now means you have to move the dead car out of the way of the auxiliary vehicle to get to the auto parts store.
  5. Maneuver the auxiliary vehicle out of the way by parking in the backyard. Too bad that fence is there and you can't just drive through the yard to get to the road, right?
  6. Ensure dead car is in neutral and begin lunging all your body weight against the rear of the dead car. Rock the dead car until you create enough inertia to roll the dead car forward. (Remember: Rock and Roll.) 
  7. Repeat previous step until dead car is out of the way of the auxiliary vehicle, allowing it to pull out of the one-lane driveway. 
  8. Cool down by installing new battery in subzero climate, which will require you to tracking down three different ratchet sets to make an extension shaft long enough to access the bolt that secures the battery to the engine block. No, no, don't worry. This will be fun. Really.
Just to keep things interesting, I warmed up before this new workout by completing a short strength workout that included pull-ups and push-ups. 

2 comments:

Crabby McSlacker said...

I guess I should spare you the weather report from San Diego? Let's just say I thought the "Polar Vortex" was one of those new downtown nightclubs that come and go.

P.S. I would love to join your club except for the marathon running part. That sounds hard.

Carolina John said...

You should have warmed up for that workout with 12 oz curls of cold beer. Then make somebody else deal with that shit. Ouch! insane!