Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Sir, We've Never Gone That Fast Before

Do not press go.

Team BHI officials have been mum on the subject of a peculiar feeling in the right thigh of a certain teammate after a particularly intense finish to a track session last Thursday. This feeling has been described as moments of intermittent pain interspersed with a thereness, which led to stride hesitation during a long run Sunday. This feeling has also led to an annoying use of passive voice by the author.

In an effort not to Barbaro himself, that same author went slow and then cut short Sunday's run, a planned 16-miler that instead became a 12-miler. Reasons included: "I've already done the training," "I need to stay healthy," "better safe than sorry," and the classic "it's better to be undertrained than broken." But still, those reasons didn't mitigate the emotions that have resulted from falling off what has been so far a successful training schedule.

And now, the paranoid anxieties have gained control of the ship's helm. Thoughts include: "Can I run through this?" "Does this wreck my goals?" "Why oh why did I do this to myself?" and "Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits," all thoughts including some measure of uncontrollable sobbing.

Luckily for this runner, there is a cure. As all teammates know, booze reduces pain and improves confidence.

The Buckeye Half Marathon is this Sunday, and the Akron Marathon is just three weeks after that. Will the leg be ready? Stay tuned!

An August to Remember
Some stats to keep you quiet. A breakdown by the runs. Feel free to compare yourself to a summer's Viper.

Intervals: 17.4 miles at 7:25 pace
Tempo: 26.6 miles at 8:55 pace
LSD: 72 miles at 10:39 pace
Total miles: 133
Zero-to-1,000 miles differential: -21.7 miles

Running Lexicon
Bar-ba-ro (bar'ba'ro) vt., vi. -roed, -roing 1. to resemble the heroic dead racehorse, Barbaro, in looks or performance, 2. to incur a devastating injury, which ends your chances of achieving the Triple Crown, 3. to continue to limp around when really you should have been put out of your (and our) misery months ago, 4. to be the closest thing to walking on water since Jesus Christ, 5. to avoid being turned into dog food--or glue


Razz said...

I thought Barbaro was that movie with Jane Fonda. Who knew?

Vava said...

Definitely don't Babs your quad or you may Buffalo Bill your chances for PB at the marathon. Tapering: good, aging: bad, drinking: heavenly!

Ian said...

That's a good month of running right there so... why the long face?

Barbaro. Long face. Get it? Sorry, I'll show myself out.

Spike said...

If you go all Barbaro, you won't be able to get studded out. If no studding out...what's the point?

Marcy said...


A most excellent month, homie! Very nice!

tfh said...

I think we have the same paranoid anxieties. But all those reasons to take it easy that sound like wimpydumbexcuses when I say them to myself sound just about right for you. Just look at that August and gloat...er, I guess I don't have to tell you THAT.

Laura said...

Akron question: it says no headphones. Does that mean REALLY no headphones, or does that mean they say no headphones and everyone wears them anyway?

I found a roundtrip flight for $150 so things are looking promising!

B. Kramer said...

Laura, I definitely saw some folks with headphones last year. But of course, I cannot condone this type of rebellious behavior. Perhaps I'll write a Akron travel guide for you.

Laura said...

Just want to add that I SWEAR I am safe about it... I keep the volume low and I actually even end up talking to a lot of other runners as I go.

C said...

Your theory on sympathy pains seems to be right, so I only have one thing to say to you -- stop hurting yourself already! My thighs are still killing me because of Sunday's race ... and definitely not in a good way.

Btw, nice stats.

Jess said...

Nice use of the word Barbaro

S said...

Awesome stats. And I love the Barbaro definitions. Hope the thigh gets better soon!

Aileen said...

Poor horsey. But, good month! Go August!

chia said...

You so rule Viper. I would so be your bike support - no legalities required. You're going to rock Akron! No more glue talk matey!

Ms. V. said...

Very impressive. Barbaro in looks? Who knew?