Thursday, December 20, 2007

Good Friends and Good Holiday Wishes

This week has been a particularly good one when it comes to good friends who really know what the Viper is all about. None of them actually reads these ramblings, so the appreciation will fall on the wrong ears. However, I think you might enjoy a small peak into my real life life.

The Viper Rule
My friend's birthday is coming up and his wife is planning a small get together tomorrow. Well, she sent me the following e-mail with the subject line of "The Viper Rule":
"I would like to invite a couple of work friends to the Friday night shindig for [Maurice*], however, I do not want to talk about work.

"I am considering invoking the Viper Rule i.e. if [an Acme Co.**] oriented quip or conversation goes on longer than 1 minute the offending person/people owe you a drink!

"Eh, eh? What do you think, less [Acme Co.**] talk and more booze for you!"
I Can SEE!
Tuesday night, I met up with another friend, who, since we may not see each other again until after the holidays, brought me a present. Well, what would you get for your favorite drunk?

These booze goggles can hold 16 oz. of liquor. Disregard that bottle of beer in the illustration. Only a moron puts beer in a flask. Unless, of course, he's fixin' on drinking Crazy Coronas.

Pardon this interruption while we bring you this fine drinking recipe:
Crazy Corona
Sip off the top of your Corona Extra, add a shot of vodka. [The Viper recommends Hangar One.]
The box for the "barnoculars" is hilarious, as it explains how you can better "enjoy the race," "enjoy the game" or "enjoy the show" with photos of each in case you weren't sure what they meant. For "the game," it shows a golf tournament. Ha! Golf! Who goes to golf tournaments? I guess you'd have to be drunk to enjoy that.

Pardon this interruption while we bring you this George Carlin quote about golf [Warning: foul language afoot]:
"You ever watch golf on TV? It's like watching flies fuck. I get more excited picking out socks. Golf could be an exciting game if you could play it alone. But it's these mental defectives you have to hang around that make it such a boring past time. Think of the brains it takes to play golf. Hitting a ball with a crooked stick and then walking after it. And then, hitting it again. I say, pick it up asshole, you're lucky you found it. Put it in your pocket and go the fuck home!"
OK, fine, yes, I've been to a pro golf tournament. But that was years ago when I didn't know any better. In fact, I was on my junior high school golf team. I gave it up when I realized that I had no desire to add that much frustration to my life. My dad has yet to learn this lesson.

Until Next Year
Well, this will be my last post of the year most likely. I'll be on vacation until Jan. 2, 2008. It goes without saying that I have too much much merry making planned to be getting online to boast of all my stellar runs and hearty recovery.

I wish you all a wonderful religious and secular holiday season. Happy New Year. Thank you for joining the Booze Hounds Running Team. Here's to a fine year of racing, proper recovery, blogging and meeting you fine readers out there on the Intertrons. We'll start off 2008 with a renewed spirit for running and boozing to best of our abilities. Cheers!

[Drunkard note: *Name changed to protect the drunk and innocent. **Name changed to avoid getting sued. Oddly enough, there is a grocery store in my region called Acme, but I assure you this is not the same company. This is the one in all those Merry Melodie cartoons.]


Ian said...

Happy Holidays! Be careful not to ring in the New Year sober.

Have you ever heard Robin Williams making fun of golf? It's on YouTube here, but watch out for the language if you're at work.

B. Kramer said...

Hilarious. That homeland whiskey'll lead to some bizarre ideas. There's golf. And then curling. Only a drunk could invent those sports.