Sometimes budget constraints lead us drunks toward less savory adventures in boozing. Often, cheap beer is the first choice. But what are we missing when we decide an 18-pack of Miller High Life cans is just what Dr. Penny Pincher ordered? For the answer, we should consult our greatest yet overlooked resource in alcoholism on the cheap: winos.
These degenerates embrace the fact that they can't afford that sixer of high-octane indie brew. While we so-called sophisticated booze hounds would look for the option that saves face, the wino chooses the option that gets them shit-faced.
Often, their choice is malt liquor or fortified wine. One of my favorite inventions is the energy drink cum malt liquor, such as Sparks. This 6 percent ABV beverage combines the effects of caffeine and alcohol with all the flavor of cherry battery acid. A perfect companion for the drunkard who has some late night romping to do.
However, a new beverage mixture has just come through on the booze wires. My colleagues, I introduce you to Fhrampagne. Thank you, J.J. Maher, this recipe sounds delightful: a combo that brings malt liquor and fortified wine together. In this example is MD 20/20 and Steel Reserve. The ideas just spring to my head. Boone's Farm and St. Ides. Ripple and Colt .45. But wait! Let's take it one step further: Night Train and Sparks. I shall call it, the Red Line Express.
Last weekend, I ran a 10K the morning after a happy hour gathering. My tab showed six beers, plus all the delicious Coors Light I had at the post-happy hour festivities. In past races, I've abstained from drinking the night before to improve my speed. This time, I didn't' and placed second in my age group with a 53:21 finish. Perhaps I'm on to something.
Tab: It's been too long since the last post to calculate.
Mileage: See above.