Thursday, September 4, 2008

Um ... Yeah ... I'm Going to Have to Go Ahead and Ask You to Come Back Another Time

As you have already assumed, all this not running around these parts this week has led to utter dilapidation of the Viper. Faith and fear take equal turns punching me in the metaphysical snot-locker.

I think I can.

No I can't.

Not running means I'm not burning the usual calories. I'm ballooning--no, blimping--to astronomical (or is that 'aeronautical'?) proportions. It's so bad I'm going to need a bigger home, one so big you can see it from space. Luckily, there is such a place nearby: the Goodyear Airdock.

Move over skinny dog 'cause the fat dog's moving in.

And because I'm not burning calories, I've got all this extra energy. My legs are bouncing around like Mexican jumping beans. (Wait, that's not racist is it?)

And all this bouncing around is screwing with the healing process, as my right, inner thigh is clearly about to collapse upon itself, causing a chain reaction throughout the leg, weakening the contiguous supporting muscles, crippling the knee, compromising the calf, rendering the ankle completely useless as the foot dangles like a dingle berry, forcing me to not run (not even walk) for months on end, which will certainly lead to catastrophic atrophy in the limb a la Tiny Tim.

To sooth my not running soul, I turned my thoughts to Victory--that is, Victory Brewing Co. and its HopDevil Ale, an IPA. You can read some reviews at Beer Advocate. I wouldn't say it was menacingly delicious, but pretty good nonetheless.

Now, go away. Not running also means I don't have much to write about. So wish me luck on my run tonight and come back to read about it tomorrow. Cheers.


Nitmos said...

I have blimp envy.

S said...

As you said to's just pre-race jitters. You've done a great job training and you're going to do fantastic during the race. Good luck on the run tonight and just ignore those stupid doubts. :-)

Marcy said...

Morphine it's the only way to roll ;-)

Anonymous said...

"Victory" will save you every time. I'm not a hop head myself (I leave that for my husband, affectionately known as Beer Geek), but Victory makes some good beers.

Now, focus on picking out your post race beer and relax about all this non-running business.

Ian said...

So, you have a limp ankle? And here I always imagined it was your wrist that was limp.

Good luck on your run tonight.

tfh said...

Wait a second, the Cautious Runner says. You're not going running tonight with thigh pain, are you? Not when you know your sudden-onset-obesity will put even more stress on your taxed upper leg?

Go easy on it at least. Hope it's nothin'.

Aileen said...

Fingers crossed for an injury free run.

Sun Runner said...

Good luck, don't do anything dumb that might exacerbate it. "Stubborn" should not extend to hurting oneself even more*.

Try Arcadia Brewing's Hopmouth for more hoppy IPA goodness. Or Bell's Hopslam (a god among beers and at $14.99 a six pack should be treated thusly).

*I should talk...I'm pretending not to notice that my nagging groin ache has returned. Pain? What pain? I will power through it!

Vava said...

Good luck! And please post about your anti-Garmin stance sometime soon.

Ms. V. said...

Suck it up, buttercup.

I have some Brett Favre Chili for you. You could drop, like five pounds.

Good luck on the run. Loving the blimp.

Razz said...

wait a're a runner?

I shouldn't talk right now.

Razz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
C said...

Snap out of it, lard ass. I've got the market cornered on self-doubt. Your niche is stubbornness. Stick with your specialty.

Take it easy tonight and you'll be fine.

Spike said...

Have a good run, and don't worry, its just baby weight, and it goes away after the first 45 years.