Thursday, December 11, 2008

Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

It made Pablo Picasso paint noses in places where noses don't go. Edgar Allen Poe could never say never more to having one more. One tipple of it made Toulouse Lautrec feel six feet tall when he was four-and-a-half feet small.

The United States banned absinthe in 1912, but now all's well. And apparently all has been well since March 2007, unbeknownst to this researcher. Shows what little I know.

To make up for my gaffe and because 'tis the season, I'd like to present you with this gift, a new recipe. Well, not a recipe per se, but a new drinking ritual.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Ingredients:


Procedure:
Upon concocting this recipe I realized -- or rather I was told -- that mixing these ingredients would result in a poop brown color, which I thought was perfect. However, upon further distillation of the idea I have decided that these should be drunk (as you should be) in order.

First, because this is also a running blog, you'll want to ensure that your day's run is completed before embarking on the Nightmare Before Christmas. Either that or make it a rest day.

Second, because I don't want to offend anyone, you should know that I respect whatever holiday you celebrate. Your secular or non-secular choices are your own. I don't want a jihad on my site. But today, you're celebrating Christmas. The Nightmare Before Kwanzaa just sounds stupid. And there's no movie to reference there.

Now, let's drink.

Line up one shot each of the spirits and one pint (or 12-ounce bottle) of Christmas Ale. Before you get started, get your hi-fi synced to play the following Christmas tunes in order: "Do You Hear What I Hear," "Deck the Halls," "Holly Jolly Christmas," and "Silent Night."

When you hear in "Do You Hear What I Hear" the line "let us bring him silver and gold," then let your hand bring you Patron Silver and Goldschlager. The line is repeated in case you're slow of throat.

When you hear "deck the halls with boughs of holly," deck your gullet with the red and green of pomegranate liqueur and absinthe.

When you are told to "have a holly jolly Christmas," have a holly jolly Christmas Ale. And I mean you'd better kill it. After all, it is a cup of cheer.

When "Silent Night" whispers in your ear, the shores of Blackout Island will be near.

If that doesn't get you in the holiday spirit, then you're fucked.

[Drunkard's note: Thanks to Gin for the Absinthe information. It is no surprise to get year-old "news" from this lass.]

* * *

Mile Tracker 1,000:
84 miles to go.

15 comments:

Turi said...

Well, I definitely wouldn't hear Santa. And Christmas morning would be scary.

Glaven Q. Heisenberg said...

While reading this post, I hit the down-arrow to scroll down one line and after one tap it kept on scrolling down all on it's own!

It's a Christmas miracle! And anyone who says I hallucinated it because I have just finished playing this drinking game obviously just likes to make the baby Jesus cry.

Christmas should be about the Hallelujahs, not the hallelu-cinations! If you can't see that what I experienced was a True Miracle, just like when Jesus turn the water at that wedding in Cana into a Fine Imperial Stout, then I just feel sorry for you.

Heathens.

joyRuN said...

Reading that ritual made my head ache & stomach turn preemptively. Enjoy your Silent Night blackout.

S said...

I remember going to Scotland in college and buying some Absinthe and smuggling it back in to the country. My friends and I thought we were so bad-ass. Yeah...I realize now we were just losers. However, your game sounds like something I could use this weekend. Maybe I'll give it a shot at our work's holiday party :-) That will really impress my boss.

Marcy said...

Dude, I wouldn't hear a dayum thing because I'd be d.e.a.d from all that drinking.

As far as your commentary today? Really? You'd want to stick your mouth THAT far up there?!? You are a sick one my friend. Sick one ;-)

Jess said...

I'm forwarding this to many of my friends who are much bigger drunkards than I...

Jess said...

Let's chase the green fairy! Wa-hoo!

MCM Mama said...

I can feel the hangover just from reading your blog.

And,damn, you're catching me, I need to run faster if I'm going to get to 1000 before you.

Ms. V. said...

I got nuthin. Just reading your list made me thirsty.

But, I'm breaking out my Big Book. Rock on brother.

Molly said...

All is not well I am afraid :-(

American absinthe has the thujone removed. This is from Time Magazine:

"But the biggest controversy surrounding the liquor--once dubbed "one of the worst enemies of man"--is about not its resurgence but rather its authenticity. Enthusiasts claim the thujone-free brands, which contain less than 10 parts per million (p.p.m.) of the chemical, are made with the same relatively small amounts of thujone as the old brews. But scientists wrote in the British Medical Journal that absinthe bottled before 1900 packed up to 260 p.p.m. of thujone--which may not sound like much, but consider that only 15 parts per billion of lead in drinking water is enough to scare regulators. "They are playing pretend," study co-author Wilfred Arnold says of the liquor's new cheerleaders. "It is nothing like the old stuff."**

Thursday, Nov. 29, 2007 Time Magazine

In Europe you can find absinthe online with 100mg thujone!!

Xenia said...

Interesting recipe/ritual.

What's up with the image though? Why's the green fairy humping the bottle with a dead green fairy in it? That's a bit necrophiliac, isn't it?

Sarah said...

Legal or illegal, full-strength or a pale green imitation, absinthe still tastes like ass. Call it ASS-inthe. Bleah. Remember what I wrote about my run-in with Absente?

Ted said...

Oh gosh.. the list of drinks. It sounds like A Nightmare before Christmas. It will make a terrific trip to a porcelain bowl afterward.

Carolina John said...

That is quite the concoction. Taken in sequence set to music makes it even more fun. I might just have to give that a shot if I can find absynth here in SC. we have these strange and stupid blue laws so you can only get about half of the liquor here that you can find in most other states. bible belt i guess.

And to top it off, your "tickle my pickle" offer won the caption contest. I can ship you cd's if you so desire, but you can also download the mp3's of the same songs from my site www.flynntechnology.com/shiv.zip and www.flynntechnology.com/mermaids.zip

the zip files have full copies of the last two Slow Runner CD's, and that ended up being the prize. Enjoy!

Laura said...

Wow, now I'm really pissed I got so behind on my blog reading because this sounds like a FABULOUS game! I'm saving it for next year.